2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
* Instead of a preface:
I was inspired to present this article by my daughter, who diligently and patiently wrote out the text in her notebook.
The material that I gave her for cheating was not quite her age, and now, a little later, I realize that I was guided by my maternal ambitions (as is often the case), and not reality. At the end of the work, what do I see? - at the end of the sentence, there are strikethroughs, strikethroughs, corrections and completely moving letters off the line. To my question: “What happened? Why is it done so inaccurately? " my daughter struck me with her direct answer - “I was angry! (was angry) ". So easily and not forcedly, she showed me my mistake and, at the same time, showed me the resources how to use such a terrible, merciless, dangerous (after all, this is how we were taught by wise, loving parents who themselves believed in it and adhered to in their own lives) …
Anger is quite reasonable, peaceful, and most importantly natural!
Marvelous!
We were taught for so long, but what was there … hammered (both literally and figuratively) that: - “to be angry is dangerous!” - “to show negative emotions is bad and ashamed” will love "(and with some they really did this, forcing only to please, please and hide their true feelings), -" if you show anger, then they will answer you the same ", In general, a parade of stereotypes, uh, uh …. We did everything so that we, as children, would be silent, tolerate, suppress this feeling inside and …. Be ashamed …., not otherwise than the word-sparrow, suddenly unwittingly flew out of our lips … Oh, what happened then! I got it twice, or even in triplets! Therefore, we, being pretty, comfortable kids, shut our mouths and were silent. Better not to resist than to get a slap in the face later. Truth? Then it seemed that the truth, it could not be otherwise …
And we survived. Out of spite or thanks - it's hard to say. The very fact.
And now we can withstand reality, and it is as follows:
Anger is a basic feeling inherent in nature.
The first manifestations of which can be seen even in a newborn: how eagerly he demands a mother, how persistently and persistently he expresses his needs. The natural needs are for safety, food, comfort. A little later we see him in a grown up, walking child, who points to an object that he is unable to reach - with a cry and firmness (in intentions) shows his desires to his parents; in adulthood, anger can be seen in how a person maintains (or, on the contrary, defends) his (personal) boundaries - he can say "No!" - much more …
Anger, even if you do not express it, does not go anywhere.
All attitudes that once "saved" life in childhood are now working against you. Nowadays it is harder and harder to restrain and smile, to play “a kind bell girl” or “peacemaker boy”, not to advance in a career, because growth requires strength and pressure stored in anger, healthy anger. A repressed feeling sinks to the bottom of your soul and waits! Waiting for an opportune moment or splashing out like volcanic lava, burning everything in its path, or reincarnating, like a werewolf, into other behavioral manifestations: for example, apathy or passivity.
There is a third, the most unpleasant option - anger is directed at oneself, in the form of a disease, often psychosomatic: panic attacks, headaches, "a lump in the throat", sore throats, etc.
What's next?
Okay, we realized that the anger in our life is not enough. We do not know how to defend ourselves, we are afraid to enter into conflicts - "What to do?" Here are some simple recommendations:
- Recognize that you have anger! Yes Yes! You may not see him, you may be afraid of him, ashamed, ashamed, but he is there.
- Start talking (if you haven't already) about anger as you do with other feelings. Can you talk about joy? You can also inform about anger, for example, with phrases such as "I am angry that …", "This tone is unpleasant for me …", etc.
- Remember that anger is meant to change uncomfortable circumstances. Tell yourself this every time you feel something rising and itching inside. Listen to yourself! Isn't that something you disagree with, but you remain silent. If so, see clause 2.
Remember:
To show anger is to defend your boundaries, which they are trying to violate.
To show anger is to show firmness, confidence!
Showing anger is telling others that their actions are unacceptable.
You can express anger calmly, quietly and clearly! No further feelings of guilt or shame.
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