2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It is generally accepted that the sources of mistrust are the cruel life lessons that we learn as we grow up. But believe me, in 7 years of counseling, I have met wonderful people with a happy childhood within the framework of the generally accepted, and there is no need to look for trauma everywhere.
Yes, inside they are alone, but only because society imposes norms of happiness and harmony. How many times have I heard that someone loves a closed person and cannot reach his heart. Is indifference to the inner experiences of such a person love? And imposing your concern for the sake of your own ego?
Closed people can both be psychologically traumatized and not be, but they are often united by informal thinking, a latent or obvious unwillingness to follow stereotypes, subtlety of perception and a sharper reaction to familiar things. And they are constantly faced with the need to follow the desires of the environment and fit into the format, this causes misunderstanding, resentment, and the simplest way of psychological protection that they develop is not to let anyone close.
Understand that every emotion shown, a glimpse of sincerity, frankness, or any other tiny step to meet this world causes fear. Because once they already asked for understanding, attention and solicitude, but were not accepted as they are.
Teaching someone to express their feelings correctly is an art, the basics of which should be comprehended by starting with yourself. In order to touch someone else's heart, you must first show your own. Such a person will be able to calm down a little when you are the first to be naked, and if you love such a person, you should not be afraid, they know how to accept someone else's frankness and treat people with tact.
Do not try to force your way, do not demand, do not press and do not insist. If you do not have a sincere desire to become close to this person - and do not start, you will not have enough patience, you will consider it a one-sided game.
Learn to give freedom and opportunity to explore you. Only by making sure of your safety for your own spiritual territory is rapprochement possible. Remember what leads to such a state of mind, and do not repeat the mistakes of society, that is, do not adapt to the standards of society, do not crush with your emotions, do not control or redo.
Understand one thing - your desire to warm, correct and give what others did not give - is perceived as an attempt to get into the soul and limit freedom. The main principle is strict dosage of oneself in the personal space of another.
You cannot disaccustom a person to wait for a blow and constantly calculate how his frankness will come back to him. Only he himself can take a step towards himself. To yourself alive and feeling.
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