Why Low Self-esteem Tends To Get Even Lower

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Video: Why Low Self-esteem Tends To Get Even Lower

Video: Why Low Self-esteem Tends To Get Even Lower
Video: Why People with Depression People Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? 2024, March
Why Low Self-esteem Tends To Get Even Lower
Why Low Self-esteem Tends To Get Even Lower
Anonim

Self-esteem is the sum total of our perceptions of how well we are at coping with life compared to other people.

The normal state of self-esteem is when you do not notice it and do not think about it. You feel that you are generally okay. Something turns out better, something worse, but there is nothing to worry about. Everyday successes and failures do not affect this sense of self too much.

For example, you are a good doctor and are excellent at barbecuing, but you are unlikely to win a song contest or a bag run.

Contrary to popular belief, self-esteem is necessary and helpful. It helps to set achievable goals and successfully achieve them, without wasting energy on what is unattainable. When things don't work out, hurt self-esteem spurs and helps to persevere. And when we get something that didn’t work before, we are pleased and want to do something else. Sometimes life circumstances, illness or upbringing lead to the fact that self-esteem does not help, but prevents us from achieving goals and hurts. And then we need psychological help.

What determines low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can be a permanent personality trait, or it can be a temporary reaction to difficult life circumstances. What does it depend on?

Features of thinking

Psychologists have found that people with low self-esteem are so inclined to perceive themselves and their lives that this confirms their low self-esteem.

  1. See even positive events in a dark light.

    - Yes, most of our department was laid off, but they left me. But this is only because I am a rag and agree to everything.

    - Yes, I did a good job at the presentation. But I'm sure it’s just an accident and next time I’m sure to fail.

  2. Pay attention to failures and ignore successes.

    - I could not conclude this contract, which means I am a lousy sales director. It doesn't matter that 7 other contracts have been concluded.

  3. To believe that everything should work out and always.

    “I’m clumsy because I didn’t manage to draw up an accounting report. Yes, I'm an illustrator, but it doesn't matter, I have to do everything equally well.

  4. In case of failure or negative assessment by others, quickly draw conclusions about their abilities and about their personality in general.

    The girl smiles at the young man, but he does not respond to the first smile and does not fit to get acquainted - her mood spoils, she no longer wants to smile at anyone and feels extremely unattractive.

  5. Expect success to be achieved immediately.

    - I posted my profile on a dating site. Two days have passed, and so far no one likeable has responded. I think it's because I'm ugly, and all normal men are already busy.

Features of behavior

In addition, people with low self-esteem often behave in a way that leads to confirmation of their negative thoughts about themselves and an even greater decrease in self-esteem.

  1. Refuse opportunities and desires.

    So, a shy person refuses invitations to a party, and then scolds himself for being a weakling. In the end, his friends stop inviting him and this confirms his conviction that he is not interesting to anyone. And communication skills are not trained, which means communication becomes even more difficult. The result is that self-esteem becomes even lower and the mood is even worse.

  2. Set impossible goals.

    - I have to lose 4 kilograms a week and fit into the dress that I wore at the prom for my birthday.

  3. Quickly give up on goal if they fail.

Features of communication

We are social creatures and the opinion of others about us is important to us. However, people with low self-esteem often choose a social circle that fuels their low self-esteem.

A woman with low self-esteem agrees to the first proposed relationship and tolerates it, even if she suffers. Constant criticism and disdain confirms her own low self-image.

Low self-esteem is not always total. For example, you might value yourself as a professional but rate your ability to make friends or your sex appeal low. Surprisingly, at the same time, a person can be quite calm about failures in work, but it is painful to perceive any mistake in a love relationship. Or vice versa.

- Yes, I was laid off. It is very unpleasant, but I have already sent out my resume and am waiting for a response. But they didn’t invite me to Timothy’s evening party! I think they are finally tired of it, because I always sit in the corner and keep quiet. I'm so boring.

As psychologists have established, low self-esteem is one of the factors that provoke depression. But the opposite also happens: Low self-esteem can be one of the symptoms of depression. A person feels bad and insignificant and this is a consequence of the disease.

Life circumstances

There are times when our self-image is seriously tested. As a rule, this is associated with major changes in life.

For example, moving to another country or to another city. Just imagine: you need to master a new activity, gain authority at work, find a social circle, get used to a new place of residence, sometimes to a new language …

When there is a lot of new things in life, failures happen more often than usual. It is not surprising that at some point we begin to feel that we cannot cope, are tired, think that we have taken on the task beyond our shoulder and, as a result, that we are not very good.

Self-esteem problems can also arise when something very important, central to our perception of ourselves, leaves our life. The usual criteria for assessing yourself are no longer relevant, and new ones have not yet appeared

For example, a career-oriented woman goes on maternity leave.

How to improve self-esteem?

First of all, you need to figure out what are the reasons for low self-esteem. If there are too many changes in your life and you feel that you are no longer cope, you just need psychological support. Communicate as much as possible with those who believe in you and can support you. This can be friendly help or the help of a psychologist - the main thing is that you have a place where you can relax, lean on someone else, remember that you coped with difficulties before, time will pass and life will improve.

If you understand that low self-esteem is your longtime companion, you cannot do without the help of a psychologist. Overcoming low self-esteem is not an easy job, but it can be done. Don't let her ruin your life, it's not worth it!

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