If There Is Silence On The Personal Front

Table of contents:

Video: If There Is Silence On The Personal Front

Video: If There Is Silence On The Personal Front
Video: There is God and there are the Peaky Blinders - BBC 2024, March
If There Is Silence On The Personal Front
If There Is Silence On The Personal Front
Anonim

Today she didn’t even wear a hat, although it’s still pretty cool. Waking up early in the morning, she made herself coffee out of habit and went out onto the balcony to take a breath of fresh air. The sigh made her dizzy: the spring air filled her lungs and she felt a slight dizziness from this pleasant coolness. Only now is she really awake. The girl took a few more deep breaths of air and felt an extraordinary surge of energy in her body. On such an unusual morning, in such high spirits, I wanted to do something myself that did not fit into the usual morning routine. Instead of the usual ponytail, I suddenly wanted to make a beautiful styling on my head. Glancing at her watch, she realized that it was still two hours before work, and she would have time to do the very hairstyle that she met on the Internet a month ago and saved to herself on the wall on a social network in order to repeat a similar experiment on her hair. Turning on the laptop, she quickly found the desired post, skimmed through the news feed. The comments to her last added photos made her smile: her beloved girlfriends were not stingy in their admiration, and even surpassed themselves. “I love you, beauties,” she said aloud and turned off the laptop. Of course, it is nice to hear compliments from her beloved friends, but even more she would like to hear them from her only and beloved man. A full year has passed since her last serious relationship ended, and she found herself in the "active search" status. Of course, during this time there were some men in her life, but it did not work to build a long-term relationship. Either potential applicants for her hand and heart did not suit her, then vice versa. And as luck would have it: as soon as she met someone to whom she should pay close attention and someone who was able to captivate herself from the first minute of acquaintance, for some reason he just quickly disappeared from her life. He promised to call back - and did not call back, or after several dates he disappeared like the wind in the field. This was followed by lengthy bargaining with herself like: "If I did this or that, then everything would have been possible differently."

But that is all in the past. It was today, on the first day of spring, that she wanted to believe in a miracle. After all, psychologists say that in order to be loved, you must first love yourself. “Right today I’ll start loving,” she said and went to do her hair, the thoughts of which had been haunting her all month.

Having finished the case, she playfully winked at her reflection in the mirror and noted that her friends were still right when they talked about her beauty. She is beautiful, smart, makes good money, and is completely independent. On all fronts of life, significant successes can be noted, except for one area - personal life.

There are times when you don't want to think about the bad. This morning is just such a moment. After taking a few selfies on her phone, she finishes her coffee, gets dressed and heads to the parking lot. Today she will amaze her work colleagues with her unusual appearance.

And in the evening she will return to an empty apartment, upload morning photos of her beautiful and springtime to social networks, view the news feed and again remember that she is still alone.

How do you want to feel desirable not in the eyes of lifters and bus drivers, but in those eyes that you will see opposite in the morning. How you want simple female happiness, not only to love yourself, but to hear these words addressed to you from your loved one.

A tear rolled down her cheek and she felt so sorry for herself. She brushed a tear from her cheek and smiled. Winter is over. I want to believe that this was the last winter in her life, which she spent alone. Spring is ahead and so I want to believe in a miracle.

I think that in this heroine many girls partly recognize themselves. Maybe this was the case in the past or this is the current sad reality.

Our life is like a puff pastry: there are different areas of life that we try to juggle and achieve the right balance. Relationships in a couple are the cornerstone in the life of any woman. A woman's love is her whole life. She is ready for much for the sake of love. If she doesn't love, success in other areas will not help her feel truly happy.

“In an active search” - better that sounds like that than calling yourself lonely. But loneliness in the heart cannot be covered with any soft language.

In psychology, there is such a thing as the "dominant principle". The concept was introduced by the Russian physiologist A. A. Ukhtomsky, who developed the dominant theory. The dominant represents the centers of excitation in the central nervous system, which at the current moment "subordinate" to themselves the activity of the other centers, in which the process of inhibition is observed. In fact, this can be illustrated as follows. Imagine that you are very hungry. All your thoughts are only about food. The brain is literally "infected" and until you satisfy this need, you cannot think of anything else. And so on for any of the needs that will be relevant for you at a particular period of life.

Personal life can become the same dominant for a girl who is desperately trying to improve it. All her activity is reduced to the satisfaction of this dominant. If she posts a photo on a social network, then in order to draw male attention to herself. If she goes to the cinema, it’s not to enjoy the movie, but to get to know her. Those. the “in active search” status is broadcast through any activity with the outside world. “Getting to know someone” becomes a matter of life and death.

There are two ways to satisfy the love dominant that has arisen: to start a relationship or switch to something else, i.e. create for yourself a new dominant that will slow down the action of the first.

If you notice a tendency towards a frantic desire to "meet someone", then pull yourself together as soon as possible and switch to other areas of your life.

Why?

Firstly: if you want to "get to know someone", you will get to know "someone". And then you will start complaining, they say, "he is a good man, but not an eagle."

Secondly: you need to accept the situation of your today's loneliness and make friends with it. You are fighting windmills, you are fighting reality. You begin to live with the illusion of what will happen when HE meets. Until then, it is as if you are living a lifelessness and are not a woman. Now think about the following: what if HE never meets you, what if God has other plans for you? So now, for the rest of your life, to walk with an unhappy look and sob into your pillow every night? Is that what you want? Now there is only what is. And tomorrow will only be a consequence of your today. If today you are in search, then tomorrow, with 100% probability, you will also be in search. If today you act from the state that you have everything you need, then tomorrow will be a day devoid of scarcity.

Thirdly: your past failures on the personal front mean nothing. There is only today. We must take fire from the past, not ash. And we, as a rule, come out of love relationships at best with minor injuries. At worst - living corpses with a bag of convictions, resentments and fears.

Fourthly: even if now the World takes pity on you and you meet a man, then there is a high probability that you will simply strangle him with love with your stranglehold. Entering a relationship from a state of deficit is very dangerous - there is a risk of falling into a deep emotional dependence on a man.

“A woman was created to make a man happy!

Wherever this unfortunate man is hiding!"

In such cases, a man begins to behave with you like a spoiled child who is tired of his old doll and he throws it into a far corner of his life. In this performance of life, the role of the unloved doll will be assigned to you, and you will try in every possible way to regain your former love for yourself, so that you will be played and taken care of again. But the genre of relationships is always this: if there is a victim, then there will be a maniac, if there is an infant man, then there will be a boy-woman's wife, if there is an unloved doll, then there will be a spoiled child.

On the one hand, you seem to understand that true love can be expected, but on the other hand, you need it now. And when this “need” is stronger than “you can”, in any case, you will persuade yourself that you have met true love.

If you are unhappy that there is no love in your life right now and you are looking for someone to feel it, in the end you will find the same unhappy one. And then there will be two unfortunate people in a pair. You need it?

It is necessary to wish to build a relationship not from a state of lack of attention and love, but from a state of happiness, and it does not depend on others. This is just the result of focusing your attention on what is happening around you.

The desire to build relationships from the state of "I am already happy", "I would like to have a relationship, I intend to create one, but now I feel good with myself." To desire relationships not because they do not exist, but because it “would be great”, “to share the inner state that I am experiencing,” and so on.

So, if there is no love relationship in your life yet, do not overload this fact with excessive emotional significance. Your life comes not only from relationships to relationships, but also between them. And these are not intervals of life, but a part of it

Live your natural life

Be open to relationships. This means that you do not need to consider every acquaintance as a test of suitability for the role of groom. Communicate with people like interesting conversationalists. You may or may not like each other. But do not immediately put an end to communication. It is possible that after some time you will find in your friend those character traits and behaviors that you really like in men. It should be noted that this is more often the case in life: those on whom we initially do not place bets win the race for your hand and heart. This was exactly the case with one of my friends: at the stage of meeting her husband, she decisively declared that he was not at all what she needed. They have been married for many years now and have two wonderful children.

Let as many men as possible be in your environment, even if they are just acquaintances and friends. Male attention helps a woman to feel her sexuality and importance. Accept it, make new acquaintances, learn about people as much as possible, look for common interests.

Perceive dates differently from the heroine of the “Exhibit” video, who, preparing for the meeting, scrolled through the episodes of the future wedding in her head. On such dates, men immediately feel that they are being tested and tried on for the role of husband. Be natural is a sure sign that you are not addicted.

In the world of sales, there is such a rule: when making 10 cold calls, you will definitely hear 9 “no” answers and only 1 “yes”. Each heard "no" brings you closer to the cherished "yes". And this is the only "yes" to recoup with a second all the efforts made earlier. And in order to be successful, you need to increase the number of attempts.

Adopt the rules of successful salespeople. Don't burden yourself with bad dates - they bring you closer to good ones.

Create a portrait of your partner

Most disappointments in personal relationships stem from the fact that we make compromises with ourselves. A portrait of your chosen one will allow you not to spray your attention and keep the right focus. It's like going to the supermarket without a pre-prepared shopping list: with the list you buy everything you need, and without the list in the grocery basket there will be a lot of what you didn't plan to buy, and you can forget to put what you need in the basket. As a result: unnecessary expenses and a second trip to the store.

When we initially see that our partner is not quite what we would like and our "must" convinces us that this is true love, then we consciously agree to a life with pink glasses.

And rose-colored glasses always break glass inward.

Own portrait

After you form an image of your partner ask yourself: “What is the likelihood of the woman I am now meeting such a man? What kind of person do I need to become in order for such a person to appear in my life? " Many girls prefer to dream with thoughts that "mine will not let me through." It will skip if you do not follow your external and internal beauty. As for your appearance, answer honestly: how long have you been wearing a skirt, heels and stockings; if you are invited to a cafe right now, are you ready to go without changing your clothes; how many men wanted to meet you in the last week; Are you wearing underwear from one set now? One friend of mine will not be able to take out the trash without light makeup. She says that by throwing out the trash she is simultaneously going to save the world with her beauty.

Be busy

As already noted, so that the issue of building a relationship is not too acute, you need to switch your attention to other areas of life. In most cases there is work to be done there too. So it's better to do at least something with what is now. Take up your studies, work, relationships with family and friends. This will give you a taste for life. Just think about how interesting you will be to a man when there is nothing in your life that you enjoy doing and what inspires you. One glance will tell him that there is a huge emotional hole in your life that this man needs to fill. On the other hand, a realized woman with a lot of interests in addition to personal relationships is always more interesting and attractive in the eyes of a man.

Internally and outwardly beautiful, busy with her favorite pastime, surrounded by friends and acquaintances - maybe your future husband will have such a unique wife?

Recommended: