2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Observing what is happening in the information space (and-no, social networks, TV, an abundance of books on the topic, etc.), and considering this information flow as a kind of cut of the collective mind of our time, one can draw a very disappointing conclusion: we are all we are hostages of dense stereotypes! The stereotype function itself is certainly useful: these are generalizations that help us in our daily life. Stereotypes play an important role - they unload the brain by classifying, schematizing, generalizing and simplifying information, correlating it with some familiar pattern. Indeed, not a single person can manage in his life without certain automatisms in thinking, since none of us will have enough strength or time to think over each situation anew. After all, every time, faced with any phenomenon, the brain would have to re-create an idea about it (good-bad, useful-harmful, etc.) - and this is a gigantic work, especially when you consider that we are constantly surrounded by hundreds and thousands of different phenomena and situations. But there is also a negative trait in them - they limit our thinking and do not allow us to go beyond the usual perception of the world. For example, according to the stereotypes in force today, a REAL woman should be: emotional, weak, dependent - and, therefore, feminine.
Based on patterns and stereotypes, society creates a simplified typology of women: "woman mother", "femme fatale", "thunder baba", "predator", etc. etc. At the same time, with the naked eye, the functional task of each is visible: "the keeper of the hearth", "decoration of the living room", "promising sex" … But, if you again follow the path of generalization and simplification, then in this variety you can see two main, running in red lines, female qualities: motherhood and sexuality. A woman for the "family" and a woman for "pleasure" are two different women! Why, in the mass consciousness (fact!) - these are two characteristics that are not very compatible with each other? In understanding this phenomenon, one can turn to the logic of archetypal thinking, and consider two very familiar to us, polar archetypes: Lilith and Eve.
It is believed that the source of the myth of Lilith is in the Bible: in the first two chapters of the book of Genesis, one after another, two different stories of the creation of man are presented. First, the Lord creates from the dust a man and a woman. Then, in the second chapter, a completely different story is told about the creation of Adam from dust, about being in paradise, about the creation of a woman from his rib.
“After the creation by the Most Holy the first human being, Adam, He said:“It is not good that Adam was alone”(Gen. 2:18). He created a woman, also from the dust, and named her Lilith. They immediately scolded. She said: “I will never lie under you! He said: “I will not lie under you, but only on top of you. You should be fit (ready) to be under me, and I am on top of you. " She replied: "We are both equal, because we are both of the dust (earth)." None of them listened to the other. When Lilith realized what was going to happen, she uttered the Ineffable Name of God and flew away. Adam, however, offered up his prayers to the Creator, saying: “Master of the universe! The woman you gave me flew away from me. Immediately the Most High, Blessed be His Name, sent three angels after her. The Almighty said to Adam: “If she returns, then everything is fine. If she refuses, she will have to come to terms with the fact that one hundred of her children will die every day. " ("Back for Lilith" by Dorfman Michael).
So, Lilith was the first wife of Adam. She was created, like Adam, from clay and dust - and immediately started a dispute with her husband about equality. We are both equal, she said, because we are made of the same material. None of them listened to the other. Most peoples have myths about women's rebellion. The motives for such a revolt are also numerous. The Lilith myth is probably unique in this respect. It is difficult to remember any other myth when a woman would rise up solely in the name of equality. In the works of countless classics, the beautiful unearthly Lilith is contrasted with a simple everyday Eve as, for example, in this poem by Nikolai Gumilyov “Lilith has a crown of inaccessible constellations, In her countries, diamond suns bloom; And Eve has children and a flock of sheep, There are potatoes in the garden and comfort in the house.”… No matter how happy Adam, well-fed, kindly, lulled by Eve, at night he still dully longs for that - accursed, whose name he is does not even dare to name.
The quote taken from the LJ article very well describes the process of splitting femininity in the public consciousness: “So who is Lilith? Demon, eternally evil, or the fairest of women? Probably both together. It is thanks to this duality that the legend of Lilith continues to live; that is why every man seeks in his chosen one not only a future “faithful spouse and virtuous mother”, but also something elusive … something that distinguishes the daughters of Lilith from the daughters of Eve. What madmen and poets call "embodied femininity."
And it does not matter that the immortal daughters of Lilith - eternally seducing, eternally running away, eternally unattainable - are not able to love: but they are loved the way women, wives, completely deprived of this wonderful quality - are diligent, devoted, forgiving …
Well, men eager to give their lives for a moment of bliss in the arms of Lilith's daughters can also be understood. A person living a measured life sometimes needs strong shocks, which we habitually call "stupidity", "cruelty", "betrayal", "betrayal."
Two hypostases of a woman appear before us: Eve is a submissive wife of her husband, who agrees with him in everything, does not dare to contradict, knowing her place next to him, taking into account the history of her origin (a part of Adam's body is “his flesh of his flesh”). daring and not having the right to claim equality - by the lips of the Almighty reduced to a subordinate position (for “the husband is the head of the wife”!), and must “… be afraid of your husband”, as well as “be fruitful and multiply”.
Eve is a symbol of support for her husband, an integral part of him, a potential mother of his children, and, therefore, this model of woman's behavior in society for centuries is not only approved, but also recognized as the only correct one!
Lilith is active, active, having the strength and resources to oppose herself to a man, relying on herself, not recognizing the dominance of a man over himself. Knowing her strengths, sensual, skillfully using her sexuality. She makes tough demands on a man, and all she needs from a man is sexual pleasure. At the same time, Lilith does not allow a man to fulfill the main role in a woman's life - to become the father of her child. Motherhood makes her vulnerable and dependent on her husband, so Lilith is deprived of the joy of motherhood.
The most striking characteristic of Lilith is the desire for complete, unlimited freedom. She can refuse her husband, a man, which poses a greater threat to the very existence of a patriarchal society, and therefore, this female hypostasis from time immemorial has been condemned, not accepted by society, condemned and viewed as negative.
So what do we have?
The female image turns out to be split, divided into two parts. One part responsible for the characteristic qualities of Lilith turns out to be very attractive to men, at the same time frightening them: such a woman is unpredictable, competes with a man, and is out of his control. Men are thirsty and at the same time afraid of Lilith.
The second part of the feminine self is the qualities inherent in Eve. Mother, wife, fighting friend, keeper of the hearth and reliable rear, understanding, accepting, sacrificing herself for the good of the family. It is reliable, dependent, and therefore manageable and controlled. It is as comfortable and familiar as house slippers! This is stability, predictability and, therefore, security. She has always been, is and will be! Eve's main values are the well-being of the family!
Men, (due to their immature psychological characteristics, defenses) splitting the image of a woman, unable to integrate in their perception different hypostases of a woman into one image, prefer to divide women for themselves into Lilith and Eve, taking on the side what is lacking with the main partner, for example, forming a classic "love triangle", so exhausting everyone, and not bringing in the end satisfaction to anyone!
Women, (for all the same reasons) also, in the process of splitting, ignore one of the parts of their I, identifying with another, more acceptable (Eve-wife, Lilith-lover), thereby depriving them of the opportunity to be one harmonious whole.
Losing the energy of Eve, a woman is deprived of the opportunity to know the happiness of a full-fledged marriage. Ignoring the energy of Lilith - a woman blocks the energy of sexuality and healthy aggression, which is necessary for personal development.
The conflict between Lilith and Eve is a conflict between absolute freedom (read loneliness) versus absolute connection with a man (read addiction). At the same time, the unrecognized part is experienced as a loss of oneself, one's desires, ignoring one's feelings and needs. Fixation on only one of the roles also encourages the woman to participate in the "love triangle" performing the function that the couple lacks.
The passage of therapy allows us to consider how the process of splitting is formed at the individual level, what affects this process, how it is implemented in the life of a woman, and also allows you to integrate the split parts of yourself into one whole. Acceptance of all aspects of your Self in equal proportions is an opportunity to become yourself.
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