2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Fragment from the book "What do we confuse love with, or is it Love".
Trust is formed as we learn that the person will not harm us on purpose, and if it happens by accident, then the person will be ready to correct the situation.
Trust can manifest itself as a willingness to rely on a person in some matters - for example, to ask for something, to decide to do something together.
Trust can also manifest itself as a willingness to open up in personal experiences, a willingness to share something intimate, to talk about problems and successes.
What destroys trust
- Purposeful infliction of harm, violation of borders.
- Unwillingness to take responsibility for actions, violation of agreements. Also shifting responsibility for your feelings onto someone else.
- Accusations.
- Condemnation.
- Spitefulness, vindictiveness.
- Using your partner's words against him: “Tell me, who have you had the best sex with? Well, tell me, I will not be offended.”, And then, when the partner said that it was 10 years ago with someone else, at the most unexpected moment a resentment arrives“Well, you had the best sex not with me, so go to her / to him. " Or spreading private information about a partner to other people. Discussion of the partner behind his back.
- Accumulated and not expressed negative feelings. Latent conflicts - when there is discontent, but it is not expressed explicitly, but pours out in the form of jokes, accusations.
- Deception.
- Manipulation.
- Attempts to hide true feelings, desires. Not saying something important.
- Unwillingness to devote time, attention and other resources to a partner. Inattentive listening and interruption in conversation, indifference in conversation and in general in life. Unwillingness to remember and take into account that the partner is pleasant or unpleasant.
What builds trust
- Respect, respect for borders.
- Responsibility and compliance with agreements. Willingness to admit a mistake and correct it, not to admit it in the future. The ability to forgive what has been redeemed. Responsibility for your feelings and their manifestation.
- Constructive conflict resolution. No accusations, no shifting of responsibility. Striving for cooperation.
- Ability and willingness to speak directly about your feelings and desires. And about reluctance. Ability and willingness to clarify the situation, talk about what is happening in the relationship.
- Respect for the information shared by the partner. Non-disclosure to others. An attitude with acceptance, without judgment, blame, arrogance. The absence of attempts to use information against a partner in order to offend in a quarrel or annoy, take revenge.
- Willingness to devote time and attention, to help when needed.
- The desire and willingness to understand, listen carefully, remember important things (or write down if memory fails).
- Taking into account what the partner likes or dislikes.
- Ability and willingness to be sincere, open up, share intimate.
- Ability and willingness to give something to a partner sincerely, without hidden expectations.
The books "What do we confuse love with, or is it Love" and "Codependency in its own juice" are available on Liters and MyBook.
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