Become A Gray Stone, Or What To Do To Make A Psychopath Leave You Alone

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When breaking contact is impossible

When dealing with any manipulative and toxic people, including narcissists, psychopaths, stalkers, sociopaths, people with borderline and hysterical personality disorders - in short, all kinds of emotional vampires - it is usually advised that not reacting is the best response to unwanted attention.

This is often the case, and Break All Contacts method (avoiding any communication) should always be used if possible … This is perhaps the most effective way to rid your life of hell, in which regular communication with an emotional vampire plunges you.

But, there are a number of situations in which the All Contact Break method is not possible, for example, in the case of separation from a toxic person of custody of a child. Or, if a former partner is stalking you, denying him the right to meet can infuriate him. In such a situation, refusal to answer him can be considered by the psychopath as an insult. Such people may decide that they can force and coerce you to respond to them, and thus satisfy their desire to control you.

Moreover, many of us have tried to end a relationship with such a person several times, but only then to accept him or her back each time. They included pity and charm, and because we didn’t understand that this is the type of behavior that psychopaths and other unpleasant personalities use, we believed their promises to change the situation in the future or change ourselves. They know all of our emotional hooks. It's easy and fun for them to lure us back by appealing to our emotions.

But manipulators don't change. Basically, if you break up with a psychopath, he can go to great lengths to punish you even more for daring to think you can be independent.

Even if you don't take them back, the most dangerous time for a victim is the initial breakup with a psychopath / narcissist … They are enraged at being neglected. Losing control or power over a person is not only a narcissistic trauma for them, they can feel complete devastation when their partner leaves them - even if they intended to kill that partner. The reason is the loss of control. All manipulators need to constantly feel in control.

It is for such situations that the Gray Stone Method exists

Drain the source of the drama

How can we get rid of this parasitic leech without causing a fit of furious revenge? The Gray Stone Method is primarily a way to push the psychopath to lose interest in you. It differs from the All Contact Breaking Method in that you do not openly try to avoid contact with an emotional vampire.

Instead, you allow contact, but only give out boring, repetitive responses and reactions, forcing the parasite to go somewhere else in search of the source of the drama. When contact with you is consistently and predictably unsatisfactory, the psychopath's mind is tuned to expect boredom instead of drama from you. Psychopaths are addicted to drama and cannot stand boredom. Over time, he will find someone else to fulfill his need for drama and will find that he is attracted to you less and less often. And at some point, it will simply creep away to greener pastures.

The Gray Stone Method is a way to teach the psychopath that you are a bad and unsuitable target to pursue, because you tire them out and make them bored and they hate boredom, so you force the manipulator to leave of their own accord.

We can say that the Gray Stone Method is a way to break with a psychopath using the old excuse "it's not about you, it's about me", with the only difference that you show it with your actions, instead of saying it in words, and the manipulator himself comes to this conclusion.

There is nothing to envy

Another reason to use the Graystone Method is to avoid falling into the "prey" role from the start. If you find yourself in the company of one or more narcissistic individuals, perhaps working with them, or they are members of your family, it is important to avoid activating their envy. Using the Gray Stone Method, you recede into the background. They may not even remember that they met you.

If you have inadvertently caught their attention and they have already started focusing on you, you can still use the Gray Stone Method. Tell them that you are boring. Describe a boring life. Talk about the most mundane household chores - in great detail. Some people naturally lack the halo of drama. Find such people and stay close to them when the manipulator is nearby.

Distract with a broken wing

If you are forced to continue a relationship with a manipulator, the Gray Stone Method can also serve you well. People who are involved in joint custody of a child with a manipulating ex-spouse may use a method where the ex-spouse tries to hurt them and dissolve them into emotions.

It is clear that any threat to the well-being of our children is incredibly powerful and provokes fear and anxiety. Here, the Gray Stone Method can be applied selectively to divert attention from what is really important to you.

In general, do not show any emotion in response to offensive words and behavior. The manipulator will use different tactics to find out which one will trigger a reaction. And you should respond to what is of the least importance to you. This will focus the manipulator's attention on this aspect.

Remember, psychopaths and other manipulators do not have values, so they do not understand what is valuable to us until we ourselves discover it. The Gray Stone Selective Method shows them the bait. In protecting our children, we can learn from Mother Nature: it is known that parent birds with chicks depict a broken wing when a predator wanders in the vicinity. They pretend to be vulnerable in order to distract the cat's attention from their real vulnerability - their offspring.

In this example, the Selective Gray Stone Method pushes into the background all emotions, except those that you yourself want to expose to the social predator.

It is very easy for psychopaths to get bored. They need constant stimulation to ward off boredom. This is not the kind of boredom that ordinary people experience, it is more like the French word ennui, which refers to overwhelming longing, boredom and lethargy. Drama is psychopaths' cure for boredom. For drama, they need an audience and characters. Once the drama begins, they feel alive again. They are charged when they pull the strings that trigger our emotional response. Any emotion will do as long as it is a reaction to their actions.

Psychopaths and other manipulators are addicted to power. They gain power by opening access to our emotions. They are acutely aware of this and need constant testing to make sure we are still under their control. They need to know that we are still willing to act according to their desires, to make them happy, and to avoid their anger. They need to create drama in order to experience a sense of power from manipulating our emotions.

As with any addiction, getting your dose of emotional response excites and revitalizes the psychopath. The more times he receives his "reward" for his dramatic behavior, the more his addiction grows. The converse is also true: when the "reward" stops coming, he gets nervous. He experiences an overwhelming sense of boredom and longing and responds by creating more drama.

If we adhere to this line of behavior and do not show emotion, at some point the psychopath decides that his toy is broken. She no longer splashes with emotion when he squeezes her! Most likely, he will crawl away from you in search of a new toy.

The Gray Stone Method includes a caveat: psychopaths are dangerous people, if you are in a relationship with one who has already decided to kill you, it will be very difficult to change his mind. It may already be poisoning your food or secretly damaging your car. Take all necessary precautions. In such a case, you should only hope that the Gray Stone Method will only help buy time before you can escape.

Boring, poor and ugly

Psychopaths are attracted to bright, beautiful things, anything that moves fast and bright lights. They associate these objects with a sense of liveliness and alleviate his ever-present overwhelming longing. Of course, his preferred food is your emotions, but the list of what he desires is not limited to them.

He envies everything that is beautiful, shining and sparkling that you have and wants everything that you value highly. You must hide everything that he can notice and what he can start to envy.

If you are beautiful, use makeup to paint under eye bags

If you are not married to a manipulator, any money or assets he craves for should “disappear” into a “very bad investment” (consult your lawyer about this)

Your shiny new sports car should retire - get yourself a simple, unassuming everyday car

If you have a great reputation, expect him to start, or has already begun to slander you. So don't let yourself be embarrassed or provoked into unstable or unhealthy behavior

The reason he wants to take it all away from you is not necessarily because he wants to have it all himself, but because he wants to see the emotion on your face the moment you lose it all. The manipulator needs a demonstration of strength, expressed in the fact that he is the person who robbed you of all this. By removing all these things from his field of vision in advance and not showing an emotional reaction to these losses, you continue to accustom him to the idea that you are the most boring person in the world, a person whom he will never want to be like in anything.

Origin of the Gray Stone Method

In 2009, the author of the original text broke up with her psychopathic partner after 25 years of marriage, but did not understand what was wrong with him.

“I was sitting in a sushi bar with mixed feelings when I was introduced to a tall, handsome young man with an athletic look. To my surprise, I instinctively dumped my whole story to him. He listened to me and then explained to me that I was dealing with a perverse narcissist. And he gave me advice: "Be boring."

He said that his girlfriend came home every night and started drinking and behaving in a terrible and abusive way. They were both professionals, moving in the same professional circles. He knew that she would persecute him if he decided to break up and did not want to take the risk of becoming a victim of slander, which could damage his professional reputation.

And he decided to become so boring that she just left him. He refused to go out in the evenings. He showed no emotional reaction to anything and always reacted with a lack of drama. When she asked if he wanted to go out to a cafe or restaurant for dinner, his answer was: "I don't know." After months without drama, she moved out of him.

… I chose the word "gray stone" because wherever you go there are many gray stones and pebbles, but you never notice them. None of them grab your attention. You do not remember a single pebble separately from those that you saw today, because they merge with the landscape. This is exactly the type of boredom that you are going to transmit to the manipulator. The stranger from the sushi bar made a startling observation when he told him to "be boring."He hit the heart of psychopaths' motivation to avoid boredom.

In nature, there are many tricks that contribute to the survival of predators. Among others, birds play a broken wing to protect their offspring, and mice pretend to be dead until the cat loses interest in them. Both of these tactics can be useful and can be applied as needed and appropriate.

At the same time, it is very difficult to calculate every move of a psychopath in order to choose the best line of behavior every time. Instead of trying to outsmart or outwit him, broadcast the gray stone. This simple, humble object of nature has all the wisdom it needs to go unnoticed - it's boring.