2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Domestic.
You live, you want, you wait. Day, night, day. This imperturbable steadfastness around you cuts into your dreams, makes them lost, rotten. This hum of everyday life is pouring into your ears from the parking lot, your head is on your right side, your eyes are open, you are awake. This sepia light, the cry of a child behind the wall, the noise of a lazy elevator, your brain creaks already, like the chair. One thing in summer, another in winter. The kettle boiled. You wanted to fly, but now you don't want to get out of bed. This smooth noise, where does it come from? In vain you look out the window, bushes, cars, houses. Gray noise. Happiness fills you like waves fill a deserted beach, there is no one there anymore, many see that it was in you. Moments give way to moments forgotten in the great whimper of surprise, followed by anxiety and sadness. Wait a little longer, hold this top note, but you resigned yourself, put your hands on your chest, then resignedly lower them along your body, they pull you to the ground, rest, they need rest, from you. Then a gray noise comes. You can see him, he covers you with sticky sweat, lays down with fatigue on your eyes, fills your mind with fog. Crackling of a turn of the neck, you hear the work of the heart, it is muffled by the engine outside the window, the squeal of a dog. Everything is familiar, you are used to, they are accustomed to you. You let words through yourself, you reluctantly open your mouth, you speak quickly, when angry - slowly, you do not notice how the light falls on the wall. Sometimes you sleep, eat, laugh, have sex. You wanted to be a gentle creature, working miracles, but a real miracle happened, you saw the dullness. It takes place in moments of frenzy, an acute desire to escape from captivity, a fashionable flight of a Valkyrie, a grotesque career, a strong sexual challenge, a call to where you will never be. The noise of the washing machine brings you back. Suspension in water replaces youthful arrogance, you learn to filter, boil, cook, mix. At some point, you start to feel tired, you still do not know that she has come forever, you are naive and angry. Then you will hear a gray noise and your life will change forever. You will match the melodies to the gray noise, the roar of the engine, your sigh, the exhale in the gym, the yelling in the bar, everything to drown it out. But he comes from night and morning in silence, meets and escorts you from bed to bed. It's getting harder and harder for you to get up. Traditions, habits, disturbing rituals, bright lace on the linen shelf, ceremonies, fireworks, envious glances, bathroom scales, a sense of one's own superiority. For the flight, you need the image of a friend, stars, smiles, poses, shine. Your secret corner in your purse, a pile of lint in your coat pocket, a mole near your navel. Impulsiveness plays in you an old song about the main thing, you feel how the sun burns out wrinkles on your face, with each micron you are more and more sugary, more and more soft, more and more evil. Love was in your life, was. It was the moment when the gray noise disappeared, but ironically, you only remember the moment of its appearance. Gray noise. Rain knocks on the tin slope, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. Raise your head up, air conditioner, window, window, sky. Blue melancholy covered the fundus of the eye, you smile as then, you don't even notice it, think about the future, worry, build, despair. You turn on the light in the kitchen, you come up to the table, a chair, a tablecloth, a cup. And you.
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