10 Rules Of French Working Moms

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Video: 10 Rules Of French Working Moms

Video: 10 Rules Of French Working Moms
Video: 10 Tips For Working With French Colleagues | The French workplace 2024, March
10 Rules Of French Working Moms
10 Rules Of French Working Moms
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Everyone who has children dreams that they would sleep at night, accept the word "no" without hysterics, behave decently at a party and in restaurants, and eat what is prepared for them with appetite. And it would be good if they did all this not only under my mother's sensitive guidance, but also independently. Because it's time for mom to go to work, or she has already left, or did not leave work at all.

The author of the absolute bestseller - "French children do not spit the food" American Pamela Druckerman has convincingly proved that French parenting methods help to cope with most parenting nightmares. She has formulated 10 of the most important French rules for working mothers. Exclusive tips from a successful writer and mom of three in our gallery. And as a bonus - a recipe for a Parisian dessert loved by children of all ages.

1. Perfect moms don't exist

A working woman always strives to embrace the immensity: to be an ideal mother and at the same time to make a successful career. In fact, she works in two shifts - in the office and at home. I think all career moms are familiar with this feeling. So, French women have a favorite aphorism: "There are no ideal mothers." Don't try to be perfect. And this is the most important fundamental idea.

Also, do not perceive the childhood of a child as the beginning of a marathon, the finish of which is admission to the university. The French, of course, want their children to be successful, but they do not try to force the child to go through the natural stages of development in the evenings after work. For example, a child is not taught to read and write until the age of six. French women believe that it is much more important to instill in the child such skills as concentration, sociability and self-control before school. Firstly, it does not require any specially allotted time, but is simply an integral part of the upbringing process. And, secondly, it is these abilities, and not the ability to count to a hundred and back at three years of age, that create a solid foundation for the child's academic success.

2. You must always have your own source of income

In America, for example, it is customary to believe in a fairy tale about a wonderful marriage as synonymous with a calm, carefree life. The main thing is to get married successfully and get a good husband with a stable salary, and there you don't have to work. It's not like that in France. French mothers are convinced that a woman absolutely needs her own source of income. Even in the most successful marriage with a wealthy and loving man, a woman should think: "What if one day everything collapses?" She must have a profession, job, or any other stable source of income just in case. French mothers are sure: this is extremely important, and above all, for the child. The Frenchwoman quickly goes to work after giving birth, because she wants to know for sure that she can provide the child with everything necessary if she suddenly has to raise him herself. This position is extremely pragmatic and there is not a drop of French romance in it, but it is very helpful to live.

3. You can not devote your whole life to a child

Maternal care of children is a great illustration of the principle of infinity. We will always try to help them, always. This is such a voluntary eternal sacrifice. But at the heart of French culture is an extremely important idea: any person (and especially a parent) needs time and space only for themselves. Moreover, it stands out not according to the residual principle: if I do this, this and this to the children, then at the end of the day I will allow myself … Or: only when I have done everything possible for the child, I will allow myself … No, in no case!

To maintain balance in the family, it is extremely important that some part of life is only yours, belongs only to you. It can be work, although it doesn't have to be. It can be any of your hobbies, or communication with friends - whatever, I don't know, growing orchids. The French are deeply convinced: if you devote all your time to a child, if your world revolves around him, it is very harmful and even dangerous, first of all, for the child.

4. Moving away from your child from time to time makes you a better mother

If a child gets used to the fact that you are always with him, all the time involved in what he is doing, and live with him every second, he will not learn independence. Moreover, he will not learn to be attentive to other people, to notice their needs, he will not learn to empathize. Any Frenchwoman intuitively feels: from time to time moving away from the child, she renders him an invaluable service.

It is very important to understand that this is not some kind of radical position. In no case do I urge Russian women to immediately give up everything, go to a spa resort for three weeks, take care of themselves and forget about the child. It's about calmly admitting that if you spend all the time with someone - no matter how much you adore each other - sooner or later you will start to annoy each other. And this does not only apply to you, it also applies to your child.

How effective this simple rule is to rest from time to time from each other, I literally just experienced on myself. One of my five-year-old twins and I were on vacation with my mom last week. She left with him for two or three hours, and when we met again, we were so glad to each other, we had something to share. Short separations bring freshness to the relationship! It is always a new experience and impressions, it is a breath of mountain air, a source of energy. And this is a necessary condition for the strength of any human relationship, including the relationship between mother and child.

5. Forget about feelings of guilt

There is no point in feeling guilty towards your child for working. This is a completely destructive feeling that will not change anything anyway. You still won't have more time to communicate with your baby. The main thing you can do is to truly be with the child when you are free. Not just being there for a walk, chatting on the phone with a friend, but actually spending time with your child. You shouldn't worry about your baby all the time when you are at work, you shouldn't reproach yourself for being not only a mother, but also a colleague, girlfriend, wife. The only thing that you, perhaps, owe your child, when you are with him, is to be calm and to be “here”.

Also, nurture patience in your children. I used to think that this is an innate skill, which is either there or not. The French, on the other hand, perceive patience as a kind of muscle that can and should be trained, and from a very early age. Do not jump up from the table if you are working, and the child asks to see which tower of blocks he built. Explain gently to your child what you are doing and ask him to wait a little. At first he will wait a few seconds, but then minutes. He will learn to entertain himself while waiting and deal with his disappointment. For a child, this skill is vital, the French believe, - this is the only way he learns that he is not the center of the universe, and learns to grow up.

6. Don't Become a Taxi Mom

This rule is directly related to the previous one. Do not seek to compensate children for their own absence with a huge number of circles and developmental activities. Parisian women, when choosing extracurricular activities for children, always weigh how it will affect the quality of their own life. A mother who takes a child from one circle to another all day will never be called selfless in France. Moreover, they will not appreciate it if she does it to the detriment of her work.

They will say about such a mother that she has completely lost her sense of balance. And children do not need such sacrifice at all. Of course, it is useful for a child to go to the pool or to music lessons, but they must certainly have time for independent games at home. Excessive psychological and physical stress will harm the child.

7. There is a part in a parent's relationship that the child does not participate in

Never forget that a family is at the heart of a married couple. Always take time to be with your husband alone. In France, all parenting space belongs to the child only for the first three months. By analogy with the presidential term, the French call this period "the first hundred days." At this time, the child can sleep in the same room with the parents and even in their bed. But after the baby is taught to sleep in his crib and in his room. Your marital bedroom should be a place that belongs only to the two of you. Children cannot go to their parents whenever they want. The child should know for sure - the parents have a part of life in which he does not participate.

A French woman once told me: “My parents' bedroom was a sacred place in the house. We needed a very weighty reason to go there. There has always been some kind of connection between the parents, which seemed like a great secret to us children. It seems to me that this is very important for the baby. After all, if he believes that he already knows everything and there is nothing mysterious in the adult world - why should he grow up?

8. Do not demand from your husband equal participation in household chores and childcare

Even if you work as much as your husband (and even if you work more), do not demand that he devote as much time to home and children as you do. It will not cause anything but discontent and irritation. Unlike, say, American women with their feminist attitude, French women are very much helped out by old-fashioned pragmatism. Of course, many Parisian women would gladly put more housework on their husbands, but many mothers have long accepted the inequality in the division of responsibilities. And it makes life easier for them.

General harmony in relationships for French women is much more important than equality in rights. They perceive men as a separate biological species, even the best representatives of which are naturally incapable of household chores.

This does not mean that men do nothing. French mothers believe that there will be fewer conflicts in the family if everyone has their own responsibilities at home, albeit unequal in terms of effort and time. Don't ask your husband more than he is willing to do for you. Better to hire a housekeeper to come and have sex yourself.

9. Evening is adult time, and one day off a month is your "honey weekend"

All French parents I know free up weekends just for themselves once a month. Neither work nor children participate in this. Put things aside, send the children to their grandparents, take the kids with a nanny out of town, or go out of town yourself. Lie in bed, get some sleep, have breakfast long and with pleasure, watch a movie … Allow yourself to relax and do nothing.

This homemade honey weekend is organized once a month by all French parents. And most importantly, they do not feel the slightest remorse about this at all. This is an absolutely natural and normal pastime even for very loving parents.

The rest of the time, French parents are very strict about ensuring that their children go to bed at the same time. After the evening fairy tale or lullaby, the child should lie in bed. "Adult time" is not a hard-won rare privilege, no, it's a basic human need, parental rights, if you will. The French are convinced that happy and loving parents are the key to a happy family. Explain this sincerely to your children - they will understand.

10. The boss is you

This is the most difficult (at least for me personally) rule of French upbringing. Realize that I make the decisions. I'm the boss. Not a dictator - this is essential (!) - but a boss. I give children a lot of freedom where possible, I take into account their opinions and listen to their desires, but I make the decisions.

Remember this. You are at the top of your own family pyramid. Not children, not your parents, not teachers or nannies. You and only you are in command of the parade.

Of course it is difficult. This is a daily struggle. I still conquer my little army over and over again every day. But now I know for sure that children develop better within clearly defined boundaries. They feel much more confident and relaxed when they know that an adult is at the helm.

Learn to say "no" strictly and confidently at key moments. Learn to calmly but firmly tell the children what you will do now. You will immediately understand when you succeed - you yourself will feel like a boss

Based on the article by Natalia Lomykina

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