WE ARE ALL FROM CHILDHOOD

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57

I do not work with children, but during therapy, there is always a touch of the client's childhood. Therefore, perhaps this note will be useful to both psychotherapists and adults who have children.

In childhood, we receive messages from parents or their substitutes that can turn into our life scenario.

Parental messages can be supportive: “You can love and be loved”, “You can choose a job you like and achieve success in it,” “You can create a strong family,” etc.

Or limiting: “Don't be”, “Don't live”, “Don't feel”, “Don't be close”, “Don't be yourself”, “Don't reach”.

They are transmitted not only in the form of specific verbal instructions, of course, but also non-verbally - we see how our parents act.

Parental messages are something we believe unconditionally. Both supportive and limiting, unfortunately. And, often, our entire subsequent adult life unfolds according to the decisions we made in childhood.

It is clear that adults have their own reasons. Here are some examples of directives, the messages behind them are "encrypted" and the consequences - how it then "reverberates" in the adult life of a child.

EXAMPLES OF PARENTAL DIRECTIVES AND MESSAGES:

Directive: "Why are you behaving like a little one? You'd rather be big already."

Message: Being an adult is good, a child is bad. Don't be a child.

Reason: It is easier for adults to equate a child by their own standards than to delve into his feelings and experiences.

Consequences: Taking on too much responsibility; difficulties in relationships with your children.

Directive: "My eyes would not see you. How many worries have you brought me." or “I don’t need such a bad boy. I’ll give it (to a bear, Baba Yaga, a policeman. I’ll take another one

Message: Don't live.

Reason: A guilty child is easier to manage.

Consequences: Feelings of guilt, "I wish it weren't there." Feelings of isolation, loneliness. Fear of death.

Directive: "Don't be smart. Do what they say."

Message: Don't think.

Reason: Authority, child manipulation.

Consequences: Distrust of one's mental abilities, emptiness of consciousness.

Directive: "Aren't you ashamed to be afraid of a dog? How can you be angry with dad?"

Message: Don't feel.

Reason: Protection from your own emotions.

Consequences: Destruction of the inner harmony of the personality. Difficulty showing and expressing emotions.

Directive: "You won't succeed. Hook hands. You always have everything awkward."

Message: Don't be successful.

Reason: Hidden envy of success.

Consequences: Feeling of undeserved success (it happened by accident, just lucky).

Directive: "You always need the most. Keep your head down!"

Message: Don't be yourself.

Reason: Low self-esteem, fear that the child will be envied, disliked or persecuted.

Consequences: Decreased self-esteem, self-leveling.

The video is about this. Short, but very accurate, in my opinion, it is violence.

If conscious goals cannot be achieved again and again, if their achievement is not pleasing, or negative situations of the same type are constantly repeated, you can use psychotherapeutic help - to understand what is hindering and what are the possible options for overcoming the impasse.

Yes, we cannot change our childhood - this is a given. This is what has already happened. But what we can do is change our attitude towards childhood - this time. We can reconsider and cancel the life plan created in childhood - that's two.

And we can also give our children such messages that will help them form a favorable life scenario. In which they will achieve their goals and experience joy and satisfaction at the same time, and perceive difficulties, dead ends and misfortunes as temporary, and feel their whole life as a whole filled with meaning, development and love ♥

I have already published supporting messages for the development of children, but I think that it will not be superfluous)

SUPPORTING MESSAGES FOR CHILD DEVELOPMENT

FORMATION (before birth)

For me, a holiday is that you live.

Your needs and safety are important to me.

We are connected with you, but at the same time you are an integral being.

You can make healthy decisions based on your experience.

You can be born when you are ready.

Your life is your property.

I like that you are.

STAGE OF EXISTENCE (from birth to 6 months)

I'm glad (glad) that you are.

You exist here and now.

Your needs are important to me.

I am glad that you are you.

You can grow at your own pace.

You can feel with all your senses.

I love you and willingly take care of you.

ACTION STAGE (6-18 months)

You can study the world and experiment with it, and I will support and protect you.

You can explore the world with all your senses.

You can do something as many times as you need.

You can know what you know.

You can be interested in everything.

I like to see how you start a new business, how you grow and learn.

I love you when you are active (active) and when you are calm (calm).

THINKING STAGE (from 18 months - up to 3 years)

I'm glad (glad) that you're starting to think for yourself.

It's okay when you're angry, and I won't let you harm yourself or others.

You can say no and test boundaries as much as you need.

You can learn to think about yourself, and I will think about myself.

You can think and feel at the same time.

You can understand what you need and ask for help.

You can separate from me, and I will continue to love you.

IDENTITY AND STRENGTH (3 to 6 years old)

You can study yourself and discover who other people are.

You can be strong and at the same time ask for help.

You can try yourself in different roles and ways to become strong.

You can understand the results of your behavior.

I consider all your feelings normal.

You can understand what is feigned and what is real.

I love you just the way you are.

STRUCTURE STAGE (6 to 12 years old)

You can think before you say yes or no, and you can learn from your mistakes.

You can trust your intuition and it will help you decide what to do.

You can find your own way of acting that suits you.

You can learn the rules that will help you live among other people.

You can learn when and how to object.

You can think of yourself and get help instead of being unhappy.

I love you even when we are different, I like to grow with you.

IDENTITY, SEXUALITY, DEPARTMENT (12-18 years old)

You know who you are and you learn independence, you practice this skill.

You can understand the difference between sex and caring and be responsible for your needs and behaviors.

You can develop your interests, relationships, and motivations.

You can learn to use old skills in new ways.

You can grow into a man or a woman and still be addicted sometimes.

I wanted (wanted) to know how you will be when you grow up.

My love is always with you. I trust you to ask for my support.