SECRETS OF COMMUNICATION WITH STATUS PEOPLE

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-15 16:05

Who are status people, how do they differ from others and how to communicate successfully with them?

"Status" can be called people exposed by power, strong-willed, purposeful, with strong characters that make others reckon with them, strain in their presence, look for words and feel insecure.

In this article, we will describe the features of this psychotype, access keys, leading values, protective functions, temperament characteristics, behavioral strategies, weaknesses and leadership style. And we will also give a number of tips and practical recommendations on how to build relationships, communication and be understandable for people of this type, be able to convey information to them, defend their opinion, gaining bonuses in their eyes.

Who are they status security officials? These are businessmen, politicians, professional athletes, top managers, officials, academics, military officers, honored teachers, representatives of law enforcement agencies.

One way or another, these are strong people, either endowed with power, or striving for it in every possible way. Their active natures are interested in career growth, social status, personal achievements, privileges and advantages. It is important for them to be recognized by colleagues, friends, the opportunity to be in the spotlight, to manage people from behind the curtains, to play by different rules, not like everyone else, in the awareness that their opinion is respected and respected.

Based on this, there is a whole methodology of how to communicate with representatives of this type of people, what can be said in their presence, and what cannot. The uniqueness of the methodology is that it does not matter who is in front of you - a special service major or a high school principal - their communication strategies will be very similar. Powerful strong-willed people aiming at their own status have a lot in common.

Therefore, we conditionally combine them into one psychotype.

Features of status security officials:

Status values

Sketch on the topic: When a person receives a salary of $ 1000, he is proud of himself, but when he makes a profit of $ 5000 monthly for several years in a row, his lifestyle will change. He will buy expensive things, vacation in prestigious resorts, hire a maid or cook. His perception of himself will change, he will get used to the fact that he deserves all the best, and will perceive the people around him differently - more strictly, demanding, without unnecessary conversations or immersion in other people's details.

This is what a status is - a privileged position, a different vision of the world and oneself in it, an orientation to a different level of quality, service, attitude to one's time and life guidelines.

The poor man works to survive and invests all his money in children. A rich person works to live even better, invests in children, his own health, interesting leisure time, guarantees for the future and personal development.

Big difference. And communication with status people is very different.

They respect their interests in everything, value their time, trust only the best specialists, want to receive guarantees of the result, do not like to pay more than expected, defend their rights, require careful attention, (as a rule) are well versed in people, strive to buy only the products of reputable brands. Or vice versa, they appreciate various novelties and unique products.

Key words at this level: “best”, “quality”, “guarantees”, “professionalism”, “status”, “originality”, “uniqueness”, “only you and Michael Jackson will have this (Steve Jobs, Paris Hilton, Madonna, Abramovich).

Emotional closeness

The originality of status security officials is that, due to their innate temperament (dominant type) or because of their developed professional habit, they almost do not express emotions in the social environment. The exception is anger, discontent and irritation, that is, negative emotions, just this type expresses confidently and quite often.

In a family, with friends, with children, on vacation, this type of people can be as emotional and relaxed as others, but in a formal or business environment they are flint, multiplied by a mean facial expression and an aiming assessing glance.

Only a very perceptive person or a professional psychologist can understand what they really think and what their response to what they hear.

What is the trick, why do they do this, what prevents them from being like everyone else?

Striving for status superiority.

Why express emotions when you can soberly think about the situation and say: "I agree" or "Re-do it, this does not suit me." In our highly functional society, there are many formal frameworks when emotions are regarded as something superfluous, as a manifestation of weakness and naivety. And high-status security officials do not want to be (or look) weak, allow them to “read” their inner world, open up and be vulnerable.

Usually, such closeness is an indicator of complex life experience, which taught us not to trust people and keep a distance, but it can also serve as the result of professional development where it is impossible or impossible to empathize with people and open up - for example, doctors, the Ministry of Emergencies, the military, the Ministry of Internal Affairs, and etc.

Key descriptions of this level: severity, coldness, power, distrust, anger, suspicion, callousness, lack of empathy, isolation.

Formal frame

Since status security officials strive for a dominant position in society, they often occupy leading positions (and feel very good there), set tasks and control their implementation. In the process of communicating with them, an interesting phenomenon arises, which we will call "formal space".

Sketch: the director enters the department, looks around with a stern look … and everyone freezes. Further, the conversation proceeds only on the merits and not very confidently.

What it is? This is an example of creating a formal space, where only one language is officially allowed - the language of results and achievements, production tasks and team plans. Formal space is needed for the director to instill diligence, the official - to fend off annoying requests, the military officer - to increase the vigilance of the soldiers in the performance of the service, the director - to instill fear in the students of the school and stop their antics for a while.

Formal space is what you need to be mentally prepared for when going to a meeting with a high-profile security official. It's like a sorting sieve or a cold shower, they are needed to tune the layman in a certain way and get as much information from him as possible in the shortest possible time, and prevent him from throwing "emotional networks" of complaints, whining and his own insolvency on an official, doctor, military man, etc. etc.

"What are you sick with?", "How are you being treated?", "Where were the examination?" - clear chopped questions instantly return responsibility to the client, make them get together and fluently answer questions, while the doctor looks sternly from under the glasses.

Key phrases: “talk on business”, “do not get distracted”, “about this later”, “why didn’t you?”, “When will you report?”, “Next”.

Competition and dominant temperament

Temperament is an inborn personality trait. He can be more dominant, or softer, adaptive. It is the temperament that pushes people to passion, risk, competition, the desire to win.

When developing a personality towards a power type, a person likes to challenge those who are at least somewhat superior to him, be it an analytical debate, achievements in sports or a comparison of cars.

For status security officials, dispute and competition are another opportunity to maintain their status, assert themselves in their eyes, and prove their strengths to others. If they fail to win the dispute, the security officials very quickly demonstrate a lack of interest or devalue other people's arguments.

If your criticism hit the top ten and you hit them for a lively - they will make every effort to prove to you otherwise! Therefore, there is such a criterion: the harder, louder and more demonstratively the security officer denies your injection, the deeper it was. The relationship is directly proportional. You need to know this type well in order to see how they are going through, hiding their emotions even from themselves, how worried, afraid to miscalculate, do not want to be hit "face in the mud", to lose the respect of others, to be "losers" or losers in the eyes of respected and people who respect them. Key words: "better", "blown", "you are cool", "young fellow!", "On the drum".

Increased criticality

Power type people are more picky than, for example, emotional and others.

Noticing shortcomings, inaccuracies and mistakes in the words and actions of other people, they show the level of their education and experience, confirm their status, are proud of themselves, cherish self-esteem, improve mood.

This is another way to dominate the situation, to be the best, to climb to the top of Olympus. There is nothing particularly bad in this impulse, problems with security officials begin when they are inadequate and flirt with ambition and tyranny. As the saying goes - "they can't add up their prices." But this is just one of the options.

Among people who are experienced, strong, status-oriented, a large percentage are active, purposeful workaholics who do not stop there. Therefore, they often have the right to criticize others, having experience and knowledge, going through the school of life and overcoming their own complexes. But there are no ideal people, and the security officials periodically impose their opinions, give an unsolicited assessment of actions, slightly “draw” against the general background, attracting the attention of others.

An interesting feature of the siloviki is that the more adequate they are, the more they demand from themselves. The more inadequate, the more they demand from others, guided by the principle: “that I will forgive myself, I will not forgive others”.

If the status of the siloviki himself is little realized in life, then he is realized at the expense of those around him and his far-fetched mockery and comments (decrees, dictatorship, pressure) are of little value. This is how their unrealized energy finds a way out, in contrast to them, a realized security officer does not waste time criticizing others, he plows himself and forces others to plow. At the most, it can "explode" and rip apart the most inert employee.

Power, control, security

Another interesting trait of strong and dedicated people is their tendency to be in control of what is happening. What for? Control is a guarantee that everything will happen in the right way, will give the desired result in the future.

What for? Because all people care about their safety, the absence of anxiety and fear for themselves, their property, lifestyle, personal comfort and the comfort of their loved ones.

The siloviki, like everyone else, are worried about their future. They use power and control to ensure that circumstances are right. If the director puts pressure on subordinates, shouts, criticizes them, this means that he is worried about the company, wants to play it safe and increase reliability.

The harder the security forces press, the greater their excitement for the situation. Everything is logical.

In the second layer, the tendency to power stems from the desire to strengthen one's status, to show who is in charge here, to strengthen one's leadership position, to impose one's own line of thought in order to demonstrate one's own advantage, to make "students", admirers and listeners to confirm one's own importance.

Status security officials "teach life" when they want to compensate for the lack of results in other areas. The smaller the director, the more pathos he has.

At psychological trainings on conflict resolution, it is recommended to “cajole” this type, develop a special skill to speak in a soft voice of a “magician”, and be able to smooth out problem situations. In these tips, you will probably see people you know who, surprisingly, calmly know how to communicate with the most absurd people. They know how to treat noisy bosses like children who need attention and recognition.

Access keys: guarantees, quality, uniqueness, professionalism

How to improve relations with security officials?

How to get close to them in order to make a business proposal, defend your opinion or get help in solving a problem?

The generic keys to be used in communication (speech, presentation, sales, negotiations) are as follows:

Guarantees - a synonym for reliability, strengthening security. When making an offer to an official, director, representative of security forces, you need to demonstrate the absolute (maximum possible) reliability of your proposal (calculation, scheme, action plan). Security officials do not like to take risks and lose, they only like win.

If your plan is not reliable enough (thought out, takes into account human weaknesses, relies on dreams or luck), you will not see the consent of the security officials. Go to the Coach and work it out properly;-)

• Quality … The richer the enforcer, the more he gets used to getting the best that the market has to offer. But no waste. “Best for Moderate Money” is their unspoken motto. Therefore, in a conversation with them, you can use the following formulations: “This is the best that exists if you are interested in quality / result / reliability / no problems”, “This is the best product / unit / car”. "There is a cheaper product, but he is far from this product."
• Uniqueness / originality … When talking about quality is not enough, you can mention the uniqueness of the product, originality and uniqueness. Each person wants to feel like a bright individual, but not everyone has the money for this;-) Offer a status person something of high quality and unique, spice it up with the phrase: “Only you will have such a thing. All your acquaintances will simply be jealous. " This will again strengthen the personal status of the security officer, he will be the coolest!
• Professionalism … Security officials do not want to miscalculate, otherwise the mistake will hurt their pride, so they want guarantees in working with people, and professionalism and experience are a guarantee of effectiveness. Therefore, selling them designer furniture, you can say this: “This beautiful set is made from the best New Zealand pine, which is practically not supplied to the market (uniqueness). It was assembled and made by craftsmen with thirty years of experience in woodworking, real professionals, their assembly is guaranteed for 50 years."
• VIP registration … So you can jokingly call links to your best achievements - whether it be a mention in a cool magazine, reviews of a famous person, the purchase of your products by a well-known company or person. Therefore, regarding the furniture, you can add the following phrase: "This is exactly the set ordered by the wife of the Prime Minister / pop star / football star."

There are also standard financial benefits for everyone, bonuses, discounts, special services. The siloviki love them as much as everyone else. But in communicating with them, it should have a very personal context - "Only for you, we don't do such services to anyone else." Naturally, this will emphasize their status, which means that we will become special people in their eyes, and next time they will want to deal only with us, because we respect them.

Methods for communicating with security officials and high-status people

You can conditionally divide the siloviki and simply status people.

Security officials, by virtue of their temperament, strive for power, domination and demonstration of their status. They are assertive and ambitious.

Simply status people are those who, by virtue of their position or social employment, have privileges or power, although initially their temperament is softer. But the rules for communicating with them are the same, they are less likely to pressure, but they also want respect, privileges and guarantees.

In communicating with both those and others, it is important:

Specificity and conciseness of speech

Why? Because all security officials value their time (those who value themselves do not waste time listening to others), and if our appeal is long and confusing and illogical, they will simply want to end the conversation. A professional speaks sparingly, clearly and confidently, so they trust him - he knows what he is talking about.

If the speech is slurred, confused, it means that the person is insecure.

If a person speaks for a very long time, describes the problem in detail, it means that he suffers and expects complicity, and this obliges and, accordingly, repels the interlocutor who does not want to take on someone else's problem.

The advice is this: you need to tell the security officials about the problem "without problems", as if it were a social competition, intrigue or a gambling project (security officials like to compete and win, but they do not like to take on other people's tasks).

At sales trainings and at advanced communication trainings such as Coaching, the trainer is taught to turn a problem into a task, sell not a service, but a solution to a problem, talk not about what you want to tell us, but about what the client wants to hear. And here the main focus is how to set yourself up for a dialogue with a person who listens a little, asks harshly and waits for simple clear answers without the phrases “I think”, “probably”, “must be”, “it seems to me”.

To make your speech smooth, clear and reasoned will help repeated repetition to yourself, or a conversation with an intelligent person, or training in front of a mirror until the moment of confident calmness in each phrase.

Respect.

As already mentioned, the siloviki must be respected and this respect must be demonstrated. This applies to a wealthy blonde who has arrived at a new boutique, or a major in the special services, or an official, or a school director. All of them create around themselves a formal space of social rituals (suppressing unnecessary familiarity), they all do not show their personal feelings (they can only be traced by micromimics), they all want self-affirmation, recognition and control of the situation so that their status does not suffer.

How is respect shown?

In readiness to listen to a person, no matter what nonsense he would say at first;

In the absence of phrases "You are wrong", "I will teach you", "Do not be silly."

In soft facial expressions, head shaking ("Sing, birdie, sing"), calm voice.

In readiness to meet halfway where it is not necessary.

At psychological trainings in this place, participants, as a rule, ask the question: “Is it necessary to play along like this? What if this will completely spoil the person? ", And we answer with the words of Gleb Zheglov:" And for this there is a second rule … ". You need to be able to present yourself correctly. A self-confident person is ready to "play along" in order to establish contact. But later he will softly explain, hint to the client that he is not quite right (especially if he is not right at all or is fundamentally mistaken)."

Security officials love to command and urge people, but first of all they respect people who do not bend, know how to politely stand up for themselves, protect their opinion without hysterics and scandals, while maintaining a positive framework in communication.

They can softly but confidently respond to pressure.

Like a flexible blade - it bends, but does not break, and when necessary, it cuts sharply.

Therefore, the first task in communicating with the security officials is to show respect to them, and the second is to gently show that we are specialists in our field and are also worthy of respect. They say, we are not as smart as you (to say the least to us), but in our field we are the best.

Compliments

This topic is as old as the world, so we will not describe it in such detail.

Let's just say that in the post-Soviet space, no one knows how to make compliments (judging about the people in the mass), for some reason everyone is afraid of them, confused with outright flattery (which also has an effect in dealing with outright tyrants).

And the real compliment is light, beautiful, said "as if by chance", and therefore does not oblige the interlocutor to anything. Therefore, its effect is long lasting, causing a sincere attachment reaction.

For this, there are special techniques such as a "sandwich of lies", and so on, which is worth additional training, overcoming your complexes, embarrassment and unwillingness to adapt. At psychological trainings, there is often a funny breakdown when people do not want to “say good things,” preferring the formal language of criticism or statements.

Let's just say that a good compliment emphasizes what the person himself values, what is important to him, characterizes his personality or scope of effort.

But how to notice it is a topic for a separate story. This is Coaching.

What "siloviki" don't like - whining, criticism, ignoring

The weak point of many (but not all) security officials is deepening into the emotional sphere, which implies empathy, empathy, observation of the inner world of one's own and others, analysis of experiences and their causes, moral support and admission of one's own mistakes.

Therefore, it is uncomfortable for security officials to listen to other people's whining, accusations, and family demands. In the classics, the siloviki love the language of strength, specifics and responsibility, so that there is no need to delve into other people's details. And the language of emotions tires them, you need to break yourself, get into a strange world, look at yourself with someone else's eyes … they do not go for this.

Only sometimes and for the sake of the closest people.

As payment for friendship or family relationships.

But their own emotions are important for security officials! They want to be heard, they want their expectations to be guessed, their experiences understood, their wounds treated kindly. That is, most of all they want to get what they themselves are not able to give. Therefore, the louder the boss, the quieter and more agreeable his wife (as a rule).

The siloviki react very painfully to their ignorance and criticism, which they cannot stand at all, because their status is crumbling. And despite the outward neglect, they very subtly experience other people's injections (toss and turn all night;-))

Communication geniuses know how to clothe criticism and clarifying remarks in "almost praise." For example, a client says nonsense about a product. An experienced salesperson wisely listens to the whole tirade (respect), and at the end he says: “It's great that you know the subtleties that are not known to all sellers (compliment). Only in this model everything is arranged somewhat differently, even better …”.

The client was listened to, praised, and now he is ready to listen to us.

This is a top class service!

"Butter" phrases

For conflict and semi-conflict situations, when the client is annoyed for some reason or begins to get angry, you can use “cajole” phrases. Experienced salespeople use them intuitively, these are different types of consent and, again, subtle compliments that increase the aggressor's self-esteem, translating the quarrel into a peaceful channel: “You are absolutely right”, “Only a discerning person would notice such an inaccuracy, thank you for your help”, “It's good that we have clients like you "," We will set you as an example for our youth ";-)

At psychological trainings, a good coach will work with the group until each participant can say something good to the loud idiot entirely sincerely, only then the compliment will work and remove the tension of the situation. This is how systemic psychology works in human communication - the subconscious mind is great at recognizing lies in different forms, even well-played ones. But sincere recognition of someone else's righteousness and value cannot be confused with anything. One or two phrases change the client before our eyes.

The client for free (!) Teaches us to work better, to conduct business more attentively, and we are grateful to him! We will not lose anything, you can always learn from anywhere and from any person.

Speak the same language

Here we will give a short block from the Coaching cycle, which is all sharpened for over-understanding and building communication in the right way.

The first principle is to hear what the person says. in fact.

If a cool blonde in a boutique says, "Somehow these shoes look simple," a good seller offers her the same shoes, only with roses. And the salesperson who has passed the Coaching hears that the client is unhappy with a non-status item. And he will offer the same shoes, only with a fashionable label and twice as expensive. And the client will shine!

The second principle is the definition leading values.

For a blonde, fashion is important, for a businessman, solidity, for his grandmother - practicality and versatility. Usually sellers (negotiators, sales managers) are honed to sell outstanding product quality and competitiveness by looking at the market. But there is another layer in the motivation of a single product - its personal values. Hearing them and converting known qualities in the right direction is Coaching.

The grandmother of a wealthy businessman: “I want simpler shoes so that the sole does not fall off.” The seller, glancing at the businessman: "This pair is not cheaper, but here is Swiss quality, the sole and all the seams are guaranteed for 10 years."

And status (solidity) and reliability are satisfied with one phrase. The grandmother is satisfied with the quality, and her grandson, who pays the money, wants to buy something worthy so that he would not be ashamed of a cheap purchase.

The whole trick is to notice in the speech the necessary words-criteria, to determine the values of the client behind them and to present the goods to him in the necessary light (filter / frame / plane).

How to prove your honesty and dishonesty

Sometimes a client who speaks or believes in complete nonsense needs to be stopped or reasoned. To do this, he can be trite to scare him, especially if he does not accept simple arguments. In Coaching, by analogy with rational-emotive therapy, there is such a technique of "dipping into the Failure model", when, having determined the leading values of the client, he is offered a ready-made version of a negative future. This sharply arouses the interlocutor's willingness to listen to us, since we have reasonably destroyed "positive illusions."

Director: "It needs to be done this way and nothing else."

Subordinate: "Well … only our colleagues did this and burned out by 20 thousand."

It is necessary to cut off "positive illusions", clearly operating with facts, without lying, but the facts must be presented in the same vein as the goal is formulated. If we talk about reliability, then we are discussing unreliability, if - speed, we explain the reasons for the slowness, and so on.

The trick is that there is always hope in a person, he is ready to cling to little things, just to keep the picture of the world he needs and impose it on those around him, if the position allows. If you, as a specialist, see the failure of the imposed algorithm of actions and cannot convince your superiors, you need to use “cutting off a successful future” through a special selection of the necessary counterarguments that will put pressure on the opponent's leading value.

Your conclusions from what you read:

What did you like about the article? Are you ready to answer the security questions?

They will help to put the picture of the security forces together, to give reliable support in communication.

1. Why do the siloviki keep a formal frame around them?
2. What are their guiding values?
3. What are they most afraid of when interacting with other people?
4. What can unsettle them for a long time?
5. How to show respect for tyrants correctly?
6. What cannot be done in dealing with adequate security officials?
7. How do security officials communicate with each other, with whom are they friends?
8. Whom do security officials respect and why?
9. What were the siloviki like in childhood, what is indicative of their youth?

For complete answers, analyze your friends, acquaintances, relatives who fall under this type. How did they grow to their success, what were they like at school, how did they differ in communication, how did they react to injustice?

The most important thing in dealing with security officials is respect.

A confident person can afford it!

We wish you success in communication.