2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"Life scenarios are what we choose, but we can not choose!"
Claude Steiner. Eric Berne School
In this article I want to talk about one of the tools that I use in working with my clients. This method allows you to discover and explore the scenarios and roles that people live, to understand what impact the scenario has on their lives, and also to find out why at a given point in time a person cannot increase the level of efficiency and success of his life.
Eric Berne, the creator of transactional analysis, owns the idea that people's lives are planned out in advance and written into a "script" that they follow throughout their lives.
A child, performing any actions, is engaged in the study and knowledge of the world around him. Observing the natural manifestations of a child, parents react differently to his behavior. Based on these reactions, the child draws certain conclusions about what the world is and what it is like in this world. Many children love their parents because they don't know any other love yet. From a feeling of love for parents, a child has a desire to please them. A child driven by the desire to please, while still not having any restrictions (fear, shame, guilt, beliefs) will manifest in different ways and perform many different actions. Based on his experience, the child will strive to choose those manifestations and actions to which the parents will react positively, i.e. those manifestations and actions that will find support in the world.
Parents, approving or disapproving of the child's actions, tell him not about his manifestations and actions, but about himself, who he is in this. For example, not about his “right” or “wrong” actions, “worthy” or “unworthy” actions, but about him, “what” he is in this, “bad” or “good”. The child literally perceives the comments of his parents about who he is, and, in most cases, agrees with them, taking the spoken words for "truth", and further believes that he is.
When a child listens to fairy tales, watches cartoons or movies, reads books, he associates himself with one of the characters in which he recognizes himself: “This is about me!”. The child, choosing the image of the hero, necessarily adapts all the features and circumstances of the character's lifestyle to his life, thus transferring various models of behavior of the heroes into his life.
Parents want their child to be “happy” in the role they want for him, in accordance with their ideas about the “right” life for him. Many of the children choose to trust and agree to live the life that their parents wish for them. In making this choice, the child also chooses to live in the way that his parents own. From their own experience, children get what they wanted and what their parents saw their happiness in. If children receive something that does not make them happy, some choose to blame their parents for it, who so persistently wished them “their parental happiness,” others choose to look at it as knowledge based on their life experience. Children find out that their happiness is different from their parents' understanding of happiness. This knowledge enables a person to free himself from the scenario he chose in childhood and grow as a person. To begin to “program” his own life, to “connect” to his life, in order to realize the task for which he came into this world.
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