The Shocking Truth About How To Forgive An Offense

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Many of us have long-standing ossified grievances against our loved ones, relatives, parents, friends, spouses. This article will reveal the shocking truth about how to actually forgive and let go.

So what is forgiveness, letting go? It means burying the relationship, burying the person you knew before. What is meant? Not in fact, of course, to bury, I'm not telling you now to go and kill this person, but metaphorically, in my head. We are now about your inner feeling, attitude towards this person, the image of this person, about your image of relations with him. After all, in fact, resentment is the realization that a person did not live up to your expectations, what you wanted, what you demanded from him, etc. And then your task is to see this person as real. He simply does not have what you wanted from him. He does not have those qualities that you saw in him for some reason. Yes, it turns out, this is a different person.

And then your task is to cope internally with this frustration that the person is not so kind, warm, attentive, caring, etc. In fact, the work of grief is taking place. Resentment is experienced, like grief, the whole spectrum of feelings of grief. First shock, then anger and powerlessness, suffering and then integration - acceptance of the situation as it is. Yes, this person is not kind, he does not have as much warmth to give me as I need. Either this person does not want to give love, warmth, care, and this is also his right.

When it comes to resentment of parents, of course, the difficulty is stronger. In this case, the experience of grief is about the same, but it takes a lot of time to work out this resentment. For example, it will take a spouse about a year to experience resentment, like grief. And the worries about your parents will last much longer, the same time as they hurt you. In this case, grievances can be quite natural. Parents had to provide love, security, secure attachment, emotional care, emotional inclusion, worrying about you, asking you as you as a person, and not just cramming your thoughts into what you need and don't need to do in life. All these things, of course, can be offended for a very long time, for years. Remember, analyze, synthesize and sort through these situations. But this is a very important process. Your task is to accept your parents as they are and not to react painfully to them. This, ideally, you will eventually come to when you let go of this resentment.

Also, if the resentment against your spouse does not go away for a very long time, then this may indicate that you are projecting onto him or her the needs that you wanted from your parents. From mom or dad, but more often from mom. Because our aspirations, the hopes associated with mom, are much stronger emotionally. They are very closely related to the very fact of attachment.

Therefore, when we meet our spouse or spouse, we function at some superficial level for a while. Then our inner children meet, and an attachment appears that reminds us of all these needs, hopes and aspirations that were for mom. Now they are addressed to another person, no matter what gender he is. All the same, you want care, love, attention, warmth, etc. These are natural desires. You have the right to want love, attention, care. It's another matter when this feeling is painful. It turns into resentment and eats you from the inside. And you need to work with this in more detail.