Education Without A Particle Is NOT

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

“You can smoke,” my mother once told me, when asked about smoking. Says: “Please. Smoke. Only you will have yellow teeth, bad breath and, possibly, sick children "… And I continued to live with the knowledge that it is possible, but why? In much the same way, my mother "approved" my idea with a tattoo. Later, she admitted that if it really came to tattoos on the body, she would naturally dissuade me. BUT! It didn't come to that, because my trust in my mother was boundless and unshakable. Mom, with all her behavior, day after day, won this trust. And, instead of prohibitions, she allowed …

How often do we notice that in the process of communication, there are all sorts of misunderstandings and misunderstandings. We quite clearly formulate our thoughts and feelings, but we are NOT heard or understood exactly the opposite. So what's the matter, after all ?!

Ask yourself: How do I formulate my thoughts and how do I ask questions?

I will try to tell you how this usually happens using the example of the relationship between a mother and a child. In the life of any normal mother, at least once, a situation arose in which she felt helpless, communicating with her child.

It is very important to remember that the child does not hear the “not” particles.… He perceives all our prohibitions as a tempting offer for action. For example: “Don't run like crazy! Stop yelling! " The kid slowed down for a moment and immediately jerked off with a cry of delight. We see the opposite of the expected result, get irritated and prohibit and prohibit even more. “I asked you not to run! Can't you hear? !! " The kid fulfills our commands again and again, as we remember, not paying attention to the "not" particle, is sincerely surprised at the parent's irritation and begins to get nervous … "Stop! Pack your toys quickly, we're late! " While the kid is trying to figure out the meaning of the situation, another prohibition flies out of us like a bullet: “Don't stand rooted to the spot! You still cry for me here! " And, lo and behold, tears fell from the eyes of the baby … Again brought the mother!

This is familiar to many. And, believe me, it is quite natural.

I confess I have checked the circuit several times. "Forbid - ask" on your child, husband, clients and students. Sometimes, of course, I unconsciously, on a wave of passion, flew into a situation of misunderstanding and caught myself "by the tail", being already involved in badminton from words and emotions. But more often, I addressed this or that message, quite consciously.

It literally affected my two-year-old child:

- Don't run! (The child, with a perky look, turns to the voice and continues to run).

- Go calmly, please. (he just slows down and walks calmly, without even turning around).

The same is with "Don't shout - speak quietly", or "Don't interrupt me - wait a second, I hear you."

The difference in the perception of phrases is quite obvious. It is also obvious that the first option is always dominant, commanding, and the second is informative and interacting.

There is also an example from pedagogical practice, with students in choir and vocal classes at an art school. Instead of: "This is false, you underestimate" - a proposal for a concrete solution to the problem: "In this place, try a little more reliance on breathing and, as it were," sit down "on the note from above - and only then - because it was too low." This construction of the phrase will never offend the child. With the help of this approach in communicating with children, I managed to "tame" a large number of hedgehogs and cubs. The children themselves always say that I hear them and understand that I believe in them and help them to believe in their strength. And I just don't tell them what to do. Just never.

How does it work with adults? With adults who are used to pulling their heads into their shoulders and NOT yelling, NOT being lazy, NOT being in time, NOT thinking, NOT understanding absolutely nothing …

Frankly speaking, it is often difficult. I always drive my clients into a stupor with the phrase: "Try the same thing, but without the" not "particle."They hang for a long time, then, with attempts, they begin to "reinvent the wheel". For many, it becomes a discovery that the habit of constantly denying, criticizing and forbidding prevents them from becoming successful and happy.

After all, how can you be happy with your husband, who “does not understand me!”, Or trust your parents who say: “If you get a bad mark, you don’t have to come home!”. It is much more pleasant to live with a person who: “Knows my desires, because I tell him about them,” or boldly fly into life, inspired by the parental phrase: “Go, try! If anything, you always have somewhere to return! (c) my mom.