2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Remembering my first year of life with a child, I was surprised and did not understand why my experiences resemble the classic stages of grief. Working with clients, communicating with acquaintances, girlfriends about the difficulties of motherhood, I was convinced that my feelings do not deceive me.
Reflecting on my experience, I became more and more strengthened in the thought that I grieve for myself as before, for myself before motherhood.
1. Denial. Shock - I became a mother. Is all this happening to me? I seem to look at everything from the side.
2. Aggression. How did it happen that I got into this ass ?! How I lived harmoniously and happily. I am sorry that I gave birth to a child.
3. Bargaining. Can you still return it? What if I leave and don't come back home? Will I return to my old life?
4. Depression. Despair. Disappointment. Irritation to the child and husband. Looks like I'm forever in this ass! Suicide won't save me. Impotence. Sadness. Tears, many tears. Gloomy haze.
5. Acceptance. Humility. I have no options but to accept that I have become a mom. A feeling of oneness with all the mothers of the world. We are all different, but each experiences something similar at its own pace, in its own intensity. Sooner or later. My experience of motherhood becomes voluminous, tangible, multi-colored and a part of me. Experience enriches me as a person and as a specialist. There is gratitude to God and to oneself.
If you are experiencing any of these experiences, remember that this is a natural reaction. So I would now warn women who are expecting a child or preparing for motherhood.
Of course, not all women go through all these stages - and that's okay too. Or they pass, but not in the same sequence. Accommodation of grief is individual.
But we all really need support. In caring support for living your grief. Tim Lawrence “We all have to grieve. How to help a person in grief and what cannot be done”writes:
“When a person is devastated by grief, the last thing he needs is advice.
If you try to "fix" something in him, correct, or rationalize his grief, or wash away his pain, you will only intensify the nightmare in which the person is now living.
The best thing to do is to acknowledge his pain.
That is to say literally: “I see your pain, I acknowledge your pain. And I'm with you.
Just be near the person you love, share his suffering, listen to him.
There is nothing stronger in terms of the power of influence than simply admitting the enormity of a person's grief.
Because it is in this nightmare, into which we so rarely dare to look, that healing begins. Healing begins when next to the grieving person there is another person who wants to experience this nightmare with him."
And in this process of living with grief, a mother is born …
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