Learning To Communicate Effectively

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

With therapy, we improve our lives. This process is not fast and responsible. In the meantime, we are dealing with our internal problems, what to do with others and with the current order of things in communicating with them?

We are surrounded by people whom we cannot change. Often communication with them gives us discomfort and misunderstanding of the situation. Why can't you build a relationship? Why can't you explain something? How can you better understand your behavior? How to avoid conflicts?

We can enjoy the fact that we are all different, and thus communicate, understand and enrich ourselves, develop and be satisfied, or we can be "upset" because others look different or do not understand and sometimes scold us … This is our choice, we make the decision ourselves.

When building interaction, we can determine which psychotype a particular person belongs to. Next, analyze the description of psychotypes, their strengths and weaknesses, the channels through which to effectively address them, what to praise for, how to deal with them during stress. Thus, we get an excellent tool for building effective interaction. You don't have to be a psychologist for this (for psychologists, there are deeper tools from the same Kuller).

So….

There is a very extraordinary person in Transactional Analysis. Taibi Kahler.

Taibi Kahler in 1979 already identified the communication channels and 6 personality types. And he compared them with the types of Paulo Vare (3 doors), who describes the appropriate approach for establishing contact (open door) and the one to be avoided (trap door). It also suggests further direction for change (target door) with each personality adaptation. He divided people into perceiving information through feelings, thoughts or behavior.

That is, a person perceives information through one of the channels (open door), and the other channels are less clear for him.

In 1978 Tybee published the results. Karpman advised Tybee to put his thoughts into a matrix.

And away we go)

Tybee is the creator of the Process Therapy Model (PTM) and the Process Communication Model (PCM), which are effectively used in sales, management, education, parenting, training, relationships, teamwork, assessing and predicting personal and professional qualities.

While working for the American Aerospace Agency (NASA), he developed a method for the selection of astronauts based on his theory. He was an adviser and friend of the former President Clinton and acted as his adviser during the presidential campaign. And he is also very entrepreneurial and therefore the specifics of his theory can only be obtained for money and under a nondisclosure agreement. So, everything described below is taken from open sources and does not harm our dear and respected Tybee)

So, let's begin.

Tybee introduced a coordinate system that divides "your behavior" along two axes.

The first axis is activity

On the scale, two points should be noted as the range of your behavior in different situations. If you take an active position in life, always prefer to take the initiative, then this is the extreme upper position. If "it will resolve itself", let things go by themselves, sit back, constantly postpone making a decision - then this is an extremely low position. Being active in initiating contact means that you have some kind of internal trigger and are ready to enter into a dialogue yourself. If you expect that your interlocutor will "invite" you to communicate, then this is the lower part of the diagram

The second axis reflects your involvement in the relationship

Are you ready to maintain a relationship or are you focused on your goals and relationships are secondary to you? Far left means that you are willing to sacrifice your goals for the sake of maintaining the relationship (engaged), far right means that you are not ready to maintain a relationship and are focused on your personal goals (outgoing). We mark the range along this axis. We get a certain figure of our behavior, or the behavior of a person with whom we want to "fix a relationship."

We must understand that most likely there will not be an unambiguous predominance of any type of behavior. But there will be a state (or two about the same) where you spend most of your time.

The third parameter is the environment

Typology of preferred interaction: "one-on-one", "one-group", "group-group" (go from group to group without belonging to any group).

That is, we need to define environment in which people like to be, in which they feel comfortable, this is a certain Group (family, colleagues, friends), communication with a specific person (colleague, boss, partner, Child), solitude - to stay with oneself, Or a hassle-free transition from the group to a group (a group of friends, colleagues or someone who happens to be in the neighborhood by accident).

The environment that people prefer is a comfort zone for a person.

Now let's get back to the “doors” - channels for receiving and receiving information. The main channel ("Open door") is the most comfortable way of perceiving information, the other two are not accessible to a specific person. Inaccessible, from the point of view of perception, they will not understand you at best, at worst they will be offended. That is, we are talking about the most comfortable mode for initial contact.

Emotions: people, whose primary perception is emotions, evaluate people and things by their feelings about them. They are warm, compassionate and sensitive. Under stress, these people tend to become indecisive in making decisions and are likely to start making mistakes in their usual activities and become overcritical of themselves.

Thoughts: people, whose primary perception is thoughts, analyze people and things using data and information. They are logical, responsible and organized. In stress, these people prefer to take everything under complete control, rather than delegate responsibility (take control of others), and, most likely, will attack others, accusing them of lack of intelligence.

Opinions: a person whose primary perception is opinions, prefer to evaluate people and things, forming and sharing opinions. They are observant, conscientious and loyal. When stressed, these people tend to notice negative moments instead of seeing what is done right, and are more likely to actively promote their beliefs or even go on a "crusade."

Actions: people, whose primary perception is action, look at the world, experiencing it. They are convincing, adaptable and quick, and always adorable. When stressed, they tend to expect others to fend for themselves and in deeper stress, they are more likely to manipulate, break rules, and negatively dramatize.

Reactions: people, whose primary perception is reactions, react to people and things from the positions of "like" or "dislike". They are playful, spontaneous, and creative. When stressed, they tend to inadequately delegate (shift) responsibility and are more likely to blame others and pretend to be innocent.

Inaction: a person whose primary perception is inaction is motivated by the actions of other people. They are calm, creative, and reflective. In stress, they tend to withdraw, engage in routine work that is not related to the problem that has arisen, and are likely to take a position of passive expectation. (Kahler, 2008, pp. 39-42)

We have previously determined the quadrant in which our person is more often located.

Now let's look at Parental Directions and Drivers. Drivers represent an unconscious internal pressure that forces us to act in a certain way, for example, to rush, be a perfectionist, hide emotions, etc. Often these actions are inappropriate or useless to achieve results. As a rule, they satisfy internal needs, and are not a response to real events.

And let's see how the drivers are arranged in the quadrants. We started a long process, but an interesting one)))))

Well, that's the culmination)))

Tybee identified 6 quadrant adaptations.

More than one adaptation may be present at the same time, namely earlier (primary, or survival adaptations) - schizoid and paranoid - often combined with later secondary (executive) adaptations

Further, about adaptation and building communications with them, in the next article)))