SEXY FANTASY

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"I think you're just being stupid. Would you rather I slept with Robert Redford dreaming of you?"

Playboy, November 1977.

Most people already have sexual fantasies from childhood, which perform various functions and cause a varied spectrum of reactions.

Some fantasies are pleasant and joyful, while others are disturbing and perplexing. A favorite fantasy plot communicates something important about mental organization, needs, and psychological problems. The unconscious, through plots and images of sexual fantasies, gives signals not about sex, but about completely different important things that need to be paid attention to.

In order to fantasize, you need to have imagination, creativity and play. However, when fantasy becomes the main regulator in a person's life, the game element can disappear. In this case, a person practically does not differ from a gambler who starts playing for fun, gradually turning into a slave to his passion.

Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish sexual fantasy from sex drive. Just as hunger and thoughts about food can merge, so sexual urge can merge with thoughts of how to obtain sexual gratification.

Sexual fantasies arise in different settings and under different circumstances. Sometimes a person deliberately invokes these imaginary interludes in order to distract a little from some boring activity or to cause excitement. In other cases, such fantasies emerge in the mind, seemingly randomly, perhaps under the influence of thoughts and feelings in which the person is not aware.

The primary source of sexual fantasy, if it can be found at all, may be a book read, a movie, or a real event. When this kind of fantasy seems pleasant, comfortable and easily arouses, the person returns to it again and again. However, it is not entirely clear what exactly underlies this preference.

In some cases, the sexual arousal caused by fantasy, in others - pleasure, has more to do with the "role of the director": the ability to control the plot and the actors. Another form of preferred fantasy is the frequent use of the same theme.

The preference for certain fantasies can have at least two types of negative consequences. Firstly, numerous repetitions of only one fantasy sometimes leads to the fact that it becomes necessary for the emergence of sexual arousal: a person ceases to respond to his partner, tk. sexual arousal develops in him only in response to fantasies. Second, it is possible, although rarely, that preferred fantasies turn into obsessions and cause disturbances in thought or behavior.

Many people treat their fantasies as a personal matter and do not tell anyone about them. However, it is believed that by telling your partner about them, you can strengthen intimate relationships. There are cases when, after a long-term relationship, partners suddenly discover that both have fantasies about the same topic. They did not tell each other about it for fear that the partner would be embarrassed, offended, or not want to "play". Sometimes the fantasies of two people in an intimate relationship are complementary: for example, one fantasizes about being spanked during sexual intercourse, while the other would like to spank himself.

At the same time, many note that after they shared their most vivid sexual fantasies with their partner, their arousal power disappeared.

Not all sexual fantasies are voluntary and not all enjoyable. Some appear over and over again, although they are not at all desirable; others invade a person's consciousness, frightening and creating inner confusion, a sense of guilt. Fantasies of this kind can cause either sexual arousal or anxiety that suppresses all sexual feelings.

Typically, involuntary fantasies, including situations or behaviors that the person considers abnormal (but arousing), also feature imaginary punishment or bodily harm as payment for sexual excesses.

The punishment woven into fantasy is very diverse - from physical ailments (for example, a venereal disease) to the appearance of strangers in the midst of sexual activity, arrest and imprisonment, or the loss of the ability to receive sexual satisfaction due to some kind of misfortune.

Sometimes involuntary fantasies create problems in real life: a person begins to avoid sexual activity, experience feelings of sexual guilt, or he develops a sexual disorder.

Sexual imagination serves a variety of purposes.

Fantasies can boost self-confidence, act as a safety valve for pent-up feelings, heighten sexual arousal, or give a sense of victory over the forces that cause trouble in everyday life.

So, one of the functions of sexual fantasies is to induce or increase arousal. In many cases, fantasies are used to induce or intensify sexual arousal; they are usually resorted to during masturbation in the absence of a sexual partner, but also, and very often, in the process of partner sexual activity. Some people need fantasies as an initial stimulus for arousal; others - for the transition from a leisurely and low level of arousal to a more passionate state.

Sexual fantasies enhance both the psychological and physiological sides of the sexual response in many ways: counteracting boredom, concentrating thoughts and feelings, increasing self-esteem (in fantasies, you can endow yourself with any physical dignity and not worry about the size of the penis, bust or abdomen) and allow you to see in your imagination of an ideal partner, satisfied in all respects.

Sexual fantasies create a safe, secure environment that frees imagination and feeling. They are already protected by the fact that they are unknown to others. Since they are unknown to anyone, they cannot be detected, and their fictional nature eliminates personal responsibility.

If we take into account that sexual fantasies are mostly associated with situations and behaviors that, if they were real, could be regarded as unacceptable, then the need for safety as a background against which arousal arises becomes clear.

A humble university professor can dream of orgies with three female students in the front row of a classroom without risking his position or reputation. A fantasized teenager can devise plans to kidnap his best friend's mother without fear of parental anger or the loss of a friend. This element of security provides the attractiveness and power of erotic fantasies.

Fantasies of all types act as psychological safety valves to release internal tension or satisfy needs in a relatively painless way. In your fantasies, you can take revenge for real or imagined grievances, defeat fear and compensate for any shortcomings that cause trouble in real life.

In most cases, fantasies serve as a way to anticipate an upcoming event and prepare yourself for what to expect and how to proceed. This function of sexual fantasies is very important, especially in adolescence and for people with limited sexual experiences. Being able to imagine oneself in the course of a particular sexual activity (for example, during oral-genital sex) allows one to anticipate some of the problems that may arise.

By playing a scene several times in his fantasies, a person can figure out how to minimize difficulties, and can even partially rid himself of feelings of awkwardness, embarrassment or surprise. By using fantasy as a rehearsal, a person feels calmer and more confident.

Many people misunderstand the nature of sexual fantasies, believing that these fantasies express a desire to actually participate in the imagined situation or experience it. Well-known sexologists Masters and Johnson have shown that most people with fantasies do not feel like fulfilling them. In addition, it was found that the content of the most common fantasies of heterosexuals and homosexuals is largely similar. Homosexuals often fantasize about heterosexual situations, while heterosexuals, on the contrary, fantasize about homosexual acts.

Sex differences in sexual fantasies

Previously, it was believed that men have sexual fantasies more often than women, and that women are more "calm" than men. This point of view reflected the idea that women are less interested in sex than men, but they are more interested in interpersonal relationships. Masterson and Johnson argue that men and women differ little in the nature of their fantasies. The notion that women do not have such fantasies is now obsolete. The changed attitude towards sex and the greater availability of detailed information on sexual topics for women have led to the fact that their fantasies have become bolder lately.

Below is the frequency of occurrence of various plots in sexual fantasies (in order of decreasing frequency).

Heterosexual man

one. Replacing a permanent partner.

2. Forced sexual intercourse with a woman.

3. Monitoring sexual activity.

4. Homosexual acts.

5. Participation in group sex.

Heterosexual woman

one. Replacement of a permanent partner.

2. Forced sexual intercourse with a man.

3. Monitoring sexual activity.

4. Idyllic meetings with strangers.

5. Love dates with lesbians.

Homosexual man

one. Pictures of male genital organs.

2. Violent sexual acts with men.

3. Heterosexual acts with women.

4. Idyllic dates with strangers.

5. Participation in group sex.

Lesbian

one. Violent sexual acts.

2. An idyllic date with a regular partner.

3. Heterosexual acts.

4. Memories of past sexual experiences.

5. Sadistic scenes.

Content of sexual fantasies

Experimenting - the largest and most popular fantasy group, in which almost everything can be included. It consists in imagining something that a person has never really done. The content of such fantasies can be completely new circumstances for a person: for example, to become a porn star, have sex in a public place, or act as a prostitute. In such fantasies, you can try unusual forms of sexual activity, such as bestiality or incest. In some cases, the sweetness of the forbidden fruit is attractive; in others, the dominant desire is to try something unknown. Therefore, fantasy experiments are often used to overcome boredom during sex.

Variants of fantasies from the Experimenting group:

Fantasy "Sex in a public place". Park benches, skyscraper roofs, stairwells, an elevator, a cinema, a fitting room … In these fantasies, it comes to the fore that the place of sexual activity must be unusual, with the obligatory risk of being seen by casual witnesses. Thus, there is an exhibitionistic component in such fantasies. Exhibitionism is inherent in men. It consists in the urge and desire to expose and demonstrate their genitals to strangers. Sexual arousal in this case appears in anticipation of exposure of the genitals, and after this event or during it, masturbation is performed, as a result of which orgasm is achieved. Exhibitionism is a neurotic symptom, behind which is self-doubt, fear of a woman, inability to establish normal relations with her. This is a peculiar form of compensatory behavior and symbolic aggression. The goal of the exhibitionist is to assert your masculinity by showing your genitals and observing the victim's reaction (fear, surprise, disgust).

The fantasy "Sex in a public place" is associated not so much with sex itself, but with the desire to shock, challenge, protest against various taboos. The appearance of a woman's fantasy about public sex can signal that it is important for a woman that others see how her partner loves her, how desirable and seductive she is.

Fantasy "Superman Sex". Psychologically immature men and male adolescents are characterized by fantasy with a touch of science fiction, in which they personify the image of superman. These are extreme sex fantasies (on an airplane wing). Typically, this fantasy compensates for the lack of male confidence. Through such a fantasy, a man feels strong and able to persuade a woman to have sex in any, even the most uncomfortable place.

Fantasy "Sex with a partner of the same gender." Some men secretly dream of same-sex sex, experts say that this does not mean at all that these men are gay. They may be bisexual, or they may be curious. It is also important in what role the man represents himself (active or passive). A man, most likely, will never dare to fulfill his fantasies (if he has not already realized it in adolescence). Homophobic sentiments in society are too strong.

If in reality a woman did not have feelings for a particular woman, she probably lacks attention, affection and tenderness in bed with a man. This desire is transformed into a homosexual image, as lesbian scenes are often portrayed as more sensual. In addition, she subconsciously believes that a woman understands better than a man how to please her. And if in sexual fantasies she presents herself in an active role, this may signal: she is not confident in her ability to please her partner.

Fantasy "Seduction of innocence". Many men are convinced that a woman remembers her first sexual partner all her life and equals subsequent partners by him. A man strives to become the first in order to assert himself, to feel like a teacher. Women also fantasize about "Harlots in Paradise". Behind such fantasies, there is also a desire to increase self-esteem, to assert itself, thanks to the fact that she was able to give a man pleasure that he did not know about. A woman doubts that she is capable of becoming the very best for a sophisticated lover.

Subordination. The core of all submission fantasies is power. Strength can be expressed in the ability to command, coerce or seduce another, involving him in a sexual relationship. Assuming the imaginary role of reigning monarch or slave owner can set the stage for obeying orders. Using non-physical force to coerce someone into sex can result in the role of a jailer, headmaster, boss, or blackmailer. If physical strength appears in fantasies, then they come under the rubric of rape or sadomasochism. The power required to seduce other people can be written into the script of almost any fantasy.

The opposite version of the same fantasy is the idea of submission to force, that is, the desire to be subordinate, weak, and tempted. The variety of roles one can think of to orchestrate such a fantasy is endless. The key point in it is the inability to resist because of fear, resignation to fate, blind obedience, economic difficulties, or the desire to protect another person.

Experts believe that such fantasies are based on feelings of powerlessness and helplessness, unconscious attempts to minimize their pain. The origins of such feelings are to be found in childhood. If parents have abused their rights to influence or control, we enter adulthood with a lack of confidence.

One type of Violence / Submission fantasy is the Domination / Humiliation theme. In this case, power is used not only to win sexually; the victim must also be humiliated and confused.

The side that personifies strength can make the victim grovel, wear ridiculous clothes, let them be shackled, do something humiliating. Excitement arises as a result of humiliation, "reduced to a state of extreme humiliation." To cope with these feelings, they were sexualized, encoded into fantasy themes. The person gets aroused by presenting their disobedience by engaging in forbidden or secret sexual acts. Or vice versa, he enjoys punishment and retribution for his actions. Can imagine being tied up and forced into sex. If you have no choice but to surrender, you can have sex without feeling guilty.

The phenomenon of sadomasochism is not entirely related to sex. Erich Fromm, who expanded the boundaries of the definition of sadomasochism to forms of its manifestation outside the sexual context, emphasized that the desire to hurt another is not essential in sadism, that its various forms have one goal - to completely subjugate another person to their power, and, therefore, the essence of this phenomenon - the joy of complete domination over another person. Moreover, the sadist behaves according to a specific pattern not only in bed, it is a special type of behavior, character. The masochist is the same aggressor, but directed at himself. Each of these people has their own history, experiences, internal conflicts.

Sadists, named after the famous Marquis Donatien-Alphonse-François de Sade, as you know, do not think of sexual harmony without causing "suffering and humiliation" to a partner. In contrast to the sadist, the masochist (the name comes from the Austrian writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch) has a passionate urge to undergo pain, punishment and humiliation himself. Since sadism and masochism complement each other, and sometimes even combine in one person, sexologists talk about a special sadomasochistic syndrome. Sadomasochism, like all other paraphilias, is rooted in the properties of normal sexuality, which often contains elements of aggression, symbols of domination and submission, and ritualization.

In sexual fantasies on sadomasochistic topics, a person imagines that he is beaten, tied, lashed, chained, spat in his mouth, handcuffed, gagged, cauterized, subjected to other tortures, or that he himself does all this on others. In these fantasies, physical strength or pain is always vividly depicted, and the excitement they cause is directly proportional to the victim's protests. At the same time, as in the case of many other fantasies, people usually do not at all strive to realize all this.

Masochism is a fantasy about being beaten, not beaten, about the pleasure of feeling bad, of completely surrendering control. Masochism, combining humiliation and pleasure in one experience, creates ambivalence and thereby avoids a one-sided attitude - too much hope for one's abilities.

Sadomasochistic fantasy occurs in both men and women. It is known that many domineering, dominant men fantasize about their own submission and humiliation, which is a kind of regression to the childhood state when the mother or father punished them.

In women, the manifestations of almost all humiliation are often symbolic. For example, masochistic behavior can manifest itself in behavior - in the demonstration of their dependence on a man, in exaggerated forms of submissive behavior. And for men, these are traditional games of masochists: he is a "servant", he is humiliated, he is whipped, insulted, kept on a leash, etc.

Sadomasochistic fantasies speak of a duality in the attitude of men to women and, accordingly, women to men. On the one hand, they want women / men, and on the other hand, they are angry that women / men have such power over them.

Of all the variety of sexual fantasies, violent fantasies are probably the most misunderstood. This is most often (not always) a female fantasy. One of the main reasons for such a fantasy is the complex nature of sexual realization, which a woman has an internal taboo on sex. Often these are women who have been taught from childhood that sex is "filth." Such a woman fantasizes about rape, or even unconsciously searches for it, because other paths to sexual intimacy seem to be blocked. In addition, such a fantasy deprives the "victim" of any responsibility for sexual actions: "I am not guilty …". By putting herself in the hands of an imaginary rapist, a woman makes him do what she really wants, but at the same time pretends to be forced to do what he wants. Often married women unconsciously strive for rape, who do not receive the necessary satisfaction in marital sex, and do not dare to cheat on their husbands due to moral principles.

In addition, such fantasies make it possible to feel sexually in demand and desired, because in these fantasies the rapist is seeking you, doing everything to have sex with you in any way.

Replacing a partner. One of the most common fantasies is imagining sex with another partner. Sometimes this imaginary partner may be a former partner, but more often it is someone who appears to be desired: a friend, neighbor, relative, teacher, salesperson, or some imaginary ideal. Some people feel embarrassed when they have fantasies about another partner during sex with a lover or spouse. Feelings of guilt arise when a person considers such a fantasy a sign of infidelity. Anyone who has ever experienced this feeling will probably be interested to know that fantasies about changing a permanent partner to another person are very widespread, so it is possible that both partners have them at the same time.

One of the variants of the “Replacing partner” fantasy is “Sex with a celebrity”. Here, an imaginary partner is selected from a public roster of celebrities: movie and TV stars, athletes, musicians, artists, writers and prominent politicians. Many women and men who fantasize about sex with a "star" want to boost their self-esteem. It is also necessary to take into account the age of the dreamer. Sexual attraction to various celebrities is most often experienced by young girls, whose problem is: “It's time to love, and who?”. Sexual energy is directed towards an unattainable object. When such fantasies are encountered in adult women, this suggests that real men do not reciprocate her or she does not know how to approach them. In addition, fantasies about sex with a celebrity in adults are a sign of psychological immaturity, poor contact with reality and a reason to take care of your psychological state.

Group sex. Another common type of fantasy is group sex scenes. Fantasies on this theme range from carefully planned orgies with friends to scenes from the life of the ancient Romans, where evenings turn into sexy Olympic games. At the other end of this range are fantasies in which a man imagines himself having sex with two women and a woman with two men. In some fantasies about group sex, the action is bisexual, while in other imaginary scenarios the act is strictly heterosexual, although dozens of arms, legs, and genitals are involved at any given moment.

Many men dream of being in bed with an extended composition: to be gratified by two women, preferably outwardly complete opposites - a blonde and a brunette, thin and plump. Such fantasies testify to the desire to be a Giant of Big Sex, a superman, a superman, both psychologically and physiologically.

Observation. Some are highly aroused by fantasy scenes in which they spy on others having sex. In its pure form, such a fantasy does not imply the participation of the observer himself in what is happening, however, he can be seen by the participants in the sexual act, or hidden from them. In variations on this theme, the observer achieves intense sexual arousal and then joins the participants. “Observant” fantasies are quite common among married couples; at the same time, one of the spouses imagines a certain scene in which he watches his spouse having sex with someone else. "Observant" fantasies are not the same as true voyeurism.

An idyllic meeting. Scenarios for Idyllic Encounters are usually based on a chance acquaintance in almost ideal conditions - a night garden, a deserted seashore bathed in moonlight, a tropical paradise where romantic attraction instantly blossoms, turning into a frenzied sexual interlude. Then the characters usually disperse in different directions, happy and unencumbered. One famous fantasy of an idyllic meeting is described in Yong's book Fear of Flight, where it was described as having sex openly. This sex wide open was more than sex. It was a platonic ideal. Unbuttoned, because when they approached each other, the clothes flew like rose petals, the linen flew away from one breath, like dandelion fluff. For real, cool sex, wide open it is necessary that you do not get to know this person too well. Another condition is brevity. Better yet, anonymity. Wide open sex is crystal clear. He is free of ulterior motives. There is no struggle in it. A man does not "take", and a woman does not "give" … Nobody tries to prove or get something. Wide-open sex is the purest thing in the world. And it is less common than the unicorn.

Literature:

Krishtal V. V., Krishtal E. V., Krishtal T. V. Sexology

Masterson W., Johnson W., Kolodney R. Foundations of Sexology

Fromm E. Anatomy of human destructiveness