2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Gods, fallen gods, people
In childhood, parents are like gods to us. Without exaggeration. Why, you ask? As gods, because they love, they get angry, they punish us, they pity us, they feed us, they forget to feed us. And in our childhood they remain ideal and irreplaceable. The key thing in relation to what I want to say is that they do something to us (please and offend, cherish and neglect, love and reject). And they are as perfect as the gods. As you grow, you realize that there are some drawbacks to seeing them as gods. That they are imperfect. Looking at the parents of our peers, one may come to understand that our parents may even be inferior in some way. By a certain age, with a normal variant of the development of relations, by the adolescent period, this worldview is broken. The gods are overthrown. Hence the anger, claims, "what do you understand in life." It is also called "separation". NB During this period, a lot depends on the ability of parents to understand and accept what is happening; this requires their own separation from their parents, their overthrow and restoration in human form. And this is a separate, big topic, and I will not consider it here. Returning to the teenager and his perception. A holy place is never empty. And we are looking for those who can replace our gods in something. Who will be kind, caring to us, will take responsibility for us. A very vulnerable position, isn't it? It is good when during this period there are worthy friends, teachers, coaches nearby. We can learn from them the diversity of this world, which means we can accept both its imperfection and our own. As we grow up psychologically, we stop overthrowing these gods. In a good version, they become for us the same people as we are: in some way strong, in some way helpless, in some way wise, in some way impassable fools. It turns out that the criterion of incomplete separation can be considered when we transfer responsibility for our feelings, our thoughts, states. For example, "he / she makes me upset", "he / she makes me angry", "he / she makes me happy". Completed criterion: “I get upset when he / she does this”, “I am angry when he / she does this”, “I am happy when he / she does this”. If the Other makes me happy / angry / upset, then the power over me is in his hands, and I transferred it from a parent to a life partner. And here is a rich soil for codependency, scenario relationships. In such cases, the gods were overthrown, fell, but they remained gods. And until we bring them “into human form”, we will seek contact with these gods through relationships with other people similar to our parents. Someone calls it karma, someone a scenario, but regardless of the name, we continue the processes of deification and overthrow with different people. There is also a nuance, but in it, as they say, lies …: in childhood, we directly take the images of our parents into ourselves. This mental object is called "introjection". Therefore, when we overthrow the gods, we thereby overthrow a part of ourselves. And as long as these gods remain gods, overthrown or idealized, we do not completely humanize ourselves. PS There are various nuances in these processes. For example, mom or dad overthrows another parent when we are little, and we unwittingly follow this process, and the overthrow of a part of ourselves occurs at an age where this does not yet belong. Or the overthrow of the gods occurs not in adolescence, but in childhood. Or we grow up in an incomplete family, where there is one parent, and the figure of the second remains even not a known God, but a myth. This is why a therapeutic relationship can be long and difficult, and why so often it is necessary to turn to childhood experiences. However, it's worth it. The end of separation, psychological maturation and the restoration of the images of parents in human form has a very beneficial effect on relationships with others, oneself, and truly gives life.
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