2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Sometimes I feel powerless. For me, this is one of the most difficult feelings to bear, because there is no energy here, but I certainly want to do something. Because from this intolerance and your own failure you want to run away anywhere: in anger, in guilt, in resentment, in arrogance - anywhere, but just not to stay here. In powerlessness.
You can get into this experience in different situations:
- When a person complains, you know how to help, but he categorically does not accept the offered help.
- When a beautiful girl opposite is crying bitterly from unbearable loneliness and longing for close warm relationships, but for a week she has been sabotaging any options to meet a man.
- When you see how a loved one suffers, he may go into binges, or he may endure violence, but he is fine. "Everyone lives like this, this is my cross - and I carry it."
- When a person is terribly hurt by the fact that his illusions are crumbling, and he asks me: "Tell me that he will return, because I cannot live without him! Just tell the truth!"
- When you find out that your peer has an incurable disease and doctors shrug their shoulders. And you suddenly realize that you are mortal.
I face impotence as a psychologist and as a person.
The simplest, and paradoxically, the most difficult thing here is to admit its presence, stay in it and not escape. Because it is in this moment that you can reach the bottom and see the support from which you can push off and start getting out. It is here that you can see the strength, courage and responsibility of another person, the very one whom we cannot "save". It is here that you can see reality, so unpleasant, but so lively and flexible.
To live powerlessness helps me to share responsibility with the opposite person, without falling into guilt. Because I know for sure that for my part I did everything I could, and I see in front of me an adult capable person who somehow survived to this day without my participation. This is what allows me to help, but not turn into a rescuer who does good to his taste and color.
Recognizing my powerlessness, voicing his interlocutor, on the one hand, I share his pain, give the right to this feeling to be, stay with him in this intolerance, and on the other hand, I give power to the one to whom it belongs by right. I cannot accept my help for him, I cannot meet men instead of her, I cannot stop drinking instead of another, I cannot force a loved one to return, I cannot prevent death. That's how much I can't. But when I say this, it makes me feel better.
Because a lot of this can be done by the opposite person. Indeed it can. Accept help, learn to get to know each other, start taking care of yourself, build new relationships. And death is difficult. There are examples that it can be postponed, but no one will give guarantees. And here it remains only to accept that there are things that neither I can influence, nor the other person. One can only grieve about this. Together.
Live the moments of your own powerlessness in order to meet your strength again.
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