Thick-skinned And Thin-skinned

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Here is such an image: if you run barefoot on pebbles from childhood, the skin on your legs will be rough, hardened, pebbles and temperature changes are not afraid, the sensitivity is low. If from childhood you put on a soft sock under everything and every day after a warm bath you lubricate the legs with a gentle cream, then the skin will be delicate, sensitive, not suitable for pebbles and barefoot for stones.

A rough, traumatic, stressful effect causes a defensive reaction in the form of coarsening, loss of some of the sensitivity, protection. A soft, accurate, supportive effect, on the contrary, develops sensitivity, susceptibility, vulnerability.

What is sensitivity? - The ability to perceive external stimuli, and the higher it is, the more subtle nuances and shades it includes, and, the more vulnerable the body is to them. The lower, the more powerful and coarse influences are needed to pass through its threshold, the more protected the organism, and so on until complete loss of sensitivity.

And now back to the children, which, in fact, is the speech about.

I will temporarily leave aside that children are initially born with different sensitivities, suppose we are talking about approximately the same innate sensitivity in children.

If from birth loud music is played in the house, the lights are on and the TV set is on in the form of background noise, the child will learn to sleep soundly despite all this, even in infancy (children after 2.5 generally begin to sleep very soundly, now we are not talking about them). He will do this because the constant increased stimulation of the extremely delicate infant nervous system will lead to a decrease in sensitivity and susceptibility, in particular to sounds, and, if the parents are completely stupid, to hearing loss. The ability to sleep soundly in the presence of noise and light is a good skill. I suppose that the abilities of such a child in such things as ear for music, for example, the ability to hear "music of silence" and other "fine tuning" in this area will also decrease.

A child who constantly hears a shout and receives cuffs loses sensitivity to them. That is why so many grown up children-adults live in the opinion "here I was flogged and nicho grew up." Severe punishments, rudeness, all this sooner or later ceases to have a strong effect, the ability to perceive and feel them decreases, the body, the soul is protected from stress by thick skin. Then children grow up who are insensitive to the feelings and words of others as well as to their own, who are less capable of empathy, who are not distracted by the thought of someone else's pain, who do not feel the shades of feelings.

It's not that any of these edges are better or worse. The carapace protects. The shell does not allow you to feel. This is the price, or the downside, and so on. And all that we, parents, are able to do (except for trying to keep a non-existent golden mean) is to understand what we pay for hardening, and what we pay for greenhouse conditions. And make this daily choice for your child.

I'll write about myself. Personally, it seems to me that emotional sensitivity, psychology, reflectivity, the ability to deeply and subtly understand and read people are important to me. This is my personal life value, it is not badly developed for me, and it is important for me to develop it in children. Therefore, I am overly thoughtful, attentive to their requests, the slightest fluctuations in mood and pace, I am not traumatic to their souls and their feelings, I give them the opportunity to live with me any emotions without condemnation, and learn to understand themselves and understand them, feel like why they appear, how they grow, how they go out, what words and actions spur them on, what changes. It is important for me to raise children who know how to feel fine.

At the same time, they are always barefoot, unwashed and in snot. And when Danilych says "hoooooolono", I say - well, bear with me, I'm also cold, what do you want, winter. Never worn or lisped in health matters, nothing was treated in life except for 1-2 cases of specific complications with antibiotics, they did not know any poultices, creams, bathing in a row, pretty Spartan, almost village children grow up. And again - I know the fee. I personally hate eternal hypochondriacs with dozens of powders and diagnoses, and therefore I do not at all crave to have children who sneeze from drafts and poison themselves from unwashed hands. I realize that I am crying for this with reduced sensitivity to my body. Most likely, they, like me, will drive themselves into lack of sleep and fatigue, do not react until the last to a bad creak in the knee and spit on a lavender bath and massage. Well. After all, they are my children.

If you force a child to finish eating or eat what he does not want (by any means, including cartoons and songs), his sensitivity to what and how much he needs is reduced. As an example, it will be more difficult for him not to overeat afterwards. I am terribly terribly terribly obsessed with the fact that children never and nothing to shove with persuasion, conditions and dances. Therefore, my daughter is able to eat three tablespoons of ice cream (which she VERY loves) and say "I don't want to anymore." They both know perfectly well how much they need. They have no obsession with eating sweets. It's available.

I took care of their nervous system when they were small. They are attentive, calm children. At the same time, they instantly fall into stress and ask to leave if they find themselves in the wild ore of the music of the game center. They simply cannot withstand such a strong impact, despite the fact that most of the children who have been dragged to shops and parties since 3 weeks of age are sausage to the screams of a DJ into a microphone at 2 years of age and do not know sadness. They plug my ears and ask me to leave. This is the price for sensitivity, I understand it, I created it myself.

I have been adding chili to their food grain by grain since 7 months of age. In their under 3 and 5, they eat relatively spicy food, which is a blessing, because I love spicy and want to go to the same restaurants with them. Perhaps they are as insensitive to unleavened food as I am. And to the shades of insipid food, which I do not know and do not feel, it is all tasteless to me. I remember that I was very surprised when my husband said that he could not sleep with a stuffy nose. What you need to rinse and drip. I didn't even know. How can you not sleep - open your mouth and sleep! I am insensitive about some things. I do not rinse or bury my children's nose with a runny nose. They will somehow smear snot on their cheeks and sleep.

It seems to me that it is simply important to understand what develops and what suppresses any strong influence.

Scream.

Refusal to approach in response to a tantrum.

Sugar in tea.

Antibacterial hand gel.

Bright light in the room during daytime sleep

Lack of regime

Presence of the regime

Inhalation.

Disciplinary action

Infant gymnastics

Permission is cold

The prohibition to get your feet wet

Lack of sleep

"Stop crying!"

Say thank you to grandma

Etc

Etc

Where the child will have a corn, and where the thin skin is sensitive to everything.

It's figurative.

This is our choice.