About Treason. Case Description

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Video: About Treason. Case Description

Video: About Treason. Case Description
Video: What Is Treason? 2024, March
About Treason. Case Description
About Treason. Case Description
Anonim

A completely ordinary family. Car, dacha in the nearest suburb. The spouses have a stable job. Daughter. Wealthy parents. They are supported. They do not experience material problems. Married for over 8 years.

The reason for the appeal was the question of constant family scandals on the topic of adultery. The initiator of the appeal was her husband. It should be noted that in recent years, more and more often it is men who initiate an appeal to a psychologist.

Upon closer examination, it became clear that partners do not suffer from any mental illness characterized by sexual promiscuity. Adultery used rather as attracting the attention of a partner and receiving confirmation of their own importance in a relationship. Own value and need for a partner. Taking into account the disturbed communications within family communication and the inability to talk about their own states (without fear of not being heard or even more actively rejected), in the arsenal of the spouses there are only mechanisms that cause reactions that are very strong in terms of the degree of experience (affects) that cannot be ignored by a partner.

The members of this family system do not seem to have access to the register of average feelings.

The value of a partner can only arise through the threat of loss

This situation is very typical for addictive relationships that develop against the background of traumatization of participants in parental families.

At the initial stage, for such cases, it is very useful to teach the participants to speak about any experiences on their own behalf, not to try to blame the partner for it. For example, the phrase “you brought me out, offended, etc.” may sound like “I was upset, I was offended, etc. This form allows each of the participants to take responsibility for what is happening. For example, if one of the partners does something, he may not have the goal of offending or offend the other, but may be guided by some other motivation. However, his actions on the part of a partner can really look offensive and offensive. Then it is important to share responsibility.

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The person who commits the act is not to blame for the deliberate infliction of "harm" and has the ability to somehow correlate his actions with the reaction of his partner. Moreover, it was with a clear reaction, voiced and heard. If the partner is required to "anticipate" the reaction to their own actions, this message entails an inevitable conflict. For a person who is offended or upset, his part of the responsibility for such a situation is necessary, because it is precisely his reactions to this situation and it is he who experiences these feelings.

This division of responsibility allows you to gain an idea of your own boundaries and see the boundaries of your partner. This happens through understanding your own limitations and, as a result, through understanding your partner's limitations.

When we feel our own inadequacy, we tend to empower some external object. Just as for a child up to a certain age, a parent is an omnipotent figure capable of satisfying all his (child's) needs, so later, without gaining inner maturity, we endow the person who is nearby with omnipotence and continue to demand from him to satisfy all our needs by default.

When both spouses are experiencing difficulties with communication, when, apart from mutual claims, nothing seems to exist. It is very difficult (but practically impossible!) To understand this "tangle" on your own, tk. lost the main element - mutual trust. Lost the opportunity to hear the partner because their own experiences, their own pain and resentment obscure everything that happens around.

It is then that it becomes necessary to involve an outsider in the consideration of this situation. Not a relative of one of the parties, not acquaintances or friends (who are also emotionally involved in the situation and cannot but take any side in the conflict of interest). Here you need a specialist who, having the skills to work with such situations, will be able to maintain maximum neutrality and will be a support for each participant in the difficult issues of clarifying relations.

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