Psychotherapy. How It Works

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The question of how the trauma of abandonment is treated inspired me once again to think about psychotherapy. For me, psychological help is a practice of acceptance. The principle is quite simple. In a sense, the client pays for the foster parent. This does not mean at all that having paid for the session, you can do whatever you want and expect that very ideal unconditional love. But here is a large enough dose of patience, understanding and interest in oneself, the client usually receives

Not every session requires lulling, sometimes it’s frustrating for the client when I have an intuitive sense that it’s timely.

Why can't a regular relationship (or always can't) heal the trauma of rejection?

Yes, you are tormented to forgive the constant tests "for love" by a doubting person. One or many times he was betrayed by close people.

Why would he be kind, open and adequate? So that's all clear. So, they say, her mother did not love, and dad was cruel to him, but when from time to time you encounter depreciation in various forms, then, in the end, (or even very soon) you will want to get rid of the role of a nanny for such an adult.

Yes, you respect his wound, but why the hell in your free time from work to endure corrals and whims in large quantities? Sometimes it is the number of conflicts that "breaks" the relationship. Or they dry up on the basis of mutual closeness and lack of exchange of feelings, thoughts, pleasant deeds.

And the heavier the wound, the deeper it is, the more sophisticated such a traumatic person "takes revenge" on his parents through a partner. The essence of his behavior is as follows: "accept me in any form, prove your love."

And since partners usually choose their loved ones with approximately the same severity of injury, it turns out that two people exhausted with narzan meet and demand to take each other on handles. Moreover, both of them have weak and childish hands, there is no strength there to carry someone to a brighter future. I would have raised myself to my feet. Sooner or later, disappointment sets in, and then a new partner is sought. As you can imagine, such a story can go on indefinitely, because if there was a problem with trust and acceptance, then the relationship sooner or later cracks from an overload of expectations from each other. This good is not enough. Neither the first nor the second participant. There is a lot of anger and childish grievances.

What happens when interacting with a psychologist

These relationships, unlike spontaneous interpersonal relationships, begin with agreements, which make this connection more secure. Gradually, meeting after meeting, a relationship of trust is established. A favorable experience appears - "they love me" (there are a lot of theories in the books, it doesn't help much). Tears, weakness, imperfection are allowed. Something inside softens. Here it is important to feel, to live these relationships.

Yes, just as in personal relationships, sometimes tests begin in a therapeutic relationship. The client tries to move the boundaries (late or late in sessions), provokes a conflict - “leave me” (to act out the trauma of rejection), is disappointed in professionalism, accuses that “you are with me only because of the money”. Or "as I entered, I immediately realized that I was superfluous in this room." Or he doesn't really make contact, he rejects himself, "let her guess herself."

The client uses a variety of tactics. Can be silent, rude, flatter, threaten, manipulate. In general, he does all his miracles that prevent him from building relationships with other people. And these are the important points - to accept a person with his wounds, which rule this kind of behavior. Since the communication time is limited and paid for, this creates some framework for such, at times, difficult interaction.

Thus, brick by brick, a new building is being built. The client tries himself, sees that the old communication models are not very successful for building relationships. Tries new ones. Doubts, angry, irritated. She is happy with her successes and her discoveries. Begins to respect others more (this goes through a psychologist) and automatically transfers this feeling to himself. He accepts himself more and more, since what he said ceases to weigh on and seem to be a dividing wall between the client and other people. Shame is accepted, guilt is accepted, aggression is accepted, lies are accepted. Can I get that much, the client asks? Exactly as much as I can stand.

The admission fee makes it clear that no one owes you anything for nothing in this life. Exactly like you to someone. They can give a gift, but if they don't, buy yourself, please, what you want. Borders are being strengthened, it is already calmer to say “no” to others in case of unwillingness to do something. Life is said "yes" louder, because thanks to established contact with oneself, clear desires appear, for which there is now a resource to be fully responsible. Self-confidence appears. This is the process of restoring trust in the world through psychotherapy.