2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Andrey Zlotnikov for TSN
The power of the parent over the child is limitless - to feed, caress, punish, teach, show, explain, etc. Every minute a parent can do something or not do something in relation to a child: this is a manifestation of parental power, creativity and responsibility.
From practice, I can say that the attitude of parents to a child lays the foundation for his behavior in adult life. Proving this is easy - compare the relationship in your family and the relationship between your parents. You will find that the scenarios, scenes, situations, and your reactions to them, are very similar. From this it follows that children take with them into adulthood not what you would like, but indiscriminately.
The reality we have to accept - whether we like it or not - is this:
- there are no recipes for correct upbringing, since all advice is broken about the child's personality, the behavior of family members, educators, teachers;
- whatever we do or do not do, there will always be a place for mistakes and responsibility for them;
- the child is not an adult, i.e. to demand from him adult reactions, understanding, awareness is absurd (akin to dreaming that apples grow on a pear);
- in families where love reigns - the child grows up happy (psychotherapeutic axiom);
- the basic principles that make you successful educators - attention, respect and support. Attention assumes that an adult, observing a child's behavior, draws conclusions about his interests and hobbies. Respect - recognition of the child's right to their feelings, interests, hobbies, desires. Support - assistance and stimulation of the interests of the child.
Below are cases from the practice of counseling, which can serve as an illustration of what I wrote about above
Kindergarten is a prerequisite for the harmonious development of a child
Family advice:
Dad: "The child needs to be sent to kindergarten, he needs to learn to communicate with other children, and there he will learn to draw and read." Mom: "Until I went to work, he is better with me, he is not ready yet." Grandmother: "Only to the kindergarten, I gave all my children - they grew up like that."
Disputes about the kindergarten are very common. In one of the groups, parents told their stories about the kindergarten: how the kindergarten helped and how it was harmful to the child.
I am sure you know the quote of A. Einstein "It is impossible to solve the problem at the same level at which it arose. You need to rise above this problem by rising to the next level."
In this case, the parents need to come to a joint decision what tasks from the point of view of development are facing the child at the moment. For example, if a child needs more communication with peers to develop social skills, parents need to consult and decide which way will take into account the interests of all family members. So, if a child, due to personal characteristics, is not ready for kindergarten, development groups and a playground can become an equivalent replacement.
It is necessary to protect the baby from all troubles
Playground. The kids happily run after each other. One of the kids caught on to the other, fell, hit his knee. On the playground, the parents of other children looked at the baby in anticipation of a roar. But literally in the next moment, the baby did not even have time to open his mouth, his mother picked him up, hugged him and lulled him with warm words.
There are no recipes for correct upbringing
Such a child has a wonderful world - gentle, caring, friendly. There is a lot of love, warmth, affection in him. This is all the baby needs.
But he also needs personal space to explore the world. Who knows, the skill can rise by himself, overcoming pain - will help him to achieve his goals in adulthood.
Two main laws. The first is that the parent is always right. Second - if not right, see point one
Mom was preparing porridge for Masha in the morning. Having scooped up the porridge with a spoon and tasted it, my mother grunted with satisfaction, the porridge came out great. And Masha woke up, drank the compote and refuses to eat. “Let's eat!” Mom says. “I don’t want to, I won’t,” Masha replies.
Conflict, clash of interests, opinions between parent and child - who is right? A mom who knows that the regime is important, or a child who has a right to his self. How to act? There is only one recipe - to negotiate! To do this is simple, clear and clear. It is enough to demonstrate that you understand the child's needs and articulate yours.
Example:
Mom: Masha, do I understand correctly that you don't want to eat?
Masha: Yes.
Mom: I am sad because of this, I tried, cooked. Let's do a little exercise (game) now, and then you will eat a couple of spoons of porridge?
Parents understand their hobbies better than their children
Misha is 6 years old, he devotedly plays constructor all day long. Combines, fantasizes. Every time you get something new and interesting. Transformers - a space submarine, a skyscraper hangar for aircraft. Grandmother advises mom: "A dance club has opened in our kindergarten. There is a talented teacher, Misha will like it." And Misha, according to the teachers, does not show any interest in dancing at all.
Difficulty of choice. A good teacher is great. And if the boy gets carried away with dancing, this can become his support in the future. And in general, can a child understand his hobbies at the age of six? Should the parents make the decision for him? How many times, through force, do you need to take a child to something that he does not like so that the parents stop
Assume that children do not understand why they are being punished
There is no recipe, the development of the child is the competence and responsibility of the parents, but be attentive to the baby. During childhood, the development of one part of the brain automatically influences the development of another. If you teach how to play ball well, reading and writing will develop through fine motor skills. Think a little about yourself, how you feel when you go to an unloved job. What is the mood? Motivation? So it is with the circles and hobbies of the child. Be sure that what the child likes is easy to develop.
The parent has the right to punish the child
Mom found a moment of rest, sat down in an armchair in front of the TV and turned on the TV program. At this time, Lenochka was drawing with enthusiasm, and when the space on the paper ran out, she began to work on the doors. Literally three minutes later, the snow-white door was covered with brown spots. When my mother saw the white-brown door, she started shouting at Lenochka.
Assume that the children do not understand why they are being punished. A stern facial expression, a dry and angry tone of voice is already a significant punishment for a child. But before showing your emotions, try to take the child's place, understand if there is your contribution in the situation that does not suit you, and then act. If punishment is really necessary, refrain from yelling and physical punishment. You can impose restrictions on watching cartoons, buying toys, pocket money, etc.
In conclusion, I would like to wish parents that, before making decisions that will affect the fate of the child, track their motivation by asking themselves a few simple questions: ("Cartesian coordinates" technique):
- What will happen to the child if I do this?
- What will happen to the child if I don't?
- What will the child lose if I do this?
- What will the child lose if I don't?
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