Sexual Roles

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The whole world is a theater … Everyone knows this phrase of Shakespeare. But not many people remember its continuation

The whole world is theater.

There are women, men - all actors.

They have their own exits, exits, And everyone plays more than one role.

The genius Shakespeare discovered that each of us can play many roles that define our unique self. The boss at work, the driver on the way home, the fanatic at the TV, the lousy janitor in his room … And among the most important roles in our repertoire are sexual roles.

By eavesdropping, reading and just watching other people, we learn that there are "sex mattresses" and "sex regulators", "sex corpses" and "sex killers", "sex saleswomen" and "sex provocateurs", "sex quitters" and “Sexual libertines” … To describe sexual roles, many metaphors are used to “grasp” the specifics of sexual behavior in a concise and succinct form.

But here's the problem: there is a description, but there is no training! Sexual behavior is not taught at home or at school. Unlike other spheres of life, where from early childhood we receive comments - feedbacks - on our actions, appearance, manners and adjust them ("Girls don't fight!", "Boys don't cry!", "It doesn't suit you", “It’s indecent to behave like that”) in the field of sexuality, no one comments on our behavior. And we freeze very early in our development.

Is what we do good or bad? Right or wrong? Is it possible or not? God knows … And it happens that the professor leaves the clever, beautiful wife for the housekeeper, because in bed it is she who is the professor, and the wife was taught that “lady doesn’t move” - a real lady doesn’t move in bed …

Due to the scarcity of the sexual role repertoire, families collapse, people who love each other part, destinies change abruptly.

It is sad and surprising - after all, all this can be learned! If a girl does not know how to cook, and it is important for her chosen one that there is a homemade pie on the table, she learns to knead the dough and make the filling. If a man tells a girl: “I am an old soldier, Donna Rosa, and I don’t know the words of love,” and she needs these words, he learns to say them. If … But what is there "if" - you can agree on everything, provided that you understand who you are and who you can become.

Imagine that you cook the same dish every day and feed it to your husband. After a while, he will howl and either go to eat somewhere else - in the dining room, to his mother, to relatives, or insist that you diversify the menu. And in sex? Think about your sex with a regular partner. Does it differ in variety and culinary delights, or is there a constant list of dishes on offer?

Have you tried changing it? How do you feel about food "on the side"? All of these questions must be answered honestly. And then think: what sexual roles do you have in your repertoire?

Sexual roles appear in our life quite late and are "built on" over the already mastered social behavior. Let's try to discuss the standard, "basic" set of socio-sexual roles that are typical for each person.

So, first, let's talk about the woman. Who can she be in relation to a man?

ROLE - MOTHER

The very first female role that a child who has come to this world gets acquainted with is the role of a mother. Mother is the universe, this is life, this is love. But this is also a huge power over a man.

If your main sexual role is that of the Mother, then only the Son is suitable for you. You have a controlling stake. The mother, if she wants, will regret, agree, allow the Son to receive his sexual pleasures, toys. And if the "boy" behaved badly, he will be punished. The mother controls and makes decisions in the sexual sphere, it is she who evaluates - that is, literally puts grades on her partner.

In Man On Call, a mother-type woman says the words that should turn a man on. However, when she languidly says: "Have you ever thrown a match into the mouth of a volcano?", "Have you ever put your bicycle in an airplane hangar?" claim the mother's vagina … He came out of there, he will drown there …

Every girl has a pattern of maternal behavior before her eyes. Unfortunately, if this is the only available sexual role, sex turns into a duty, into a routine, because it will be right, on schedule and after a while it will come to naught …

ROLE - DAUGHTER

For a man, a daughter is always a little girl. No matter how old she is, five or fifty-five, she is dependent on a man. Daughters are different - eccentric and capricious, seductive and provocative - remember, for example, Nabokov's Lolita. Their characteristic feature is infantilism. It seems to a man that he has a lot of power, but often a relationship with a woman-Daughter is a relationship where "the tail wags the dog." A daughter can be very sweet and sexy - it is she who can “naively” suggest something unusual, from which a man will be delighted. She plays, has fun and has fun, but is not ready to take responsibility for a mature relationship.

It is the Daughter who will suddenly start to be capricious during sex and will want ice cream (champagne, oysters - she saw it on TV), and if she does not receive it, she will pout, take offense and go to bed. This Daughter will manipulate and do everything to get what she wants. She is playful and cheerful, she is cunning and sweet … But the Daughter is a sexually immature creature. And if you are ready to be either a strict or an indulgent Father, bearing the entire burden of a relationship, such a partnership suits you … Although at times everyone wants to have not a little girl, but an adult woman nearby.

ROLE - SISTER

The relationship of a brother-sister register is in the experience of almost every person. With a sexual partner-Sister, a man has a feeling of consanguinity. They are from the same cultural environment, they, as in Mowgli, are people of the same blood. But both psychological research and everyday experience show that between siblings - as brothers and sisters are called - there is often rivalry, which can lead to conflicts on the basis of power.

There is another pitfall in a relationship with a Sister woman. On the one hand, partners are equal, they understand each other - and that's good. On the other hand, it is very important for sexual attraction and arousal that the man and woman remain "strangers."

As soon as a sexual partner becomes familiar, understood and close, he, paradoxically, ceases to excite.

Therefore, the sexual relationship with the Sister does not last long - or it is an eternal relationship, where sex takes up very little space.

ROLE - FRIEND

This is an important character in the development of every man. She is similar to the Sister, but, unlike her, is not a blood relative. Friendship relationships are based on closeness, community of interests, and mutual understanding. Sexual relations with a Girlfriend can be deep and interesting, but still the main emphasis in them is not on physicality, but on spirituality. After all, it is not for nothing that there is a division into "girlfriends" and "girls" - with girlfriends usually do not enter into an intimate relationship. Sometimes, long-term friendships lead to great sexual relationships - if friends are able to talk about sexual intimacy.

But often in the life of a man with a woman of this type, sex generally becomes a background. Sexual relations with a Girlfriend are good when they are not important - for example, a meaningless dessert for the main dish. If sex is the first or the second for you, you will have to dine elsewhere …

ROLE - LOVER

As a Sister and a Friend, the Mistress is a character of equal status for a man, in contrast to the Mother and Daughter. As is clear from the very name of the sexual role, the main thing in a relationship with her is love in all its manifestations, primarily in its bodily aspects. You can make love with your Mistress - and you can do it with joy. The spiritual side is not so important (although it is always important, no matter how cunning we may be). But sometimes just good sex is much more important than deep communication. A lover is a woman who enables a man to feel his uniqueness and originality, his sexual attractiveness and masculine strength.

In Françoise Sagan's famous novel Do You Love Brahms? the main character, Roger, an old infantile boy, has long ceased to have a passion for the main character, Paul. For him, she is an all-forgiving mother, an understanding sister, unable to betray her daughter … And with his next mistress Mazy, he does not leave the hotel room for two days, having crazy sex. Roger cannot live without Paul, but he lacks passion and desire in her. That is why sexual relations are so important, where you can be yourself, be open with your partner and just have sex with pleasure - without commitment, without guilt, without offense …

ROLE - WIFE

This is a role where the main emphasis is on productive sexuality aimed at procreation. The wife's task is to protect the hearth, take care of the house, raise children … The wife has a lot of power over her husband, and with her he is a relative - not by blood, but by law.

In a relationship with a wife, it is prescribed to have sex, but like everything that a man has to do - as opposed to what he wants to do - sex with a wife often "spoils" for the above reasons. The social role prevails over the sexual one. The wife, as a sexual partner, should take care of her husband, so that both at home and in bed he does not remain “hungry” (otherwise he will start walking around the “canteens”).

Like everything that is done out of duty, the wife's sexuality loses a lot from this. The husband belongs to the wife, the wife belongs to the husband - no romance, no play. It is not in vain that in jokes the wife always strives to sneak away to her lover, as, incidentally, does the husband - on a business trip. Popular wisdom reflects reality - formalized sexual contact, burdened by mutual obligations, often does not bring passion and pleasure.

This is how the "basic" roles look, the rest are just "derivatives" of them. Similarly, you can describe male roles in relation to a woman: Father, Son, Brother, Friend, Lover, Husband. Some of them make good combinations: for example, Mother and Son, Father and Daughter can be a stable sexual couple. And how does the Father feel in sexual relations with the Mistress? Friend - with Girlfriend?

Alas, none of the sexual roles is perfect or capable of making a person a “universal sexual partner”

What if you understand that in sexual relations you take on the same functions, constantly play the same role? There is only one way out - to develop and change. Our resources are often "hidden" in the polar, unmanifest part of our Self.

To find them, follow a simple step. Take a blank sheet of paper and write a few words that describe you as a sexual partner. For example: decisive; knowing what I want; active; controlling. Now turn them over. What happens? Indecisive, passive, insecure, capable of giving power to a partner. Try to be like this - at least a few minutes … Try to surrender - and not control … This can be a very interesting experiment and the beginning of a new relationship.

Indeed, if in your sex there is only sex and nothing else, try to develop your Friend or Brother; if the partner has all the power, become a Mother or Husband for a while. The basis of sexual harmony is in the constant adjustment of partners to each other, in the ability to change. But the main thing is our ability and our ability to play different roles. Being "stuck" in one characteristic role impoverishes your sexual self. Think of the actors who were unable to reach their potential due to the fact that they played the same characters all the time!

Sex is the same scene and all people are sex theater actors

You run the risk of dying as a “queen-mother” without playing a mistress or a naive girl-daughter … You can be a “sexual regulator” and regulate what is happening, but do it from different role positions: strictly and severely like a mother (“I’ll give you a thousand times repeated: first excite me, and then work! "), tenderly, like a mistress (" Darling, a little more, I'm not ready yet "), playfully capricious, like a daughter (" Oh, oh, you offend me, I unpleasant, now I'll bite you for it! "). It is the genre and style diversity that makes our relationship unique and inimitable.