2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The situation in the family is not easy. I am 34, my wife is 32
We have been married for 8 years, everything is fine in the family in all aspects, common interests, common topics of conversation, we hardly ever swear, everything seems to be in bed for the first time, and all this is passion and desires and fantasies. But lately it has started to blow my mind that my wife flirts with other men. Okay, a feminine wink or a smile, a compliment in her direction, I accept and understand that, but she needs to be written to her with vulgarity in chats. After a serious conversation at home, problems began: that I do not give her freedom, that I drove her into a framework, that I need to get emotions so that everything is good and positive in the family, that I am a teran, that she feeds on these emotions again, that she needs to know that she is wanted. I also do not understand how the concept of "personal life" can be present in a family, how it can be personal if you are married and have been for more than one year. She is, in fact, a very sociable and open person for me. Explain to me, please, experts, is this so if the family has all this, but a woman still needs to receive additional emotions on the side, walk on the verge of flirting and real. Already the roof goes from the fact that flirting can be not only flirting."
FlirtingIs a love game, signs of attention that people show to each other. More often than not, the ultimate goal of flirting is sex (according to Wikipedia).
A person may not admit to himself that he has sexual desire for someone with whom he is flirting. He will in every possible way deny his motives, displace, rationalize, they say, "I bought her coffee just out of politeness," "he slapped me on the butt, because he was just kidding, there is nothing special about it", "Well, he gave me a ride home, it's okay." …
Flirting is especially denied or rationalized by people already in a relationship, adhering to strict moral principles, or those who benefit from having flirting on the side.
Flirting is a demo version of cheating. A flirting person seems to be "trying on" other partners, trying to imagine what sex with this person would be like, how would we communicate if we were lovers? Flirting allows people to live a short, seemingly joint life with another person, in which they can dine together, court each other, hug each other as a joke, etc., until one day a situation arises when both are left alone, for example, in a car, and between them there will be a conversation about sex (or sex itself). But in reality, sex happened between them long before this situation, when they thought about each other and imagined how all this would happen in reality.
I would share flirting into "duty", when a person pays attention to objects that he liked more out of curiosity, to check his attractiveness, out of politeness, without planning more intimacy and especially sex, and "intimate", when a person is in love with the object and the intention to have sexual intercourse with him.
When a person is counting on sexual intimacy, he will be persistent, try to touch, be alone, hint at or openly suggest sex.
Flirting can be regarded as a sublimation of treason. For example, a woman has a need to communicate with other men, to receive signs of attention from them, but she does not plan to disagree with her husband, then she compensates for her need for cheating by flirting, which, in her opinion, is harmless and does not threaten the integrity of her family (while she flirts at work or on a business trip, for example).
There are situations when a woman flirts in front of her husband (or a husband flirts in front of his wife): openly enters into intimate correspondence with others, etc.
They can do this for the following reasons:
- they cannot directly tell their partner that the feelings have died out and show him this by actions, hoping that he will forgive and close his eyes to this communication or leave himself.
- want to test their feelings for a partner or manipulate him to get stronger emotions, attention, some kind of concessions.
- to avenge past grievances.
In any case, this is a dishonest, manipulative game, and it is played by someone who does not respect or love his partner, but treats him as a consumer, as a function.
According to my estimates, flirting ceases to be flirting and becomes treason when it begins to cause suffering and discomfort to a loved one, as, for example, in the case of intimate open correspondence and other similar phenomena.
Cheating can be understood not only as a change of a partner at the physical level, but also as a manifestation of disrespect for him, the intention to hurt, humiliate through communication with another.
Open flirting, like treason, is always an act of aggression, internal conflict. And you need to investigate what lies at the heart of this conflict.
Attempts to resolve the conflict destructively with the help of such an ultimatum as open flirting or treason is a road to nowhere. It is much more correct to entrust this problem to a specialist.
A visit to a psychologist will help you look at the problem from a different angle and, either save the family, overcome the crisis, or come to an understanding that the relationship has exhausted itself.
Finally, I suggest you watch a funny video clip of how people react to flirting with a stranger. Sex did not happen there, but it must have sunk into my soul))
Recommended:
Cheating Husband. 15 Hard Facts About Cheating, And The Consequences That You Do Not Even Think About, Men
From people far from psychology, I often hear: “Andrey Viktorovich, why do we need family psychology, why are you struggling with betrayal ?! After all, married betrayal, and betrayal of her husband Is a very interesting and attractive phenomenon, a huge layer of human culture
Does Your Wife Cheat? How Do You Know If Your Wife Is Cheating?
Does your wife cheat? Men by their genetics are prone to one-time and casual intimate relationships, for them the concepts of "sex" and "love" practically do not coincide, intersecting only when a man is in a state of love.
Cheating A Man. Seven Basic Patterns Of Male Infidelity. Male Cheating Patterns
The initial, or primary, motives for treason can be seriously different from the motives for the continuation of the given relationship. Therefore, in my analysis of any stories of betrayal, I always divide the motives of betrayal into primary, secondary and final.
What Does It Take To Become A Counseling Psychologist?
I get asked from time to time, "What does it take to become a psychotherapist or consulting psychologist?" To begin with, according to Russian law, only a doctor who has additionally trained as a psychotherapist can be a psychotherapist.
Flirting Or Misunderstandings With Your Husband - "I-message" Technique
Author: Mezhidova Svetlana I want to ask you how long you flirted with your husband? Do you know how to do it again, push him to courtship, gifts and other female joys? Having lived for some time in marriage, we very quickly forget that a man wants to receive the same joyful emotions as during the period of acquaintance.
