Sex And Self-worth

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Today I want to talk about such a difficult state when love and intimacy are substituted for sexual intimacy, not on purpose, of course. We will not consider here situations of pathological sexual attraction, such as nymphomania or other sexual perversions. As well as situations where a woman is consciously looking for casual connections, acting out some kind of difficult traumatic experience, this is a completely different story.

I don't remember where it was, but I caught my eye either a publication, or somewhere from a discussion, about recommendations for men who want to get to know a girl for an easy relationship. One of the recommendations is to go to a nightclub, where you can always meet a wonderful companion, who will readily go to his home with him at the end of the evening, for free, well, or for a couple of cocktails, which, nevertheless, are worth treating. Such companions - quite ordinary girls, students or young specialists in ordinary life, thirsty for adventure this evening, were called in that source "honest davalka" (I apologize for the prose of life). After a stormy night, he takes her home, or pays for a taxi. Takes her phone number. And … he never calls again. However, sometimes it calls, but not for long, or a couple more times, so that later it will probably disappear.

And what is she? She is waiting for his call. And here we are not talking about a certain position of the victim who suffered at the hands of a natural scientist. And that for the girl this acquaintance meant something more than for him. By agreeing to go to him, she hoped for a relationship. She liked him, perhaps even very much, there was a sexual desire, but the "brakes" for some reason do not work. The transition from flirting to kissing, and then, to passionate hugs is so impetuous that this fine line is simply not there. She feels desirable, needed, valuable here and now. And, perhaps, this turned out to be the only way to feel alive. And the bitterness of disappointment that "he never called again" will dissolve in a glass of something strong on a friend's shoulder, or in sad philosophical photos on social networks. Until a new meeting, where self-worth will be determined by male attention to her appearance and the ability to be easy-going.

But why is this happening? There are many reasons for this, we will consider, in my opinion, the main two of them.

1. Children's perception of the world. Disappointment occurs when there was a charm, unjustified expectations, a discrepancy between the desired and reality. Being naive and trusting, a girl, being in the power of sympathy for a man, perhaps feeling in love, instantly endows him with invented qualities, ideal from her point of view. The ideal man needs to give the most valuable thing, to dissolve in him - to give not only his heart, as something abstract, but his body, which he gladly takes. She gives her body, meaning her heart, which he doesn't need now. But while they are together, it seems to her that this is forever, because she gave him the most valuable thing, gave him, "now, as an honest man, he is obliged to marry." And the disappointment that arises after this is so strong that it affects the deepest need of each person - in self-worth. The wormhole in this need is manifested in the fact that without such support from the outside, without confirmation of the relationship by physical intimacy, a woman seems unnecessary to herself. Therefore, you always need someone nearby, even for a short time, "suddenly, this is him!", To be needed and desired by someone, each time quickly agreeing to intimacy to show what she is ready for him.

2. The influence of pornography on sex perceptions. It seems to me that not many of those who are now over 30 can boast that they have learned enough about pornography for the first time at a conscious age. Few did not find, or showed those who did not have a home, secret videotapes that their parents thought they had hidden well. And with the advent of the Internet, the opportunity to watch porn appeared for everyone who wants it. If the child of the elementary school may not be very imbued yet, then the teenager already understands everything perfectly, he can look secretly from his parents, or in the company of friends at a party. This means that in the most sensitive period of the formation of an attitude towards intimacy between a man and a woman, affecting the whole future life to one degree or another, a very definite image arises that sex is not the apogee of a relationship, when feelings of joy and happiness are overwhelmed from joint cooperation. -being, but these mechanical movements with frequent changes in postures and partners. Coupled with feature films, in which free love prevails, and the free life of "stars" and idols, showing by their example, changing partners, creates the basis for such a willingness to "be stylish, modern and independent." When a teenager grows up in a society where "sex is not a reason to meet", it is quite difficult to keep yourself for a decent relationship.

Thus, the search for satisfaction of the neurotic need to be needed and valuable to someone, to feel alive and loved, the child's perception of the world, naivety and gullibility, coupled with the propaganda of a very specific way of life from radio stations, fashion magazines and television programs, leads to the fact that that finding a girlfriend for an easy and even disposable relationship will not meet any obstacles.