2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Working as a family psychologist, I often come across the topic of female infidelity. Contrary to popular beliefs about the polygamy of men and the monogamy of women, women also cheat, and this is not at all uncommon. I have no personal statistics on who does it more often, but such a phenomenon as female infidelity and, conversely, male loyalty is not surprising to me. There are women and men who live with only one sexual partner for many years. And there are men and women who are cheating.
Male infidelity, of course, hurts a woman, but they tend to justify such behavior, because "such is the male nature" and therefore all that remains is to cry, understand and forgive. While, faced with female infidelity, many find themselves at best in confusion, and usually in censure and condemnation.
In this article, I do not want to dwell on the analysis of the correctness of the choice of such a way of behavior and life, especially on the question of the normality or morality of a woman, this is everyone's personal business, and taking as a basis the fact that this is happening, make out why. What are the reasons for female infidelity that takes place in a long-term relationship, where partners value each other and want to be together.
Women cheat for various reasons, but for convenience I have combined them into two groups: the first - when the betrayal is related to the partner, that is, it is addressed to him, the second - when it concerns only the woman and her personal life.
1. Cheating is a message addressed to your permanent partner. This is a wrapper, inside which the text is hidden and for various reasons, it could not be voiced in another way. That is, if a woman could and knew how to convey her feelings, problems or desires, then there would be no need for treason. Here, cheating is about anything but sex. It is rather about a relationship in crisis, and there is a need to change something in them. Very often, a couple is not aware of this crisis and only thanks to betrayal, they discover how much has been neglected in their relationship, how many problems have been ignored. Their eyes open, but, unfortunately, it is too late.
Messages may vary. For example: “You don’t pay attention to me, you don’t look after me, you don’t admire me, you don’t talk about my attractiveness! So, there will be others who will notice this in me, and you will understand how wrong you were! "," You hurt me - I will hurt you! " to another”,“I can't stand it anymore!”.
Scare, take revenge, make you jealous, attract attention, inflict pain, so that the partner suffers and torments. Women often want a man to know about this betrayal and do something. To understand something about her, about her condition, so that he changes and their relationship changes.
The reason for choosing this method of "communication" with a partner is the fear of talking about what you do not like, the inability to show anger directly at the partner, suppressed and accumulated grievances. Sometimes this comes from despair when a lot is said, but not heard by a man. Cheating, as the last desperate attempt to inform your partner about the mental pain from the feeling of uselessness, worthlessness, and intolerance of the situation in which the woman is. And yet, deep down, she hopes that the partner will hear, see, their relationship will change and will continue.
2. The personal sex life of a woman. Such behavior can hardly even be called cheating, because its purpose is not to change the couple, but to obtain additional sexual pleasure. And pleasure is one of the life values of a woman. If in the first version, the betrayal carried information to the partner, then in this case it only applies to the woman, her experience and development. A partner is a perfectly suitable life partner, but for various reasons cannot satisfy all her sexual needs. The woman accepts him for who he is, without trying to remake, realizing that he cannot give absolutely everything that she needs. The partner is carefully guarded from knowledge of such infidelities, knowing full well that this can hurt him, and on the other hand, bear undesirable consequences for the marriage, up to its collapse, if the partner does not adhere to the view of free sexual relations.
The reason for looking for another sexual partner can be boring and monotonous sex in a couple, sexual dissatisfaction. Mismatch in rhythm, sexual constitution and range of succession. When a man is afraid of the manifestations of female sexuality, and a woman holds her back, while not receiving the pleasure that is available to her. She is ashamed, feels not free and not revealed in her sexual potential.
Sometimes a woman is driven by the need for new experiences, for experiments. Interestingly, cheating can be a couple's unconscious request. When a passive man expects a woman to become more sensual, sexual and proactive, the woman goes to "learn" from a more experienced partner and brings this new experience to the family.
Curiosity and the opportunity to explore yourself and experience new sensations. What will I be with the other? The reason for cheating may be having a little sexual experience. In the case of early marriage, for example. How will it be now? How will it be with the other?
It is possible that after satisfying her curiosity and gaining new experience, the woman again returns to one sexual partner, because others are no longer needed. Especially good prognosis in those couples where the man is also developing in this area.
It happens that a woman does not see the point in limiting herself to one sexual partner, if she can have fun with different men. In this case, you can talk about a way of life, and not a one-time or occasionally satisfying your curiosity. And here, of course, it would be ideal if the man shared the same values, and the couple could agree on this.
To change or not to change?
Dealing with the topic of cheating, both female and male, is always difficult, because we are raised in a society where sexual fidelity is considered one of the important values in a couple. And often in this place an internal conflict arises in which each person chooses for himself.
The choice of sexual fidelity to a partner is not always an indicator of a person's maturity and awareness. It can be dictated not by the value of loyalty, but by fear and shame, which in turn can destroy the couple from the accumulated anger and dissatisfaction. Just like the choice in favor of changing, it can only be an unconscious fear of intimacy, an escape from unresolved conflicts, which really allows you to relieve tension for a while, but, in fact, slows down the development of both a person and a relationship, because the problem remains.
Whatever choice is made: to change or not to change, it will always be a choice. And this means that it will have its own consequences, with which every person must meet. And the willingness to be responsible for the consequences of your choices is a sign of a mature choice and a mature personality.
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