About Childhood Psychotraumas And Adult Neurotics

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Mikhail Labkovsky Source:

- Many people here consider themselves introverts. In fact, they weren't always introverts. It's just that in childhood they tried to share their secrets with mom and dad and immediately found out that it was not interesting to anyone (they heard about it once, leave me alone and don’t fool me). Hence the habit of experiencing everything in oneself and the conviction that they themselves, and their problems, even more so, are of no use to anyone.

- 80% of people come to me with their problems just because they have no one else to share with.

- The feeling of security that a child should receive in childhood is the most important condition for his future mental health and life without neuroses.

But what kind of safety can we talk about if parents are unpredictably aggressive or predictably negative? Everything is always bad with them. The atmosphere in the family is the expectation of a catastrophe. Something is going to happen right now. You will fall, crash, get poisoned, die from infection, "you will get hit by a KAMAZ, it will smear you on the asphalt," if you do not go to college, you will work as a loader at Pyaterochka. Here they are - "minor" psychotraumas! Their cause is not necessarily a hot iron or incest. Negative remarks hurt deeper due to the fact that they are constantly repeated. You know, there are European tortures - rack, beatings, and there are Chinese ones, when an immobilized person, for example, is tickled with a feather until he goes crazy. Here is the same difference.

- Most of the trauma occurs at the age of 3 to 5 years

- Disposable psychotrauma is when: the child was left in a dark room and he was scared; he poured boiling water over himself; mom and dad divorced; the funeral of the grandmother and other everyday life stories, including violence - mental, physical, sexual.

- There are recurring psychotraumas when a child lives among neurotics who suffer every day or behave aggressively, unpredictably, uncertainly, etc. Or in kindergarten or school, he is bullied, hurt, that is, a repetitive situation.

- Not all children react to trauma in the same way. One child may have a stronger psyche, another weaker. In some, a serious tragedy leaves no trace, and someone is traumatized for life by the death of a kitten.

Once I had to explain to a 7-year-old child what divorce is in order to help him cope with trauma. I'm talking:

- What grade are you in?

- In the first.

- Do you like any of the girls?

- Yes. Lisa.

- Did you go to kindergarten?

- Yes.

- Did you meet Lisa there?

- No, I had Lena there.

- Where is she now?

- I'll explain it to you! I'm already at school, how do I know where Lena is?

- Here. And dad has to live with your mother all his life, so what?

And then he stopped crying, interrupted the reception, went out to his parents who were waiting in the corridor and said: I understood everything, let's go …

- Stability, comfort, trust - these are the first things that children should get from their parents. If parents behave aggressively, humiliate, criticize a child, then, naturally, his trust in life in general and in people in particular is undermined. I have one friend who says specifically: I hate people. Picks up dogs, cats, And it's understandable why: the animals did not betray her, but dad betrayed her.

- A lot of people suffer from communication problems: it is difficult for them to approach another, to say something, to convey their thought and emotion, and as a result, it is difficult to realize themselves. And why? And because at the age of 4 they already approached a drunk mother, and she spoke unequivocally about the inappropriateness of the child's question, and about the inappropriateness of the child himself in this world. And she did it many times. Now the boy is 30, and it is clear that he does not even have a thought about confidential communication with anyone.

- Psychotrauma, first of all, forms a feeling of fear and anxiety, which translates into phobias, panic attacks and TRUST IN PEOPLE.

- If you take a full family, but neurotic, and a family without a father - the latter is definitely preferable.

- Yes, the roots of many problems come from childhood. But parents, they are what they are. They raised you the way they could. You will not change them, you need to change yourself! - rewrite the children's script, grow out of it.

- If you do not want your children to have psychotrauma, behave so that they are not afraid of you, so that you are predictable, so that through you they feel trust in life. Be, if not close, then available, so that you can always call, share something, ask. And if the child tells you something, try not to interrupt him or give advice, but just listen.

If you

- unable to trust anyone else;

- do not know how to express your feelings;

- emotionally suppressed ("I can't fall in love", "I don't feel anything");

- you cannot be realized either in the family or in the profession;

- do not want (or are afraid) to have children;

- you have a tendency to depression, etc.

perhaps all these are the consequences of childhood psychotrauma

It is important for me that you know that you do not have to pay for your unhappy childhood all your life. And almost everything is fixable.