Loving Presence

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I often talk about how important it is to stay with what is happening in you at the moment, without trying to remove anything, without trying to change or fix anything.

The question is how to do this?

This is not an easy question and I myself often have difficulties with this.

Since we have not had the experience of loving presence in our lives, it is very, very difficult for us to understand and feel what it is.

As a child, we were not allowed to feel the feelings that we had at certain times. Basically, these were the feelings that the adults around us themselves could not cope with. When any of these feelings arose in us, adults began to feel uncomfortable in contact with them. And in order not to feel this way, they forbade us to show ourselves: “don't cry,” “don't be capricious,” “don't be afraid,” “not now,” or they gave us a lot of clever advice. I think the word "no" we heard most often. Some were not even allowed to rejoice too much. We began to hide our natural manifestations and put on a mask.

There was no one around who would say, "I understand how you feel now, and I am there." We were left alone with what was happening in us.

Since at that time we did not have enough strength in our psyche and we were not able to give ourselves support, to realize and allow ourselves these feelings, we decided that they were bad and also began to forbid them to ourselves. Then we had no other choice.

This is not possible, it is not possible. I need to work with this, remove it, improve it, I shouldn't feel it now. A feeling arose in us that something was fundamentally wrong with us and we continue to struggle with ourselves and work on ourselves.

All this causes tremendous internal tension and dissatisfaction with what is happening here and now. This is constant violence against oneself. We leave ourselves every time when a feeling "uncomfortable" for us arises in us. We are trying to quickly remove it in all possible ways: we begin to work a lot, drink, eat, change partners, work on ourselves, some even come to a consultation with a desire to remove some feelings.

All this wastes our energy and does not allow us to see what is at the moment, and this is what most needs to be seen. It is precisely what is happening at the moment that needs our support and our loving presence.

What we can do?

We cannot change the past. Everything happened the way it happened. The only thing we can do is look with honest eyes at what happened. When we see that at one time we did not receive enough space and support from outside to feel what is, we can begin to learn to give ourselves this support.

How can you learn not to leave yourself when you feel "uncomfortable" feelings? How to stop betraying yourself and give yourself a loving presence?

First, pay attention to the body.

When we do not allow ourselves to feel something, we contract in the body and create tension. Feel where this tension sits and direct your attention there.

Second, breathe.

When we hold on to "uncomfortable" feelings, we hold our breath. Pay attention to it and let it go. Begin to direct your attention and breath to those parts of your body that are tense and to those corners of your soul that are in darkness. Breathe evenly and calmly and you will feel how something inside you begins to relax.

Third, embrace these feelings.

You have the right to have any feelings within you.

Every time you feel shame, resentment, anger, helplessness, pain, anxiety, fear, or something that you may not even know what is called, imagine this feeling in some form, it could be some animal or a character, maybe a flower or a plant. And hug what you present. Hold it in your arms and continue to breathe with it in a relaxed and calm manner.

Only when we learn to give a loving presence to ourselves and our feelings can we also give it to the people around us. We can just be there, without giving smart advice, without trying to change or remove, cure or suppress anything. A loving presence creates a healing space where everything happens by itself, exactly when it's right for you. If we can learn to do this, the struggle within us will stop and this is what can put an end to the struggle and violence in the world.