2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Every person has a huge range of feelings: from joy to sadness. These sensations allow us to live fully, express our mood, respond to manifestations of the world around us and send others “emotional signals”: you want to comfort and hug a crying child, and you want to join a laughing person in order to “get infected” with positive. At the same time, we do not think that at the same time we experience not one, but several feelings at once. But it happens that the brain begins to block them - this is his model of survival. How it happens: in the event of a traumatic experience, in order to survive, the brain can block not only the memories of this event, but also the feelings that we perceived at that moment, and the person is “covered” with iron armor. And this model works on both sides of feelings: positive and negative. On the one hand, it is a very convenient situation: there is no anxiety, no stress, no anger. And on the other - the question: if a person is not capable of negative emotions, does not give them a way out to such an extent that then he stops experiencing them altogether, then how can he enjoy life, trust, admire, be surprised at something new and interesting? That is the problem. Agree, without all these manifestations, life cannot be called full.
We are all filled and charged with joy, the amount of this feeling is an indicator of your energy, how much you can give to the world, being filled, since one is impossible without the other. An example is the relationship between a man and a woman: people who are empty from the inside, like two beggars with outstretched hands, want to be filled, but they have nothing to give in return. And the principle of "family" piggy bank ("relationship piggy bank") works correctly only when both put something in it. When someone puts one in it, and the other only takes it, such a piggy bank will always be empty.
So what should you do if you are faced with a similar situation? Let's figure it out.
- First of all, in my courses, I give you a look at the universal table of feelings, the list of which is quite extensive. When studying it, the client closes his eyes and imagines what he feels, how this feeling manifests itself: what thoughts it evokes, with what color it is associated, in what part of the body it is. When a person has learned to feel this or that feeling with the help of this technique, he is already able to study himself, to understand that we simultaneously experience several feelings at once.
- The next step is to acknowledge this feeling, do not run away from it, do not try to assess it as "bad", "good", "impermissible." Don't blame yourself or get angry. Take him as a dear guest.
- Take responsibility for this feeling. What is the best way to live it? What will help? Remember that your partner is not obliged to live with you, but if you have help from him, from the outside, thank him.
- Learning to express feelings with respect. For example, you feel uncomfortable or upset when you hear insults addressed to you. Feel what the situation is causing inside you, without pretensions or accusations.
Such "debriefing" will help you not only deal with the inner world, but also develop sensitivity. You will be able to understand the origins and causes of certain emotions, not blocking, but accepting them; look into dark subconscious corners that you don't want to look into, that make you suffer, but which contribute to your blocks.
And remember that we cannot be responsible for the actions of others, but we are responsible for our reactions, i.e. for the feelings that we experience at the same time. Therefore, both joy and surprise, as well as suffering and reflection are exclusively the choice of the person himself.
When we take on the role of judges and prosecutors, we take on an extra responsibility, namely by bringing stories into our lives that help us understand those we condemn. Therefore, removing these roles from yourself, you stop accumulating "debts", that is, unnecessary responsibility.
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