How To Forget Your Mistress

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Video: How To Forget Your Mistress

Video: How To Forget Your Mistress
Video: How Does A Married Man Feel When His Mistress Leaves Him? 2024, March
How To Forget Your Mistress
How To Forget Your Mistress
Anonim

Attention: for a psychologist, a relationship with a mistress is such an intimate relationship between a married man and an unmarried / married woman, where there is no birth of a common child. Where long-term stable meetings are a joint child, it is no longer a question of a mistress, but of the creation of a "parallel family", even if not registered and not official, where the mistress becomes practically a wife. Moreover, very often, many people around are generally mistakenly convinced that the wife is just a mistress, and they do not even know about a real wife. In this case, it is impossible to “forget the mistress”, since there is a common child who is not guilty of anything and who should be taken care of, educated, financed, etc. Here we are already talking about the termination of relations along the "man-woman" line, but maintaining a stable contact along the "mother-father-child" line, the word "forget" is no longer suitable here. These situations are not described in the article, everything is different there.

This article is for all categories of men: those who have already tried unsuccessfully to part with their mistress several times; for those who are just planning to do it for the first time; on those who delayed this decision and waited until he was thrown himself. But, most importantly, on those who, through their personal experience, have already made sure that: parting with a mistress and forgetting a mistress is, unfortunately, far from the same thing!

So: how to forget your mistress? Unfortunately, this question is very relevant for millions of men around the world. Moreover, its relevance is associated not only with the very fact of the multitude of betrayals, but with the fact that regularly cheating on his wife with the same woman, men almost always underestimate the risk that they will fall in love and become deeply attached. It seems to men for a very long time that they are "strong as flint", but the very first serious quarrel with parting with their mistress quickly puts them in their place, showing them that they will not be able to live as before, love has a short leash, a strict collar, and losing the woman that fits best in sex is very painful. After that, some men begin to obediently serve the passion that conquered them, giving gifts, financing her life and promising to leave the family; others flutter listlessly, periodically trying the love trap for strength: “What if it’s right now to run away from this woman all the same?”

I am not talking about this by chance. Because it is important for me to dispel the myth that, unfortunately, is very common in the male community and the Internet. Namely, the myth that if you want to end a relationship with your mistress and forget your mistress then supposedly you can slowly and smoothly "roll up" or "stifle" them: gradually reduce the number of personal meetings, calls and messages; have sex not at every meeting, but after a certain number of meetings; stop going as a couple to public places or to mutual acquaintances; stop planning joint actions; less and less deeply interested in each other's affairs, mood and well-being, etc. I will say right away: this scheme for ending a love relationship definitely does not work! Not only is this sadism and mockery of people and their feelings, but it also not only does not help to curtail and end the relationship, but also further inflames passion. Especially with someone who thus "strangles the relationship." A person, in fact, "strangles" himself. As a matter of fact, the greatest number of problems for a psychologist are caused by such men-lovers who, before parting with their mistress, tried to “quietly wind up the relationship” a number of times. They are the hardest to work with. It's about the same as a patient would be brought to a surgeon trying to remove a minor splinter from a finger using a large ax or a powerful puncher.

Hence, I say: If a man himself has made a fundamental decision to stop cheating on his wife with another woman (or is prompted to do so by a wife who has learned about this relationship), such a decision can and should be successfully implemented only by immediately and abruptly ending the existing relationship. Without any agreements on the topic: "we are still close people and therefore we will periodically call each other for some time, keep each other informed of our lives, help each other in solving various problems, arrange nostalgic" evenings of meetings and memories ", have sex purely in friendship, etc.”.

However, more on this later. Now I need to debunk another myth. The myth that if a man does not see prospects in a relationship with his mistress, but cannot and does not want to end the relationship himself, he just needs to become either very lethargic and apathetic in them, or, on the contrary, aggressive and jealous, and then the woman herself will do for his lover's "dirty work": he will get himself another partner and this relationship will end by itself. I also say right away: this scheme not only does not work from the point of view of terminating the connection with his mistress, but also works to strengthen this connection, and it also painfully hits the psychology of the allegedly "throwing" man, in particular, his male pride.

Because, whatever the abstract-theoretical desire of a cheating husband to part with his mistress and forget your mistress the information that some man appeared in her bed (since another means the best!) cannot leave anyone indifferent. Hence - outbursts of jealousy and rage, which means - the logical kindling of a seemingly dying fire of love and passion. It is from here that an acute desire to return that leaving woman, it would seem, with whom, yesterday he sincerely sought to part. Exactly from here - such a sharp change in the behavior of the cheating husband, who begins to rush and run after his outgoing passion, when, because of this, his wife's observation suddenly turns on, and she belatedly notices, to her horror, the double life of her husband. It is from here and at least half of those cases when a man declares his readiness to leave the family and live with the woman who has already started sleeping with some other man, when before that he not only did not consider this option for the development of his own biography, but also condemned!

And even if a man was able to gather all his will into a fist and let his mistress say goodbye to him herself, this is almost guaranteed to affect his psyche and health! From such stress, a man's immunity will collapse and depression will develop. After that, against the background of psycho-somatics, pressure may increase, an ulcer, asthma, eczema will begin to develop, all existing chronic diseases will worsen, etc. And even if he preserves his health, a man will not only be unable to improve his relations with his existing wife, but also risks finally deteriorating and destroying them. In this case, the man is either waiting for a slide into depression and alcoholism (with the destruction of his career and life in general), or a search for new betrayals, where everything can happen again and again. With the continued deterioration of the physical and mental health of men.

I will say more: it is the adultery of men, with attempts to end the "left" relationship according to the "smooth folding" schemes and "let her find herself another", provides at least half of strokes, heart attacks, cases of alcoholism and suicide among men, as well as for many years and even shortens the life span of men for decades. If your life is dear to you, I directly advise not only not to cheat on your wives, but also not to experiment on yourself, trying to invent a bicycle and come up with some kind of author's scheme for breaking up with your mistress. Millions of men who lost their money, careers and families, became disabled and died ahead of time could share with you their curious stories in this regard. But due to the brevity of this article, I cannot describe all this to you.

Having given you a useful warning, I move on to the essence and the concrete plan. How to forget your mistress after several months or years of relationship? To make this possible, it is important to behave correctly during the first three, psychologically most difficult months. It is at this time that the psyche experiences the greatest stress and needs to be helped in every way. To do this, apply these simple, but extremely useful and proven my advice a thousand times over.

20 tips for forgetting your mistress:

1. How to forget your mistress - The final conversation should be personal, but short

A man should have a personal conversation with his mistress, clearly indicating that this relationship ends finally and forever. It is senseless, useless and unnecessary to argue this decision with something other than the desire to save your marriage. First, you may not be heard, because you have a feeling of love and affection and / or you have money. Secondly, this conversation cannot be turned into work with objections, when the mistress either answers your claims or promises to fix everything. All this is equally unnecessary to you.

It is still correct to speak in person, and not on the phone or in correspondence. Since in these cases, the woman will still seek a personal meeting with you in order to talk face to face. Of course, the conversation should be conducted while being sober. There should not be any insults or rudeness in it, since both parties are always guilty of treason. Moreover, after a conversation that you are putting an end to it, there should be no intimate relationship. They expressed their firm position and left. No matter how the feeling of greed itches, you cannot take away any of your gifts, neither jewelry, nor cars, nor anything else: If you were a man in a relationship with a woman, you need to remain a man at the time of separation and after it.

2. How to forget a mistress - You need to be prepared for the fact that the mistress will fight for you

You need to understand: as long as a man treats a woman normally and has money and some opportunities, it is difficult for her to let him go. Therefore, a man should be prepared for the fact that he will be persecuted: they will write to him on social networks and in all types of communication; call; guard near the house, work and gym; create any reason to "like by chance" to meet anywhere; threaten suicide; blackmail by talking to your wife or passing compromising information to the police or tax office; ask for help in specially created critical situations, such as road traffic accidents, illnesses, etc.

No matter how unexpected and unpleasant it all looked, no matter how harsh words rushed to him, or no matter how the abandoned mistress seeks to hurt the man and harm his property, you need to behave calmly and not succumb to provocations. Therefore, a man who has parted with his mistress may well visit a psychologist or psychotherapist in a timely manner, including prescribing sedatives or hypnotics and even antidepressants for himself.

3. How to forget a mistress - After parting with a mistress, you need to completely block all communication channels

Block her on all phones and social networks. If necessary, even close your profiles or even leave social networks. Quit your job or change office and department if your colleague is your lover. Change routes to work and places you usually visit and where you can meet your ex. Refuse walking in those places where you walked together, from visits to those cafes and shops where she can visit; from visits to common companies of friends and those events where a meeting is possible.

4. How to forget your mistress - Do not be interested in the life of your ex-girlfriend, both personal and in general

Do not let your mutual acquaintances or your mistress's friends specially sent to you tell you about how she lives. Don't follow her social media profiles; do not be jealous of her new relationship partners and do not sort things out with them, do not count how many hours she spends in various messengers. Do not congratulate her on the holidays and her birthday, do not offer your help and advice, do not do nasty things either to herself or to her loved ones. Just submit the entire history of your communication to the archive and forget.

5. How to forget a mistress - Remove anything that might cause associations with a former mistress

First of all, remove all of her gifts (scarves, ties, cufflinks, pens, gadgets, etc.). Erase all her photos and messages on the phone and social networks, burn all letters and printed photos, throw away those of her personal belongings that the girl did not take from your meeting places (toothbrushes, stockings, perfume, etc.). Stop consuming those dishes that she prepared or preferred. Do not watch her favorite shows, movies, TV series, Internet channels, etc. Do not travel to those countries, cities and hotels where you traveled with your mistress. If you had sex with her in your car, sell the car and buy another. If you rented an apartment for meetings - rent it back. If you went to the same gym, spa or beauty salon, change it all. And so on along the entire possible list of associations. The more associations you eliminate, the easier it will be to forget.

6. How to forget a mistress - Remove all associations with the very situation of parting with a mistress

First of all, do not listen to music with songs in your native language, as it will seem to you that all tragic love songs are written about you. Listen or just music or songs in languages you don't know, moreover, not sad, but only invigorating. For the same reason, do not watch TV shows - they all parasitize on the topic of unhappy love. And do not participate in the conversations of your friends and colleagues, on the topic of relationships, unhappy love, divorce, infidelity, etc. But you can enthusiastically watch action films, science fiction, popular science films of any subject. Here the principle works: the more vivid and interesting information you learn, the easier it will be for you to escape from the worries about parting with your mistress.

7. How to forget your mistress - Eliminate excessive alcohol consumption

During the stressful period after the end of the relationship, in strict accordance with the genetic presets, the man's brain only thinks about how to restore the connection with the familiar sexual object. He will use every opportunity for this and drunken breakdowns are the most optimal opportunity for this. Hence, during the first months, it is necessary to either exclude altogether, or at least minimize the use of alcoholic beverages. Otherwise, drunk, you either call or write to your ex, or start guarding in the courtyard of her house. After which everything will be restored and spun with renewed vigor.

8. How to Forget a Mistress - Restore and brighten up intimate relationships with your wife

If, having lost a sexual partner that is comfortable for you, you cannot get the same amount and quality of sex (those of its types) that took place in bed with your mistress, your struggle to end the relationship will either be extremely painful for you, or will end with the restoration of a broken connection or the appearance new mistress. Therefore, at any cost, work with your wife so that there is a sexual renaissance in the family. To do this, help your wife in everyday life and with children, spend interesting leisure time with your wife. Don't skimp on your legal wife: spend a lot of money on updating her wardrobe (including lingerie), send her to nutritionists, stylists and makeup artists, beauty salons, spas and the pool. If you can make your wife attractive to you both on the street and in bed, your chances of forgetting your mistress will increase. If you cannot do this, there will be problems. Therefore, it still needs to be done. Moreover, quickly.

9. How to Forget Your Mistress - Pay more attention to sports and nutrition

Above all, pay extra attention to endurance and strength training. Try to run crosses (including on a cardio trainer) for at least ten kilometers, pedal an exercise bike or bicycle. Work out large muscle groups until painful - thighs, chest, back, triceps. The more you sweat and get tired, the more your body will produce the hormone serotonin, which is a natural antidepressant and the faster it will utilize the "bad" hormones released from the stress of parting - adrenaline and norepinephrine. This will give you a good sleep and save you from medical antidepressant and sleeping pills treatment. It will be especially good if you start visiting with your legal spouse and (if possible) with your children.

In addition: during the period of separation, do not forget to pamper yourself with delicious and sweet: cakes, rolls, sweets, cookies, cakes, nuts, condensed milk, cocoa, coffee, etc. All this contains the important amino acid tryptophan, from which your body will produce hormones that stabilize your behavior - serotonin, dopamine, endorphin. Do not be afraid in the first months after parting to "seize" the problem - with active sports behavior, you will easily burn these calories, but your psychology will be in a positive tone.

10. How to Forget a Lover - Find interesting or even extreme activities, preferably outdoors and under the rays of the sun

Hobbies such as - motorcycling, mountain biking, rafting, diving, parachute, bungee climbing, climbing, rock climbing, speleology, surfing, kiting, yachting, paragliding, hang gliding, mountain skiing, snowboarding, snowmobiling, equestrian sports, archery, knife fighting, hard martial arts (etc.) forcing the brain to concentrate on new and difficult activities distract a person from the sad experiences of parting so much that they have a quick and positive effect. Especially if all this happens in the fresh air and under the rays of the sun, which is also necessary for the production of natural antidepressants in the body.

In my practice, there were stories when the quick forgetting of mistresses was associated with such activities as search work (in places of past battles), treasure hunting, spearfishing and search diving, spinning trophy fishing, regular hunting, sports poker (no money), hockey, football and even billiards. The main thing is to seriously get carried away with this and do it systematically.

11. Stay at home less, be in the company of people more often

Being at home, in a familiar interior and social circle, does not give the brain work at all, does not distract from sad feelings about the loss of mistresses. The brain should be loaded as much as possible all the time. To do this, during the first months, try to only spend the night at home, all your free time going out with your family to visit friends, as well as to shopping and entertainment complexes, to walk along embankments and parks, to cinema and cafes, to theaters and museums. Not only will this culturally develop yourself - you will repay the debt to your children and wife, whom you clearly abandoned during the heyday of your relationship with your mistress.

12. Go headlong into work

Cheating rarely leads to a man's career and financial takeoff. Here there is a pattern of a different kind: women who want to give birth to a man who are willing to give birth to a man quickly stick to a career and financially successful man. And while a man either goes to meet these women's wishes or stubbornly avoids the role assigned to him, he gradually starts his labor activity. Therefore, deciding to break the connection with his mistress - it's time to roll up your sleeves and get to work. Thus, creating the starting conditions for a new start to success. Just be careful with a long stay in the office in the evening: another woman can lay her eyes on a lonely working man …

13. Engage yourself in social, political, charitable, religious, educational projects

If you are doing so well at work or in business that you have a lot of free time, you must definitely find where to use it. Otherwise, at the time that you previously specially freed for visits to your mistress, some other woman will invade. Therefore, you can and should read the Internet, get acquainted with those social, political, charitable, religious, educational projects that are being implemented in your village, city or region. And try yourself in the business that will pique your interest. Maybe you are an excellent volunteer, future human rights activist, philanthropist or deputy, educator or people's controller. And it is thanks to the suffering that you go through after parting with your mistress that some important pages of your biography will open.

14. How to forget your mistress - Renew and expand your circle of contacts

The most interesting thing that captures the entire human brain is the analysis of those new people who appear in the social circle. Therefore, in order to forget one person, you should meet and start communicating with people new to you. These may be those of your work colleagues with whom you have not communicated before; parents of those children with whom your children play in kindergarten, school or club; neighbors at the entrance or in the parking lot; those who visit the same gym or pool with you; fishermen and hunters, those people who share your hobbies or interests. Active communication with such people, especially if you are able to involve your whole family in it, will definitely have a beneficial effect on your psychological state.

15. Get involved in improving your educational level

If you find it difficult to start communicating with people new to you on your own initiative, remember: for this you can and should use various group classes with anything: retraining and advanced training courses, courses in foreign languages, business schools, personal growth trainings, any other educational courses, up to classes in wine schools or proper dietary nutrition. Remember: where there are people, interesting information and funny laughter, it will definitely become much easier for you to go through parting with your mistress.

16. Take exciting trips across the region, country and world

Another great way not to sit at home, meet new people and dissolve the depression from the loss of a mistress in vivid impressions is travel and travel. Moreover, we are not talking about lazy trips to five-star hotels on the "all inclusive" system, but about those tours that you develop for yourself. It is not necessary to hitchhike, you can rent a car or go by your own car, organize a bus or even a bicycle tour in your region or abroad. There are also voyages on luxury liners, ecological, photographic, gastronomic, religious, historical and cultural, volcanological, speleological and even fishing tourism. Everything is open to you, your friends and, of course, your family. And it will also bring positiveness into your life.

17. How to Forget Your Lover - Never tell other people about your history of betrayal

It is known: "who - about what, and lousy - about the bath!". This proverb reflects the fact that the leading theme for personal experiences is sure to be asked out, seeks to become common property. And it is precisely in this that the mechanism of self-preservation of experiences is hidden: the more people you tell about your feelings and sad experiences, the better you yourself will remember this and penetrate deeper into it. Therefore, trying to forget as quickly as possible both the mistress and your feelings about parting, you should avoid telling about this story. You don't need to discuss your ex-girlfriend's identity with your wife, friends, coworkers, or other women. Because the risk is too great to wind oneself up emotionally that you can’t stand it and fall into a tailspin: call or write to your former mistress, automatically transferring her to the category of “acting”. And pushing this genie back into the bottle will be oh, how difficult.

So, no matter how someone talks in your presence about their own infidelities, no matter how it corresponds to your own personal experience, your mouth is shut!

18. Start building something, change your apartment or region / country of residence

Another proven way to distract yourself from melancholy is to start repairing your apartment, or build a house or summer cottage, or move to live in a completely different region or even a country. Such drastic changes force a person to fully mobilize all their volitional, intellectual and emotional abilities, and the complexity of what is ahead of you distracts from everything that happened in the past. Here you are and leave the longing for your mistress …

19. Revision your sense of life, come up with new goals and missions

The mere presence of a mistress with whom you have a delicious dinner, have hot fun in bed, have fun and spend your (or rather, family) money means that you live according to a biological scenario, not much different from male chimpanzees or gorillas. So maybe it's time to remember that you are still a Human, and therefore in your life there should be some Big Meaning, some Great Goals and an Important Mission ?! I will not impose on you the options for all this, just read my articles under the headings "The meaning of life" on the site zberovski.ru "and you will have something to think about. And I would very much like you to think about it. Because the appearance of a mistress is always a clear sign that a man has stopped thinking about what he is doing and why he is doing it. To get distracted and forget about past betrayal - it's time to find something deep and intellectual in yourself, and not superficial and physical. In the end, you should be remembered in this world not by the number of women and not the amount of money spent on them, but by some other qualities and achievements. Which one depends only on you.

20. Eliminate the creation of new changes

As a psychologist, I admit the fact that "a wedge is knocked out by a wedge." The easiest way to forget one woman is when another, even more interesting, appears in a man's life. But the trouble is that forgetting one mistress in the arms of other women has many risks. Firstly, it is quite difficult to fall in love with someone else right away: in the first months and even years after separation, the love program and the associated adaptation to a permanent sexual partner will prevent this in every possible way. And the disappointment that the charm of other women is not enough to forget the former lover can lead a man to believe that that woman was truly "one and only", thereby provoking a restoration of relations. Another scenario is also possible: an unspent keen desire to give your warmth can easily switch to another sexual object, deceiving both you and your new girlfriend. It will seem to you that you have finally found something that you missed so much in life, you will grab another friend literally with all your strength, conquer her with your activity, convince her to start creating a serious relationship with you, and then … one day you will come to your senses and you will understand that you just recovered so much, but this woman still did not become close and dear to you. But the mechanism for the collapse of your life and that of this other woman may already be set in motion; you promise something that you cannot fulfill; a few more years of your and someone else's life will be lost …

Hence, I strongly advise: if you do not have a clearly made decision to leave the family, there is nothing to deceive yourself and others with empty illusions: it is better to grit your teeth and endure a post of love suffering for several months, and then concentrate on developing your own personality and career, rather than falling into bed a cycle where new orgasms will only be well forgotten old ones.

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