Reasons For The Collapse Of Personal Life

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Why do some girls build happy relationships without problems, while others are "unlucky" all the time? Why do some guys have no end to their fans, while others cannot achieve reciprocity of just one lady in any way? And it's not even a matter of appearance. A beauty can vegetate alone, while a non-beauty has a husband who gives a bouquet of flowers every week. One got married once - and for life, the other - in another divorce. Why is it this way? What is the difference between success and failure in your personal life, and what contributes to failure?

There are the following reasons why it is not possible to build a happy, harmonious relationship:

1) Generic script / generic program

From birth, the child copies the behavior of the parents. If the parents had a negative experience of building relationships in the family, the child has a layer of negative behavioral programs. What can generic negative programs lead to?

It can be: a series of divorces, scandals in the family, beatings, infidelities, problems with alcohol, gambling, etc. What kind of programs are these? For example, the program "I am a strong woman, I can handle everything myself." What is fraught with such a program for a woman?

This is either a series of divorces, or a joint life with an infantile, weak man, alcoholic, gambling addict, gigolo. There is a high degree of likelihood that a single mother also has children who will not be able to build healthy family relationships. Children from families of alcoholics in adulthood may also have problems with alcohol or be codependent, will live with an alcoholic and save him from addiction all his life.

That is, a generic scenario is an eventful, storyline of life. And the generic program is the complex of inner deep convictions and beliefs that translate the generic scenario into reality.

The first thing we do is look at how life was going with our parents. If the parents loved each other, respected and appreciated, lived and still live together, then there is no problem. If the parents were not happy together, then we are looking for parallels between how your personal life develops and how your parents' personal life develops.

2) Own negative experience

Even if you were lucky with your family and from childhood you heard and saw how mom and dad love each other, you yourself could get the first bad experience (for example, the first love was unrequited or with a difficult parting), and then this experience began to be duplicated. That is, the point is already in those relationships that we tried to build ourselves. And this relationship brought pain and disappointment. This may be an uncomplicated relationship with the first man. Traumatic first experience of sexual activity (especially rape). Or there was a betrayal or a series of betrayals in the relationship. And then we transfer our fears of relationships with one man, with whom it did not work out, to all other men. Any unsuccessful experience must be worked through, get rid of it, this is an extra burden in our life, which will not allow us to build successful relationships in the future.

3) False, limiting beliefs: "they change everything", "men are goats", "I plow alone, but they ride on me", "it's easier for one", etc.

Limiting beliefs are those beliefs that conflict with your desire to enter into a relationship, in which there is an internal conflict between the desire to create a happy personal life and an internal belief about it. For example, such is the belief “All couples break up sooner or later, the divorce rate is high, there are no guarantees that my marriage is an exception”. In short, "Everyone gets divorced." This belief could have formed as a result of family history (if mom and dad divorced), or from observing girlfriends, or even just watching TV, TV shows, films, series. But as a rule, the roots of such beliefs are in childhood.

4) Fears

Fear of losing independence, fear of not being successful as a wife, fear of losing oneself in marriage, dissolving in relationships, fear of having children, fear of being abandoned, abandoned, fear of betrayal, fear of the collapse of a relationship, and other fears.

Fear is the root cause of limiting beliefs, and beliefs emerge from fear.

5) Hidden benefits

There are also hidden, often unconscious, benefits of being single (secondary benefit): - you don't have to get up early to cook breakfast for your husband;

- no need to report to anyone, live for yourself;

- unlimited meetings with girlfriends;

- wherever I want, I go there, what I want, I do;

- no need to engage in cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning (all this is done only for yourself);

- a lot of free time for your hobbies, hobbies;

- plan your daily routine just for yourself;

- you can go on dates, accept the courtship of men, flirt, flirt;

- you can throw things around, make a slight "creative" mess.

Try to analyze for yourself, what will you lose if you arrange your personal life? What will you lose?

6) Low energy

A rotten look, a tired gait, a dead face do not really contribute to the appearance of interest and sympathy for you from the opposite sex. Emotional burnout from work, chronic fatigue. It can be elementary avitominosis, it can be depression, when the internal charge approaches zero.

The look should burn, the gait should be flying, the smile should be enchanting!

7) Lack of a correctly formulated goal

Why do you need a man? To help solve your financial problems? To solve the housing issue? For someone to love and care for? To have a baby? Such attitudes do not contribute to the arrangement of a happy family life. Wrong motivation is the first crack in the foundation of a relationship.

When a woman does not know why she needs a man, it is very difficult for her to find a suitable man. When he does not know what functions and tasks a man should perform in a relationship. When a woman does not know why and for what a man is needed, how she wants to feel in a relationship, she will inevitably be disappointed in her every next partner.

8) Unwillingness to let go of old, obsolete relationships

Precisely reluctance, not impossibility! Relationships that lead nowhere need to end. If the place is occupied, then it will be very difficult for something new to appear in your life. This also includes unrequited love, long-term loyalty to a married man.

In order to let new love into your life, you need to make room for it.

9) Self-doubt, low self-esteem

Lack of respect for oneself, for one's life, for one's body, for one's desires, dislike for oneself. Often from clients I hear a phrase like: "First I want to meet a man who will love me, then I, through his love, will learn to appreciate myself." But this does not happen, alas, it does not work. An insecure woman will attract an equally insecure man into her life!

Like attracts like. And even if outwardly such a man seems charismatic, but inside he will have exactly the same emptiness. He will compensate for his lack of self-confidence at the expense of his partner - humiliation, insults, trampling his woman in the mud, lowering her self-esteem to the level of the plinth. Weak people raise their self-esteem artificially - by belittling others.

10) The guilt complex

Guilt before parents for leaving them, you will have to see them less often. Guilt before the child from the first marriage for "cheating on dad", for the fact that now you have to devote less time and attention to the child. Or a feeling of guilt for anything, for any of your misdeeds, mistakes in the past. And the absence of personal life is like self-punishment. Its own self-imposed penalty.