2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It is very important for a masochist to choose such objects for relationships so that he (she) would be inaccessible, so that there would be problems - "we cannot be together!" status … Well and the like, to suffer …
The masochist does not need a relationship as such - to be easy, simple and understandable. Being happy is a responsibility! And responsibility is essentially for your happiness, for your life - for the fact, in general, that something needs to be built. Oh yes, build! And be responsible for what has been built. A healthy person with unrequited love will suffer, suffer, but will eventually be able to accept the existing reality, understand the feelings of the other and his "non-reciprocity". A healthy person will leave to build his life further in order to be happy. He will build a new, mutual and warm relationship with another just as warm and sympathetic. A masochist will stretch his suffering for 5-10 years, or even more. And he will savor.
A masochist does not need to build anything, and accordingly, he does not need to bear responsibility for anything … By the way, choosing a partner for a relationship is also a responsibility. The masochist does not have the task of being happy in spite of. The task is to suffer. And choose a partner, next to whom you can suffer. This is a survival mechanism for the masochist - this is how they use someone else's resource.
Why do they need someone else's resource? And in order not to be responsible, so as not to ripen and not grow up, so that he does not stand on his own feet and do nothing with his own hands. Better to have someone to blame for his troubles. And on this someone you can add everything. And the benefits arise - they will regret it! Attention, far-fetched care. They regret - "they will feed, give shelter", they will give presents, up to marriage and sex out of pity. And in fact, pity in this case is a substitution of self-love. People manipulate others with self-pity. They don't know what it means to love. And they do not love either themselves or their chosen one. Do not know how.
What does it mean to love yourself?
First of all, it is to know yourself, to feel your body, to feel and experience emotions, to preserve your personal boundaries, to be able to protect them. Loving yourself means being able to take care of yourself, your needs, so as not to be in hunger and deficit. Be aware of yourself, your actions and needs. Identify in yourself some experiences from others. Have your own personal space. And be able to fill your emptiness and loneliness - personal, adult and mature space. And not acting out through manipulation: evoking feelings of guilt or self-pity. Often people who do not love themselves demand love and attention from others through illness, trauma, bad mood - this is a message to the world: "Look how bad I am, take care of me." Or they fill their emptiness with the same empty deeds that do not bring benefit, realization, but simply kill time in order to do something.
Further, dependent relationships may arise - for the sake of filling their emptiness with another person, his personal space, his attention. And without the other, there is no him either. Hence again suffering and even more emptiness and pain.
I wish such people, first of all, to learn to value themselves, to know their own worth, to find themselves, to feel and take care of their level of comfort without using "vampirism" towards others. If someone feels bad and he cannot take care of himself, it is important to be able to ask for help directly and openly, identifying YOUR needs for care, but not manipulating pity. Pity comes from the word pathetic. It is customary in the world to pity the weak, the orphaned and the poor.
People who do not love themselves, but ask in return "at least to be sorry" - unconsciously rank themselves among these beggars. But no one will love a person if he does not learn to love and appreciate himself. Nothing will happen to a person - without his personal participation. With all responsibility for yourself.
It is sometimes difficult to independently understand everything and change your personal structures. Psychologists, psychotherapists, psychoanalysts can help to figure it out. The reasons always come from childhood, in relationships with significant relatives (parents), in the environment where this personality was once formed. And it will take time to correct mistakes, rebuild behavior, learn new experiences and understand yourself. It is always important to believe in yourself and know that everything will work out.
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