Elephant In The Room: How Schizoids See The World

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Seeming coldness and closeness, the desire to keep a distance, love of solitude, honesty, a tendency to analyze and theorize everything, often a creative mindset and high intelligence, complete or partial lack of empathy, categorical denial of manipulation and other "social games" are the features of the classic schizoid.

According to an American psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams, there are not so many schizoids on the planet - only 1-2% of people. It is not difficult to recognize them: the first signs of a schizoid personality type appear already at an early age. These children are supersensitive: they react sharply to external noise, a large crowd of people and absolutely do not accept too aggressive intrusion into their space. So, if children of a different type can reach out to strangers, then the schizoid tries in every possible way to "disconnect" from the reality that frightens him - to leave, hide, fall asleep.

Instead of social games that annoy him, such a child prefers to read or draw alone. At the same time, he feels happy. It seems that the schizoid does not need people at all. Over time, an adult can be considered strange, insensitive and even asocial: this is the first impression he often makes. However, it is deceptive: the schizoid extremely appreciates communication and human warmth, is able to understand and love, but the presence of people in his life must be dosed, otherwise he feels in danger.

The desire to move away and win the right to their territory often manifests itself even physically - schizoids will not move their chair towards you, strive to live in the same room with you and spend several weeks together. For their integrity and harmony, at least the potential to close the door from time to time and relax in seclusion is very important, which seems to them rather beautiful than frightening.

Psychologists say that people with a schizoid personality type do not have such energy resources as others. That is why they cannot stand empty talk, prolonged conflicts, psychological manipulations. All this seems to them artificial, unprofitable, and simply meaningless.

As a rule, this explains the narrow social circle of the schizoid. Such people are not inclined to make acquaintances for the sake of dating. Sometimes it can be difficult to understand what they are thinking and feeling. This is due to the extreme selectivity of schizoids. The key to their inner world is received only by the closest ones, those who were able to earn trust with their careful and careful attitude.

External apparent coldness and detachment (the key word is apparent) sometimes makes people think about pathologies. But schizoid is not a disease. Psychotherapist Evgeniya Belyakova explains:

“Outwardly they are coldish, outwardly not rich facial expressions. At the same time, there is a very rich inner world inside. This differs from schizophrenia, in which the world is poor."

Like people of other psychological types (narcissists and hysterics), the schizoid has its own defense system. As a rule, one dominates among them - avoiding a frustrating object or situation. As soon as the schizoid feels discomfort or danger, he withdraws as much as possible and tries in any way to leave the reality that does not suit him. Most often, the schizoid resorts to flight into his fantasies. Physically, his distance can be literal - the schizoid leaves the place or person (often without explaining anything), is forgotten in alcohol or drugs, simply falls asleep.

Sometimes this trait makes him "strange" in the eyes of others. The straightforwardness of the exits annoys with its honest message - the schizoid does not see the point in pretense and social games. He refuses to engage in any kind of manipulation. As reported Nancy McWilliams,

«They always choose a distance, and they do not need other distorting defenses: denial, dissociation (separating themselves from their unpleasant experiences), repression. Perhaps that is why they are often aware of processes that are unconscious for others.

The Americans have a proverb: "An elephant is in the room, but no one notices it." People of the schizoid personality type always see this elephant and are surprised that others do not notice it. But when they try to talk about this elephant, they are looked at like crazy."

Despite the fact that usually schizoids understand their nature and do not suffer much, there is a moment of drama in their life. It is no coincidence that the concept of "schizoid" etymologically means splitting, split. Striving to preserve themselves and the familiar, already equipped world, they are in dire need of warmth and love. However, the too aggressive invasion of a partner is often perceived by the schizoid as a threat to his existence. The more the partner seeks to take possession of the schizoid's personal space, the more likely this union will disintegrate.

The idea that the schizoid does not know how to love is a myth. Such people tend to have a sincere and very deep feeling. However, for many, relationships with them turn into a real test, since when approaching a schizoid, one has to constantly take into account his desire to preserve his individuality, refusal to completely merge with a partner, and sometimes the need for separate housing.

People of a different kind need to understand that the detachment of the schizoid is not synonymous with indifference. However, the merger and absorption by another person seems to the schizoid a catastrophe, literally incompatible with life. At some stage in the relationship, trying to get closer, the schizoid himself may try to merge with a partner. But psychotherapeutic practice shows that in the end these people feel extremely uncomfortable and inevitably begin to fight for their space.

The outcome of this conflict depends on both partners. And here it is important to understand that schizoids also come in different types. Evgenia Belyakova notes that schizoidness can be both sensitive - when a person feels that it can be difficult with him and tries to learn how to better interact with people (while maintaining the full set of schizoid qualities, but expanding social skills), and icy, when inaccessibility, the snobbery and coldness of the schizoid are elevated to the absolute. Of course, it is almost impossible to maintain an alliance with the second type. However, in the first case, there is every chance of building a deep and fruitful interaction.

For example, a schizoid, often incapable of words of support and expressions of love in the required partner volume, can prove his feelings with real actions. And his partner can work on his ego and literally stop choking another with his love and affection. Indeed, for the schizoid, the main condition for maintaining the union is personal safety, and the partner's desire to respect the boundaries of the schizoid personality eventually translates into building really strong, long-term and trusting relationships.