2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We are surprised when our children begin to be rude to us, to behave, as it seems to us, in a way that we did not allow ourselves. Are moving away from us. In the most extreme cases, they start using drugs and get involved in criminal groups. Such adolescents are characterized by suggestibility, infantilism, emotional immaturity. And this is not due to the fact that these characteristics were laid in them from the very birth, it was we who raised them that way. It was not the TV that brought them up and not the computer, but adults who allowed them to watch and play them uncontrollably. We did not hear or notice them when necessary.
Deficit of parental attention
If you want to raise good kids, spend half your money and twice the time on them.
We are surprised when our children begin to be rude to us, to behave, as it seems to us, in a way that we did not allow ourselves. Are moving away from us. In the most extreme cases, they start using drugs and get involved in criminal groups. Such adolescents are characterized by suggestibility, infantilism, emotional immaturity. And this is not due to the fact that these characteristics were laid in them from the very birth, it was we who raised them that way. It was not the TV that brought them up and not the computer, but adults who allowed them to watch and play them uncontrollably. We did not hear or notice them when necessary.
Of course, each of us has many reasons to justify us. By the type: "The time is like this, you have to spin …". But going further and further into our problems and pressing concerns, we alienate children from our hearts. And they reciprocate with us. Realizing that a group of peers needs them more than us.
Having been late at work, taking work "home", leaving on endless business trips, going into our fatigue, licentiousness and "looseness" of our desires, we lose contact with our children. Particularly "tortured" parents begin to complain to their children about their life, about their overwork, and powerlessness before it is difficult to bring up a son or daughter of a "poor". Disrupting their aggression on children for their own life dissatisfaction. Thus, forming in children a sense of guilt and a sense of their own worthlessness. Of course, one wants to get away from this, to go where they accept and understand.
This situation is not uncommon and is becoming more and more commonplace in our life. Children with a lack of attention from their parents every year more and more come to consult with psychologists. The meaning of a request for a psychologist job is usually the same: "Do something with him so that he does not do this anymore." The very wording of the request contains an emotional rejection of the child.
Feeling "unnecessary" to their parents, children begin to behave demonstratively. Demonstration can be understood as a wide range of behavioral responses. From excessive motor activity to aggressive behavior. The general reaction is accompanied by an unstable mood, which is exaggerated in adolescence and becomes more noticeable. Demonstrative behavior, no matter how much it manifests itself, has one motive - to make sure that I am noticed. And the older the child becomes, the more this becomes his characteristic feature. And it's good if this trait in a person helps him to become a good actor or to be realized in other creative activities, but more often this leads to emotional instability and behavioral disorders that leave an imprint on a person's entire life. This feeling remains in the form of emptiness, the feeling that something is missing in life, and this "emptiness" needs to be filled with something. This is often one of the factors in the formation of addictions. Trying to fill the “spiritual emptiness”, a person encounters dissatisfaction, since “spiritual emptiness” is the spiritual principle of human life, it is not possible to fill it with material things. This seems to be possible only through spiritual development.
Our reality really forces an adult to work hard, to lead an active lifestyle, to be able to navigate in a large flow of information. You also need to devote time to rest, cooking and eating, sleeping and other needs. As a result, there is no time left for children at all, or it remains, but not enough. What to do in modern conditions, when only one way to and from work sometimes takes several hours?
The situation is so complicated that it forces specialists to talk about the formation of an “infantile society”. The main motives of whose behavior are attracting attention to oneself at any cost, and the essence of which, in emotional immaturity, in the inability to competently, confidently, responsibly make decisions and in children's (capricious) reactions to what is happening. Simply put, we are increasingly learning to play strict parents, while remaining in a child's position. And this is natural. How can an adult be brought up if these very adults have not paid and do not pay due attention to him? Do they not show them their own positive example, do they not bring up positive values and skills of a sensual attitude towards the world and others? Do they not give them enough love, thereby not teaching them to love? We are busy. We have no time for this. Or our erroneous understanding of love and parenting, turn our children into those who are not up to us.
What should be done? First you just need to think about what you are doing out of your life? What do you want from life?
You need to understand that your attention and time are valuable to your children. That kids don't smile for no reason. An adult creates these reasons for children. And it's good if he is able to bring a smile on the child's face not only by buying a new toy. Our time is the time of the ability to correctly prioritize. And it will be more useful for the child if you put him in the first place. Do not distance yourself from him by going into "important matters", at least when he asks for your attention. Psychologists advise you to plan your employment by setting aside time to communicate with your child. However, when prioritizing your child, you should be able to allocate the necessary time to him at any time, even if you are very busy. Sometimes our kids need less than we think. And this "small", fits into the concept - love.
To raise a healthy person from a child, you need to be a parent to him. This means giving him attention and time, giving him the necessary affection and warmth, loving him and telling him about it.
There are some rules for parents who would like to fulfill their role not only formally, following which will help your son or daughter become happier:
1. Strive both to participate in the upbringing of your child, do not pass the responsibility on one parent;
2. Do not swear or insult each other in front of a child;
3. Eat together, at least once a day, and remember that in happy families there is talk at the table;
4. Show love for your spouse by showing your child that you are happy together;
5. Keep your promises or don't promise if you are not sure that you can keep it;
6. Show and tell your child how beautiful and interesting this world is;
7. Organize family vacations together;
8. Plan joint trips and excursions to nature;
9. Arrange family gatherings and events
10. Take time for the physical, intellectual and spiritual and moral development of your children;
11. Try to communicate with other families with children;
12. If something from this list causes you difficulties, do not hesitate to seek help from specialists.
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