7 Types Of Imperfect Fathers And The Life Prospects Of Their Children

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The role of the father in the upbringing of sons and daughters is not at all simpler, and sometimes even more difficult and more responsible, than the role of the mother. Continuing the topic - a conversation about the causes and consequences of paternal mistakes in raising children.

1. An authoritarian father perceives children as little adults, so he cannot find a common language with them

So, he sincerely wonders how a mere trifle can bring a little person to tears (for example, a bursting balloon) or, conversely, cause his stormy enthusiasm (for example, a hollow found in a tree), and therefore is not able to share the sadness and joy of his child. The inner world of a son or daughter is of no interest to such a parent. Education in the "performance" of an authoritarian father comes down to vigilant control of the child's behavior, lectures, admonitions and strict requirements: "Don't go!", "Don't touch!", "Put it in place!" etc.

The ideal parent in his mind is an aggressive moralist who throughout his life teaches his stupid child to reason, using exclusively the whip method. It is impossible to please such a father: he easily finds something to find fault with, and ignores the child's successes and achievements, thereby devaluing them.

Being overly afraid of losing his parental authority, such an adult constantly instills in the child: "You must (must) obey me for the simple reason that I am your father!" In rare cases, an authoritarian father is able to admit that he was wrong, unfair to the child, but he never thinks of apologizing to his son or daughter. The daughter of an authoritarian father, who does not understand her desires and needs and therefore does not know how to reckon with them, has great chances to start a family with a man prone to physical and psychological violence - a domestic tyrant. And the son, most likely, will grow up to be overly pedantic and executive, he will lack creative courage and flexibility of thinking.

Another problem of the sons of powerful fathers is the inability to express their emotions, which is fraught with psychosomatic illnesses.

2. The estranged father is extremely contemptuous of "calf tenderness", therefore he never hugs, does not kiss, does not caress either children or his wife in their presence

The tactile "callousness" of the father is especially detrimental to girls. So, the need for bodily contact with the father, unsatisfied in childhood, leads to the fact that an adult daughter has difficulties in showing sexuality and often ends up in bed with barely familiar men.

The estrangement between father and son arises during pregnancy if an adult perceives an unborn boy as a rival or experiences a feeling of resentment. Such a father is emotionally inaccessible to the child, closed, picky, hostile, sometimes even cruel, and this demeanor, alas, is inherited by his son.

3. A soft father, due to low self-esteem, is not confident in himself and is not capable of decisive action

It is difficult for him to defend his interests, so he often sacrifices them, without a "fight" agreeing to concessions that are unfavorable for himself. He believes that a bad world is better than a good quarrel and avoids conflicts. A soft father is usually unsuitable for everyday life: even hammering a nail into a wall is a tricky task for him. If an overbearing mother constantly humiliates her spouse, keeps her under the thumb, does not take into account his opinion and interests, she thereby devalues the image of a man in the eyes of children, explains psychologist Lyudmila Ovsyanik.

In childhood, children can be ashamed of their kind, subtle parent and only with time, having matured, begin to appreciate him at its true worth. The grown-up daughter of a gentle father is attracted to feminine men, i.e. using a female model of behavior. She chooses as life companions those men whom society considers to be losers. From an early age, a son becomes like his father and grows up with the conviction that "a woman is always right."

4. A father who is addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling completely absorbs the attention of the mother, who, as a rule, suffers from neurotic disorders and is often irritable and aggressive

In such a family, children are acutely lacking in parental love, they feel unwanted and unnecessary. Having to choose which side they are on - a dependent father or a codependent mother, children often support an unlucky parent, because it is calmer and more comfortable with him.

Having started an independent life, the daughter of an alcoholic father, or a drug addict, or a gambling addict will subconsciously look for dependent partners. A son may become addicted to alcohol or drugs during adolescence. If this does not happen, he is still unlikely to create a happy family and become an effective parent: children of alcoholics and drug addicts are convinced that physical, psychological and emotional abuse towards loved ones is natural and normal, and it cannot be otherwise.

5. A workaholic father has deep problems in the emotional sphere of the personality: work replaces him with love, affection, entertainment and other types of family communications

Endless and reckless labor exploits are the same way to escape from reality, like alcohol and drugs. Workaholic children suffer bitterly from emotional unavailability and lack of parental attention. The simple and natural desires of sons and daughters to play with their father after a hard day, to have fun in his company on a weekend, even to talk about something ordinary are satisfied in exceptional cases. Sooner or later, children come to the conclusion that they are simply unworthy of their father - they did not achieve his love, did not justify the hopes placed on them. They begin to perceive the rare attention and affection of their father as undeserved happiness. The fear of rejection and abandonment, born in childhood, does not disappear in adulthood.

So, the daughters of workaholic fathers feel painful attachment to their chosen ones, endure all kinds of humiliation on their part (insults, betrayal, beatings) and find excuses for the most cruel acts of their partners. If a father pays off his loved ones with expensive gifts, and his daughter's absence is explained by the fact that “dad makes money,” in the future she will perceive the stronger sex exclusively as a source of prosperity. It will be very difficult for her to build trusting relationships with men. The sons of workaholics, in turn, are looking for their destiny for a long time and often grow up "unlucky".

6. The Sunday dad should remember that the child's attitude to himself and those around him largely depends on which image of the coming father - positive or negative - will be created by the mother. So, if a woman is seriously traumatized by the divorce situation and experiences deep resentment against her ex-husband, it is highly likely that her daughter will develop a negativistic attitude towards men, warns psychologist Lyudmila Ovsyanik. The son may grow up not emotional enough, face the problem of sexual orientation. Therefore, for the sake of the well-being of children, former spouses should maintain warm relations, talk only good things about each other, and be sure to coordinate the methods and techniques of upbringing.

7. Frustrated by the sex of the child, the father can damage the mental development of the little person

Psychologists and psychotherapists are convinced that it is fundamentally important that parents, already in the first minutes of a child's life, unconditionally love and accept him as he is, simply by his birthright. More often than not, men feel betrayed by their expectations when a girl is born. If the father begins to reject the child as a girl and treat him like a boy, encouraging a male model of behavior, it is difficult for the daughter to understand what her gender role is, she is tormented by the question: "Who and what should I be?" and finds no answer. Such confusion is dangerous, because awareness of one's gender is an important part of self-acceptance and self-respect. Also, the daughter may have problems with sexual orientation.