2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“Self-love always creeps out,
like a snake to bite"
(J. G. Byron)
All sorts of texts, with reflections on narcissism, are permeated with the idea of a deep rejection of themselves by narcissists and their endless desire to incarnate in the desired image. This image seems to them to be a stronghold of calmness and security; a place where you can finally relax and live. And this race for the desired, they say, is the most important ambush of any narcissist - the reason for all his neurotic breakdowns, manic-depressive swings and the inability to stop and be in contact with himself and others. And this is really an ambush. Terrible.
But there is one, even worse, in my opinion. It is in her that the narcissist begins to collapse and die. Because that first ambush is about life, about striving and movement, about resistance and search. About survival. But the second …
The narcissist in myth dies when he discovers his reflection and realizes that here he is - the perfect embodiment of his own dream. It is here that he freezes, cannot move and dies of hunger or drowns, merging with his reflection in the water …
Realization is more terrible for a narcissist; only realization can be. His awareness of himself realized. Here, as if you can only freeze in fear to move and lose what you want. But it is impossible to freeze alive - you have to collapse.
Remember all the realized ones - star depressive drug addicts, alcoholics and suicides …
Causes?
The first thing that comes to mind is that it is not clear how to be in the implementation. At all. The narcissist is used to it differently all his life. Run, fight, and here - everything is already there. You can just take it and enjoy it. He has the right to be who he is. The right to be. (Is it possible ?? Honestly ??)
The second - a really wild horror is to lose everything, that suddenly everything around or he himself, who deserves recognition, acceptance, will turn out to be fake. Pshikom. Because it will be tantamount to the very first injury that triggered all these frantic mechanisms of eternal running - when they took away the right to be what it is. The right to be.
Horror paralyzing, horror killing with hunger, horror that can drown in a shallow pond.
How to be?
Do not know. At all. I can only stay close, empathizing with this horror, pain and longing that everything is like this, that the ideal place is completely imperfect, that it is scary and even lonely here, that it looks like this hole inside is forever and this fear is forever and with him somehow you have to learn to live like this …
The narcissist freezes so as not to feel horror. And if you feel horror?
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