2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A little about trust
Trust in yourself and others is often the first loss in frustration and failure. Perhaps someone betrayed us or let us down, or our own beliefs turned out to be false. And we may have questions: "How could I be so stupid and naive" or "Did I not notice the warning signs." It is important to learn that trust very rarely can erupt in an instant - most often it appears as a result of strengthening relationships.
Charles Feltman, in his book The Thin Book of Trust, describes trust as the willingness to risk your own vulnerability and reveal to the other person what is valuable to you. And distrust as a solution: "What is important to me in this situation will not be safe with another person."
As we make sense of our trust loss stories, we need to pinpoint where the hole is and think about it. Being able to point to specific behavior rather than just using the word "trust" can be very helpful in making sense of our story. The more specific we are, the more likely we will be able to change a situation or perception.
Brené Brown identified seven elements of trust that are important both for trusting others and trusting yourself. These seven elements are identified by the acronym BRAVING. As Feltman wisely suggested, separating trust attributes into specific behaviors allows us to better identify and remove trust holes. Consider these attributes:
- Boundaries … You respect my personal boundaries and if you are not sure what is acceptable to me and what is not - ask. You are ready to hear no.
- Reliability … You do what you say. At work, this means staying within the framework of your competence and responsibilities so as not to make unnecessary promises and be able to fulfill your obligations.
- Accountability … You admit your mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and correct them.
- Mouth shut (vault) … You don't share information or stories that don't belong to you. It is important for me to know that my secrets are kept and that confidential information about other people is not shared with me.
- Compliance with own principles (integrity) … You choose to practice your own principles, not just declare them.
- Nonjudgment … I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without judging each other.
- Generosity … You try to make the most generous assumptions about the intentions, words, and actions of others.
If you reread this checklist and change it a little, you will see that BRAVING is a great tool for measuring self-confidence.
- B - Did I respect my own boundaries? Did you clearly understand what was acceptable and what was not?
- R - Was I reliable? Did those people do what they said?
- A - Did I take responsibility?
- V - Have I respected other people's secrets and have I shared confidential information?
- I - Did you act according to your own principles?
- N - Did I ask for the ones that I need? Have I condemned the need for help?
- G - Have I been generous to myself?
The article appeared thanks to the work of Charles Feltman and Brené Brown.
Dmitry Dudalov
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