2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One young woman wrote me a big and indignant appeal with a desire to be the one to help her understand why “various rascals” violate her boundaries.
The girl listed in detail who and when does it, her "black list" got:
In a word, EVERYTHING that a girl encounters on her life path.
We discussed the terms of the consultation:
The conditions, which were clearly defined and spelled out, were arranged for the girl. She quickly answered the questions of the questionnaire and began to write a lot and at length to me in instant messengers, including late at night, talk about what was happening to her, ask different questions, for example:
"How can I best answer him?"
And, although we did not agree on this, in the morning or in the "windows" between consultations, I answered her that this is her relationship and everything depends on the context of the circumstances.
On the eve of the consultation, the girl wrote that she had difficulties with a bank card, asked permission to pay “for sure” tomorrow.
I agreed to accept payment 5 hours before the consultation.
When there was no payment at the appointed time, with a clear conscience she took her regular client for her time, who asked "early" because she was leaving on "her" day.
Imagine my surprise when a client who had not paid for the work began to write messages in Skype:
"Let me pay later, after consultation?"
Since I was working at that moment, I could not answer, the girl continued to bombard me with angry messages:
"Why do not you answer!"
The girl tried several times to call and write again:
"We agreed with you!"
After finishing the work, I copied our correspondence about the terms of cooperation and sent it to the failed client.
“You are only interested in money, and you also call yourself a warm and supportive psychologist,” she wrote to me
The moral of this fable is in my answer to the girl:
“For several days I answered your questions for free and in detail, and today, you unwittingly managed to go through a free exercise, I would even say training, with the help of which you can draw conclusions about why other people constantly violate your boundaries! They violate them because you are used to violating other people's boundaries yourself, regardless of the agreements or generally accepted rules of decency. I also went through a spontaneous training with you, allowing you to waste my time, and agreeing to pay for your conditions on the day of the consultation, I allowed you to break your boundaries! And now I should think about whose boundaries I recently violated?"
From my observations, unspoken the rule of boundaries, consists of a chain of cause and effect:
How boundaries are violated will help you better understand images from Irina Horde's Personal Boundaries deck
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