Initiation Ritual - A Pass To Adulthood

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

They talk a lot about the child, but they don't talk to him. Francoise Dolto

If your child is arrogant and self-confident, but doubts himself all the time, is ruthless, but good-natured, greedy, but disinterested, trusting and at the same time cunning, stupid and genius at the same time, then you have a completely normal child. And, most likely, he entered a difficult teenage age

In the life of every child, a critical moment comes when he changes dramatically. Changes take place not only in the body and appearance, but also in behavior, reactions to the people around him, to society, actions, feelings and thoughts are radically changing. These few years of tense relationship are very troubling for both the parent and the teenager. Usually this age will coincide with the time when the family entered a period of stability, and this stability has become so familiar to parents that any attempt by a child to destroy a stable world and parental ideas about his beloved child becomes so terrifying that parents unwittingly allow a number of, sometimes fatal, errors.

For the sake of justice, it is important to admit that by this age the grown-up child is also slightly "disappointed" by the parents: their authority is no longer so obvious, their views seem outdated and outdated to him, their tastes are terrifying, and in general, it turns out that the "ancestors" know how to lie. they pretend to play up, which means they can no longer be "ideal parents" - infallible and competent in everything, as it was before.

And how not to lose touch with the child during this period?

Our wise ancestors turned this into a kind of ritual in order to precisely define and separate this stage, to be able to conduct a dialogue with a teenager as with an adult, to give him the opportunity to officially enter adulthood. We are talking about initiation as a ritual that marks the transition of an individual to a new stage of development within the framework of his social group.

In the cultures of almost all peoples of the world, this complex rite is present, which, depending on the level of development of society, looks either very primitive or extremely difficult, but always has one task - the task of transferring a child to the world of adults. In Judaism, this is Bar Mitzvah, in India - Upanayama, among the ancient Slavs - the cult of the wolf, among Catholics - confirmation. In the modern world, initiation rites are more blurred, and therefore many modern adolescents, demanding separation from their parents and transition to the adult world, are looking for their own ways and create new rituals. If we take the cultural initiation rites, for example, in Africa, preserved in some tribes to this day, it is known that they all have a traditional scenario. The task of initiation is always the same - the child, as a result of peculiar manipulations with his body and mind, leaves the world of childhood and becomes an adult.

What is important in this rite?

It is understood that a child and an adult are completely different people, in this the ideas of primitive tribes in the most distant corners of the world converge. And therefore it is believed that one person - a child - dies in order for a new person to be born - an adult. When the elders of the tribe decide that it is time for the young man to undergo initiation, he is taken away from his already familiar dwelling - a hut or a tent. According to the scenario worked out for centuries, women resist this: they shout, cry, try to beat off the young man from the men. And only the young man himself seems to be deprived of the ability to speak and move: he is carried away, laid on crossed spears. His body is painted with red ocher - this is always done during the funeral rite. In the camp, women moan and cry, and the young man remains in the circle of men. He behaves like a dead person: he does not answer questions, endures any ridicule and bullying, no matter how much he is pinched, stabbed or teased. This is followed by the experience of rebirth, a new birth, the birth of oneself in a different capacity in a different body. The initiates are given new names, taught new secret words, language, sometimes they are taught to walk again, or at first they are fed like little ones, i.e. imitate the behavior of newborns.

Symbolically, this is due to the fact that the child's part dies in the child, he passes into the world of adults, where there is no place for children's emotional reactions, where he must be persistent and where the adult consciousness must wake up. This, in fact, is the goal of adolescence - the awakening of adult consciousness, the rejection of simple children's instincts, unbridled desires, the ability to regulate their emotions.

In adolescence, self-regulation, necessary for an adult, appears, and ritual things serve to cultivate self-regulatory processes and be recognized by society. The essence of initiation among the ancient tribes was that upon reaching the age of initiation, all girls and boys of the tribe were taken from their families. The boys were taken to a remote place in the forest, jungle or wilderness and gathered into groups under the guidance of a special mentor. There they lived in a special hut, they were forbidden to communicate with anyone, to do their usual things until the end of the ceremony.

Girls also had their own rite. They were taken from the family and placed in a secluded part of the house, where no one spoke to them. These girls were then gathered into groups under the guidance of an experienced old woman. She taught them female sacred crafts and sciences (weaving, weaving, knitting, childbirth), initiated them into the cult of fertility, taught them the art of carnal love. As a result, the girl (or, rather, already a girl) received a female identity, became an adult, and therefore ready for her main purpose - the birth of children.

In most civilized societies, only a semblance of initiation has survived, which has often lost its deep meaning and structure. Examples are: admission to scouts, pioneers, the Komsomol, some religious rituals, pioneer camps, hikes where children settle in small detachments and in natural conditions prepare their own food, wash clothes, learn to live independently.

Parents note that children from such camps come differently - matured, changed, because they had something new, their own, not connected with the parental world. Symbolically, it really looks like an initiation rite - the mother stays at home, and the adult world draws in, pulls the child along. For children who have little such experience in their lives, it is more difficult to grow up and manage their destiny, they seem to stay in a tent with their mother and do not grow, do not become adults.

Unfortunately, many parents underestimate the importance of such a "detachment" from parental control, which can subsequently result in completely opposite scenarios. According to one, the child will "take his own" anyway - sooner or later he will join the company, where he will be understood, approved, accepted as he is. Unfortunately, this may turn out to be a company of a clearly antisocial or even criminal nature, although it may well be a group of interests, for example, a sports team, a rock group, a club of fans of something …

According to another scenario, "growing up", through the fault of the parents, can be postponed indefinitely, which translates into infantilism, the inability of the adolescent to independently make decisions, for example, where to study, what to do in life, with whom to live. Such a bodily grown, but not psychologically matured "eternal child" can live with his parents for decades, not wanting to arrange his career and personal life, accepting the child's position as the most convenient. It happens that growing up still comes with a noticeable delay, and then we meet with a 30-year-old "teenager" who wants to "freak" and taste life when he already has a family, and society requires him to behave responsibly. The life of the people around him becomes unbearable - as a rule, he is inclined to destroy his usual way of life, his family, unreasonably change his job and lifestyle, and get involved in dangerous sports.

Of course, there are many more ways of initiation in the world, which, rather, frighten the parents - the first cigarette, the first alcohol, the first sex, the first fight. Many adolescents also resort to bodily changes: secretly from their parents, they apply tattoos, piercings various parts of the body - they pierce their nose, ears, navel, and make themselves scars. Modern "initiation rites" can be not only complex and intricate, but also dangerous.

The risk arises when the teenager does not feel danger, especially if the parents are too protective of him. In this case, the feeling that there are no dangers in the world becomes real, and the child does not perceive the danger. Sometimes he must be scared and must go through frustration in order to understand that life is valuable, and he must measure his capabilities with the real state of affairs. Yes, it is important for a child to try something new, unusual and, it is important that this is what parents forbid to do.

Overcoming the prohibition means taking responsibility for this act upon oneself, for the first time trying to be independent, adult, competent. It is important to feel in time when the child is able to answer for himself and delegate such an opportunity to him. If parents have too many prohibitions, it is difficult for a child to find out what he really thinks about this. Sometimes it is quite appropriate to experiment, because if there is a feeling that the child needs stricter prohibitions, it may be worth imposing them, because the child, as it were, asks for them himself. Growing up can often go through negative experience, where there is an internal choice, and the parent needs to understand that the child is already able to separate "good" from "bad", because before he had already explained everything to his baby. Now he is ripe to apply the parenting experience that has become his experience.

The child will always start from the parental norm, as from a certain standard of behavior, and no one has ever forbidden you to instill in the child the principles of correct behavior, however, as well as set a personal example. Therefore, it is important not to be too big friends with a teenager in order to keep his secret - not to smoke or drink with children at the same table, not to swear with them, but in a difficult period you still need to be close, somewhere nearby, so that in a difficult situation, the child was not afraid to turn to his parents for help, he was not rejected by the closest people. You can't leave a teenager alone with yourself, with your thoughts, fears, doubts, you should help him join a conformal group, where he can gain authority, join new concepts.

Such a group can also be a psychological support group for adolescents, where a child can find friends with similar problems and understand that what is happening to him is a normal passage of time. Communication with a psychologist, psychotherapist, psychoanalyst who can explain to the child what is happening to him and how to cope with the difficulties that have arisen can also be useful.

You shouldn't be too strict parents, you shouldn't chase your child, watch him, stoop to insults and harsh criticism, you shouldn't blame him for becoming an alcoholic, prostitute, drug addict, ruining his life. These dire accusations traumatize the teenager and, to some extent, predict the future. Therefore, the parental task is to independently cope with their fears and not hang their anxiety on the teenager, not to predict the bad, but to note that this is just an experience. And if the child has no experience, this is really bad for him.

The second option for parenting is the comprehensive acceptance of any manifestations, which is also not entirely good: if there are no prohibitions, this significantly slows down the psychological growth of a teenager. Adolescence is given to a child for experience, and to parents for patience.