2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There is a lot of information in the Internet annals about the narcissistic character. It has been described as toxic and dangerous to those unfortunate enough to be intimate with the narcissist. He is dangerous, first of all, for the self-esteem of a counterpart, since the narcissist uses his psyche as a container for his own imperfection.
Narcissistic organized people are said to love themselves very much. However, it is not. On the contrary, I do not have them - someone to love when, instead of a genuine self, there is emptiness. And the nuclear experience is toxic shame for who you sometimes find yourself to be.
So you have to survive, protecting yourself from emptiness and shame by projecting it into others.
Such forms, in general terms, are taken by narcissism when something went wrong … In the structure of the psyche, the narcissistic takes a significant place. From it we enjoy our successes, strive to develop, explore new horizons. The narcissistic gives meaning to presenting oneself to others.
For example, if my narcissism were atrophied, I would not have the energy to share my thoughts with you here.
During the development of the psyche, there are two ages of particular vulnerability of the narcissistic.
The first - until a year, when the feeling is established - "I am, I am the whole world, and this is good" (primary narcissism). And the second - after three - "as I am, I am good" (self-esteem). If during these periods the parents invest the child's self-awareness through unconditional acceptance, adequate reflection, and benevolent communication, he will have an authentic strong I. And this is important, because it becomes the nucleus and support of the personality in adult life.
What is, in essence, a narcissistic void? (my understanding)
Primarily it is the experience of the absence of an object. More precisely, the lack of reflection in the eyes of the object. Moreover, the reflection of the exact, coinciding with the true state of affairs, giving a feeling of recognition, live contact.
When not emptiness, then what? Feeling warm, firmly supported, recognized and accepted. When I am - it's nice. Sometime past in the experience of interacting with a reasonably good mother.
A good enough mother, according to Winnicott (the author of this term) - one who gives the child the opportunity to nourish the needs of primary narcissism (the experience of omnipotence through the exact recognition of his own needs, and not replacing them with his own ideas) - this is how the true I is born (in another case - I false).
This is the beginning, the base, from the age of early infancy.
Narcissistic shame comes later. This is no longer an experience of sensation, but an assessment of the emerging self.
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It is possible to "fix" the narcissistic character in therapy through long and painstaking work.
Across:
- first lighting the landscape of the inner narcissistic world;
- then filling the reservoir of primary narcissism;
- and, finally, the formation of a coherent host identity.
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