The Meaning Of Life Is In Life Itself

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When I was studying at the institute, we had a teacher in clinical and pathopsychology, who always tried to give us not just a dry theory, but some seemingly abstract knowledge that could be useful to us in life. One of these tasks she set “the search for an answer to the question“What is the meaning of life?”And everyone“searched”and answered based on their beliefs, about family, professionalism, development, and even psychoanalytic theory, etc. important and correct for each of us. But Inna Ivanovna, accepting all the answers, said that it would be better if we just remember that the meaning of life is in life itself … And then, after a while, she asked this question again and only to the one who answered “correctly” put a solid 5, without requiring any explanations: “Nastya, what is the meaning of life” - “in life itself” - “well done, 5”. For us, it was more of a game of scoring final points than science, because then we were 20 years old, and everyone had their own "real" meaning of life, and not this abstraction.

Only years later, when the first cases related to loss began to appear in my practice, I realized how important this "lesson" was. People were losing the business that they had been building all their lives, they were losing their homes, health, reputation, relationships and even understanding of themselves, and with some kind of lifesaver we always pulled up other areas of life that helped create new meanings for them. But one day a client appeared who, like in a bad TV series, lost everything in a year, including the closest people. Of course, he had already changed his mind a lot and he himself had no idea how I could help him. I, too, seeing a powerful, mature man in front of me, understood that all my conversations were empty words for him, when suddenly he said “What is the meaning of life”, and I automatically blurted out “In life itself”. He thought for a moment, then nodded and left without a word. I don't know how he interpreted it, but after 1, 5 years, congratulating me on the New Year, he wrote in SMS: "You were right - I created myself anew and if necessary, I know how to do it again."

Of course, not in every therapeutic case the very formulation “the meaning of life is in life itself” is capable of giving any answers, tools, perspectives, etc. In 90 percent out of 100, this phrase needed detailed analysis and transformation for each specific case. But in the search for an understanding of its meaning, there are still some recurring elements that are important to take into account. I divided them into 5 theses:

1. The meaning of life is always individual

Or in other words - as there are people in the world, there are so many meanings in the world. In psychotherapeutic practice, very often I have to deal with the fact that reaching a certain degree of maturity, people experience an inner feeling “this is all wrong”. And we are not talking about a midlife crisis, but about inner maturity, since today this feeling is coming to more and more young people. And this happens because, starting to recognize and hear our I more and more, we stop blindly following the parental / teacher's attitudes. We understand that what other authoritative and significant people live for, and what we would like to live for, are not always the same. And this is correct, since the meaning of life is always individual, and depends on many factors, and on what family and environment this or that person grew up in, what education he received, in what relationship with whom he was, what life experience he experienced and what conclusions from he did and a lot more matters. Does this mean that we should not listen to our teachers and parents on such important issues? On the contrary, the more we learn from them, the greater our possibilities will become, the wider our choice will be.

I usually suggest finding a middle ground. On the one hand, it is important to understand that if a person has found himself in some direction of life, is successful in it and is happy with his life, this does not mean that we will definitely find satisfaction in the same goals and actions. On the other hand, when we see that a person close to us in spirit has found his life path, it always makes sense to touch this direction and feel ours or not. Introspection techniques will be very effective in this matter.

2. The meaning of life is not constant

It is also important to understand that there are no universal meanings of life that work once and for all. If you ask an 8-10 year old child “What do you live for, what do you think?”, What is he most likely to answer? If you ask him the same question, when will he turn 18? 25, 35, 40, 50, 60, etc ….? Of course, we understand that one and the same person, as he grows up and develops, will see what is happening around him in a completely different way than he once did. The meaning of life changes every time we are faced with something new, not passed through, not experienced, not assimilated and not mastered, etc. Each new task in life puts before us new meanings, and what is vital for us today may seem like absolute nonsense after 10 years.

Whether we are poor or rich (which is also not permanent), sick or healthy, isolated or socially active - all this will affect our meanings here and now. A childless couple who wants to have children will lose the chain of meaning in life “conceive-bear-give birth” when they embrace their first-born, but acquire a new “raise-raise-let go”. A person who is sick with a serious illness will put aside the chain of meanings associated with work “to pass on time, conclude a contract, get a profit and increase”, and in his life the chains of “communication, support and interaction with loved ones” will become more important, the meanings associated with “contacts with nature, contemplation of beauty, everything that brings positive emotions”, and of course, the leading meaning of life will be the chain“to recover, recover, undergo rehabilitation and return to the closest possible full-fledged physical functioning”. Having lost a significant loved one, he will forget about all other chains and the meaning of his life will be reduced to “eat / drink, wake up / fall asleep, be” … However, this will not always be so, time will pass and meanings associated with taking care of your body and work will appear, about leisure, time will pass and many, many different chains will replace each other, until a person finally comes to that main chain that will return him to a full life through the bright memory of the deceased.

You can enumerate all this endlessly, it is important to understand one thing. If we have lost the meaning of life, this means that some chain is more or less successful, but it ended, and the time has come for a new chain of meanings, and you just need to listen to yourself in order to understand which one.… And if it is absolutely “hard to hear”, then he will turn for help from people whom we consider to be authoritative in these matters.

3. The meaning of life is unique

Here we will talk about the fact that there are no good or bad meanings. The meaning of mourning is just as important as the meaning of increasing joy, everything has its place and time. The events that happen to us can be light, funny, pleasant, but they can also be painful, knocking out the ground from under our feet, sad. All the simplicity and complexity lies in the fact that what happens to us, as it is, unique and inimitable, such that will never happen again the same, here and with the same. And an attempt to see this uniqueness sometimes helps to abstract from the problem and take a break.

If something happens in our life that gives us negative experiences, the meaning may be to better solve the problems that have arisen and rejoice at each new completed stage, each new experienced chain of meanings that leads us to something more positive. If the events that are taking place give us positive emotions, then the meaning may be to enjoy, enjoy and possibly prolong or repeat, this is how anyone can. The bottom line is that any event that entailed a change in the chains of meanings in the global context is unique, therefore, each new event gives rise to unique, in particular, chains of meanings.

4. The meaning of life is directly related to the worldview

To people who have found their way in this or that religion, atheists, theosophists and especially the authors of their own theories of the universe, both the structure of the universe and the meaning of life will seem differently, somewhat similar, but somewhat different. Worldview is what distinguishes life meanings from life goals. Any goal has a beginning and an end. The meanings of life are endless and often go beyond the limits of life itself, and, accordingly, beyond the limits of our conscious experience. That is why so many controversies and questions arise. We are all free to choose what to believe in, I am a supporter of those directions in which there is no place for intimidation and threats, but there is a place for love and development. However, in any case, in order to be able to find your meanings, you need to be able to find your place in the system of the universe, to have a certain worldview.

5. The meaning of life is in life itself

And the most important conclusion, to which one way or another we always return, is that while searching for the meaning of life, it is very important not to overlook life itself, not to miss it and not to lose … Because after reading the above, we understand that all life, everywhere and constantly consists of meanings, and only by living it, we have the opportunity to notice and embody them. And if for a moment it seemed to us that there was no point, we need to look into ourselves, look around and answer ourselves to the questions, which chain ended and which one begins, because our whole life consists of a continuous replacement of some meanings with others.

But if suddenly the answer does not come, you just need to take a break, every day to do something positive for yourself and useful for the 3 people around you, and after a while ask yourself again. The answer always comes, sooner or later, because all life is one big meaning of meanings.