2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
PsychCentral came across a link to the blog of a woman whose psychotherapist took advantage of her situation of separation from a man to enter into a sexual relationship with a client and make her dependent on him. Little by little, the fact that she began working for him as a secretary, masseur and personal assistant was added to the sex, and after three years he suddenly stopped therapy with her completely
Her blog has a list of signs that may indicate an unhealthy relationship between a client and a psychotherapist (as well as a doctor, priest, etc.) The list is compiled by an organization called BASTA! Boston Associates to Stop Treatment Abuse.
The list includes examples of therapist's behavior that may indicate that something is wrong with the relationship and that the client's personal boundaries are being violated. Some examples are not necessarily clear indications of abuse. For example, it is logical if the therapist offers to leave a relationship in which you are mistreated, however, if the therapist urges you to get rid of all your close relationships so that in the end the therapist becomes your only point of support, this is a very alarming bell. The same is the case if the therapist recommends that you see him as often as you can financially afford. This can be as much a sign that he wants to help you, as well as a sign that he wants to develop in you the maximum dependence on him. The therapist may also share some personal information or personal story to support you, but if he does so with the intention of asking you for help, or uses you as an audience for his stories, or does so to turn the conversation around, When you bring up an important issue, it could be a sign of serious boundary violations in your relationship.
On my own behalf, I will say that it is best to read the entire list as a whole, and then listen to your feelings. If many points coincide, then there is a reason to think (although in questions about sex, in my opinion, it is unambiguously clear and understandable that you are being used, no matter how explained "from a psychotherapeutic point of view"). The reasons for abuse can be that the therapist solves his problems at the expense of you, as well as the fact that the therapist does not have enough education and experience, in particular, in the issue of personal boundaries and professional ethics, and the abuse is caused not so much by malicious intent as the fact that he is a bad specialist.
Everyone has the right to work with a good professional
If one or two points coincided, but otherwise there is no feeling that what is happening is wrong, then this is an occasion to talk to your therapist. Any reason is a reason to talk to your psychotherapist))
In translation, I use the term Psychotherapist for all cases (psychologist, psychiatrist, priest, coach, health worker, spiritual leader, trainer, etc.). And the term (psycho) therapy for all cases (training, treatment, etc.).
Working moments
- The therapist offered me free sessions or reduced the cost of sessions as a favor to me
“Because he has lowered the cost, he expects me to bring food for him for sessions or provide some other service in exchange for his psychotherapy services.
- Sessions often last half an hour or longer than the set time.
“I'm usually his last client of the day.
- During our sessions, there is usually no one else (in the building, etc.)
- The psychotherapist makes me wait a long time.
“I owe him over a thousand dollars.
- I often do not know how long the session will last. Sometimes they last 20 minutes, sometimes an hour and a half.
- The psychotherapist often talks on the phone during our sessions.
- If the therapist is hungry, we go to a restaurant together during our sessions.
Dependency, isolation and substitution of goals
- The therapist told me to end relationships with the most important people in my life, and I don't understand why. Important people and relationships can include father, mother, sisters and brothers, partner or spouse, social group, religious activities, treatment groups, close friends, political groups, the 12-step program (AA), and others.
- The therapist insists that I call him often, even when I don't need it.
- The psychotherapist tells me what he does for personal growth, and wants me to do the same.
- The psychotherapist advises me to quit school / university / educational institution.
- The psychotherapist thinks that my plans to change jobs or go to study is a bad idea.
- The psychotherapist offers me free sessions if suddenly I do not have the money to visit him, even if it is about long-term therapy.
- The psychotherapist gave me his used clothes.
- The therapist tells me what to wear and how to style my hair.
- The psychotherapist requires me not to tell anyone about my therapy.
- I said several times that I would like to visit another psychotherapist to consult on my therapy, but my psychotherapist discourages me.
- The psychotherapist gives me great support, such as - he comes to my house when I have a crisis situation, often calls me to find out how I am doing. In critical situations, this support is even greater.
- With this psychotherapist, I feel as if I have found the support and understanding that I have been looking for all my life.
- A psychotherapist often reminds me that he is the only person in my life who really understands me and who knows what is good for me.
The therapy process
- The therapist tells me about his problems so that I can offer help or advice.
- The therapist talks a lot about himself, and I don't understand how this relates to my therapy.
- One gets the impression that the therapist is superficial about what I say, and uses it as an excuse to talk about himself.
- The therapist behaves as if he knows what is best for me, without asking my opinion.
- The psychotherapist behaves cold, distant and constricted.
- The therapist often gets angry and yells at me.
- The psychotherapist interprets everything that happens between us as a transference, even if I am sure that his actions were directly related to what I feel.
- Since the beginning of therapy, I feel rather worse than better, and the therapist does not express any concern about this and does not offer any explanation why this is happening to me.
- Since the beginning of therapy, for the first time in my life, thoughts of suicide and suicidal moods have appeared, the therapist does not seem to care about this at all.
- The psychotherapist behaves aggressively and like a sadist.
- One gets the impression that the therapist is pleased to see my pain.
- The psychotherapist directly or by hints suggests that I commit suicide (for example, says that it is better for me to die / tells that he saw me dead in a dream / proves that suicide is a reasonable alternative).
- The psychotherapist is offensive to that in me that I cannot change - my physical parameters and abilities, weight, nationality, gender, age, sexual orientation, history of my illness, etc.
- The psychotherapist insults other aspects of my life as well. One gets the feeling that he wants to destroy me, and not help me build my life.
- The therapist threatens that if I don't do as he says, I will never be cured. Sometimes it seems that he is right, sometimes he is not.
- The therapist downplays the importance of my previous experience with other people who have abused their position in my life.
- The therapist refuses to work with my current needs and always insists that my current problems should be solved by working through my past experiences.
- The psychotherapist often yells at me.
- I often say that therapy does not help me, but the therapist ignores it.
- When I ask questions about what is happening in my therapy, the therapist refuses to discuss them, discuss my work and what I can expect from the therapy.
- The psychotherapist refuses to talk about his education, licenses, etc.
- The psychotherapist lies about his education, licenses, etc.
- The psychotherapist advertises services for which he does not have the necessary qualifications.
- The psychotherapist uses alcohol and drugs with me.
- Insults me for having problems.
- The therapy ended without a therapy completion process.
- The therapy is over, I feel very upset, and the psychotherapist has not advised me of another specialist to whom I can turn.
- The therapist discussed me with other people without my permission.
- The psychotherapist did not explain the confidentiality issues to me.
Double role
- My therapist is my employer.
- I work for my therapist in exchange for therapy.
- My psychotherapist is my teacher, dissertation consultant, etc.
- We are friends outside of psychotherapy.
- My therapist is my relative.
“He is a close friend of our family.
- We are colleagues or work in the same organization.
- We have a joint business.
“He borrowed money from me.
Feel special
- The psychotherapist told me that I am his favorite client.
- The therapist discussed other clients in my presence.
- The psychotherapist in my presence spoke on the phone with other clients and told me who they were.
- The psychotherapist told me that he had never met a person like me.
- The psychotherapist gives me many gifts and says that this shows how important I am to him.
- The therapist discusses with me other clients in such a way that I feel that I am trusted, that I am important and special.
- The psychotherapist told me that I am special.
Social contacts
- I attended parties where my therapist was present, and he did not discuss with me situations of rotation in the same social circles.
- The psychotherapist invited me to parties.
- I invited a psychotherapist to parties and he came to them.
- I invited a psychotherapist to parties, and he did not come, but he explained it by the fact that he had other things assigned at that time.
- I attended professional events with this psychotherapist, to which he invited me.
- The therapist and I usually attend the same addiction programs (Alcoholics Anonymous, etc.)
- The therapist often gives me a lift to the bus stop after the session.
- The therapist often drives me home after the session.
- I spent the night at the psychotherapist's house.
- I spent time with family members of the therapist.
- I had an intimate relationship with one of the family members of the psychotherapist.
- We have mutual friends with the psychotherapist.
- The psychotherapist hints that after the end of therapy we can be friends.
- The therapist takes drugs and drinks alcohol with me.
- The psychotherapist gave me drugs.
- I saw my psychotherapist naked in the gym, beauty salon, etc.
- I saw my therapist in the gym (dressed).
- The psychotherapist and I play in the same sports team.
- The psychotherapist and I regularly play in sports teams that play against each other.
- I have access to a lot of personal information about the therapist through mutual friends or colleagues.
We have never discussed how social contacts outside of therapy affect our professional relationships.
Sectarian motives
- It looks like there are many clients who are close to this psychotherapist. I met them and heard about them.
- The therapist loves to stimulate a family and community atmosphere among his clients, and I am part of that family or community. [hello Litvak!]
- The therapist throws parties and meetings at home, and I attended them.
- The psychotherapist often uses his former clients as trainers in his training organization.
- The psychotherapist plays the role of a guru for his clients. He has his own vision of the right devices in the world and he is trying to create a community where clients act as followers.
- I take part in planning the creation of this kind of commune for my therapist.
- The psychotherapist tells me about other clients without worrying about the confidentiality of their personal information.
- Ritual group activities such as ceremonies are part of my relationship with the therapist and his client community.
- The psychotherapist is the guru in the group in which he participates.
- Ritualistic sadistic actions in the presence of others.
Mind control
- The psychotherapist uses hypnosis as part of the job, and I often don't know what's going on. The therapist refuses to answer questions when I ask about it.
- I feel that I was hypnotized or I was in a trance state in the presence of my therapist, although at first glance it does not seem that he is using hypnosis.
- I remember how the therapist made hypnotic suggestions with which I do not feel comfortable.
- After the therapy, I began to remember some of the things that the therapist said or did when I was in a trance state, and which in retrospect cause me feelings of discomfort and violence against myself.
- The psychotherapist invites me to kill myself.
- The therapist does not take my suicidal feelings seriously. He said or hinted that it was easier for me to die.
- The therapist has developed a strong dependence on myself and tries to force me to do things that I do not want to do.
- The therapist is offensive to those things in my life that I think are good.
“Soon after I started therapy, my life began to fall apart. The therapist does not express any concern about my life. He is more interested in me staying addicted to him. Sometimes after sessions I feel like after drugs.
Sex
- The therapist did the following things (with the use of physical force or not): kissing on the lips, kissing the chest, genital; hugs of an explicit sexual nature (prolonged pressing with the whole body, pelvic thrusts, palpable erection); partial or complete undressing for the purpose of sexual contact; touching the chest or genitals (with or without clothing); masturbation; oral sex; vaginal or anal sex; the use of sex toys; sexual activities while I was under the influence of drugs. The therapist forced me to have sex against my will.
- The therapist forced me to have sex with him on the condition that I did not tell anyone about it, otherwise it would harm me or my family.
- After the sex was over, the therapist told me that if I told someone about it, it would cause irreparable damage to him and his life (which should make you feel guilty)
- After the end of sex, the therapist threatens me that he will divulge my personal information if I complain to someone about him.
- The therapist insists that if I do not work with my repressed sexuality by having sex with him, I will never be cured.
- Verbal and non-verbal actions:
- The psychotherapist says "if we met then, in the past, we would make a great couple"
- The therapist compliments my body.
- The therapist tells me about his sexual attraction to me.
- The therapist says things like "oh, if we weren't both not free!"
- The therapist says that he would like to have a relationship with me after the end of therapy.
- The therapist has a great voyeuristic interest in the details of my sex life.
- The therapist sends me love letters.
- The therapist gives me sex toys to use at home, tells me how to use them and asks for reports on what I do with them.
- The therapist often compliments my appearance to make me look as sexually attractive as possible.
- The therapist hints that we could have a relationship after the end of therapy.
- The psychotherapist is distinguished by a voyeuristic look at me.
- After the completion of therapy, the psychotherapist called me to make an appointment.
“Shortly after completing therapy, I had a sexual relationship with a therapist.
In the field of work with the body, the provision of honey. assistance and other situations requiring physical contact
- The therapist touches those parts of the body that are not related to the problem I have stated, and I do not understand why. When I ask, they don't give me an intelligible answer.
- Therapist's touch seems more like sexual affection than medical action or medical examination.
- The therapist's hands stay on my body longer than required by examination or treatment.
- The therapist hurts me physically without warning or discussing alternative therapies with me.
“The therapist seems to enjoy the pain of his actions.
- The therapist accuses me of having health problems and acts like I deserve them. [hello to Savetsky gynecologists]
- The therapist is behaving aggressively towards my body.
- The therapist talks about my body in a sexual context.
- After examination or treatment, the therapist leaves my body parts uncovered (with a sheet, for example), although I have requested that all parts of my body be covered, except for those required for treatment or examination.
- When I take a friend or a lawyer with me to an appointment, the therapist talks to them, not to me.
The list reminded me that in addition to sexual and personality problems, psychotherapists can use clients to practice their sadistic tendencies.
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