Untold Tales: Women's Strategies For Attracting A Partner

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

“We choose, we are chosen. How often it does not coincide …"

Almost everyone knows the words of this song from the movie Big Change. But few people think: why? Why doesn't it match? After all, everyone dreams of a faithful, loving, kind (insert the necessary qualities), but most importantly - a suitable partner. And here such a misfortune - something does not match …

After all, people are not parts from a car, not nuts or cogs, they can adapt to each other. And, if we proceed from the idea of the possibility of mutual adjustment of partners, the task comes down to the definition of "X" at the initial stage of the relationship - the search for the right person, his attraction and retention until marriage. And then for sure - he will endure, fall in love …

But how do you choose and keep it? It's not an easy question. Even Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, wrote that when choosing a sexual object, energy (libido) shifts from the very first objects of love - parents - to a partner. And, therefore, a man is looking for a girlfriend who looks like a mother, and a girl is looking for a dad. The theory is interesting, but not 100% proven. After all, the word "similar" is very vague. How exactly should a partner be like a mom-dad? How similar is it? To determine this, it is necessary to conduct a lot of complex research. And people sometimes look at each other and understand - this is fate.

Let's try together to investigate: how do girls look for a partner? How do they make their choice? And how do they keep their chosen one? To do this, let us turn to well-known fairy-tale characters: girls who did not possess all the virtues at once, but, nevertheless, received the coveted ring on their finger.

1. "Cinderella"

This story shows how important it is to arouse a man's interest and not let this interest be immediately satisfied. This fabulous story is a science for those girls who, at the first meeting, are ready, as in a joke, “to tell everything and show everything”. And this is not always necessary!

The main character - Cinderella - is poor, physically and emotionally abused. That is why it is so important for her to break out of those monstrous conditions in which she lives.

Alina came to the capital from a small provincial town. The father drank, the family lived in poverty and constant stress. Alina understood that the only opportunity to change her life was connected with a successful marriage. She didn't have a fairy godmother, so she had to try herself. Alina studied well at school and immediately entered the university for a free department. For two years of study, she made sure that classmates are not a suitable option for her. They themselves need financial injections, and Alina barely made ends meet. She lived on a scholarship, earned money, studied decently - and watched. After a while, I looked for a man - an associate professor-bachelor, keen on science, from a neighboring faculty. He was already over 30, outwardly not handsome, but Alina was not embarrassed. She learned that he had a whole "kingdom" - a three-room apartment in Minsk. Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, does yoga - why isn't he a prince?

However, other students and colleagues constantly fluttered around the "prince". Then Alina decided to develop a strategy for attracting attention. She learned as much as possible about his habits and hobbies (football, politics, history - almost a standard set). It turned out that he is fearful, afraid of girls and always runs away from them into science. Clever Alina, this information was quite enough to develop an action plan. She found out what days the "prince" has classes, when he dines, and at the right moment sat down at his table. He was alone, which made the task easier. From Alina's innocent question: “Excuse me, can you tell me how Manchester played yesterday?” They moved on to discussing politics, and then life. A few seconds before the "prince" finished the juice, Alina excused herself and flew away. The next time he recognized her, he smiled and stopped. She was charming, talked to him for a few minutes, and, referring to being busy, ran away again. The "Prince" began to show interest. Within a month they met twice a week, but he knew almost nothing about her. On the days when he had lectures, they dined together. And then Alina … disappeared for a month. She had practice, and she barely paused, so she wanted to see him. But she was afraid to ruin everything. And she was right.

Apart from the name of her course and faculty, the "prince" knew nothing. And … he started looking for the girl. And he found it, although he had neither her shoe nor a mobile phone number.

Then everything was not like in a fairy tale, and Alina had to work hard before the stubborn, fearful and oldish "prince" offered her a hand, a heart and a residence permit in a three-room kingdom, but already in the fifth year she sported a ring on the ring finger of her right hand.

So, Cinderella has no super-mega-virtues, except for her resilience, perseverance and feminine skills in attracting attention, demonstrating interest in the chosen one and mysterious, disappearing behavior. Although Cinderella is not a purebred creature, but rather a mongrel, she knows how to arouse deep interest in her person. Some of the men “fall for” the appearance, some - on the intellect, some - on the fact that he is listened to and understood.

Cinderella's task is to stand out from the crowd, arouse interest with extraordinary behavior or appearance, demonstrate the unique quality that the prince needs - and run away. So that the prince, God forbid, does not suspect that Cinderella weaves webs. Everything should look completely random. Cinderella must awaken the prince's hunter instinct, and if she acts according to the rules, after a while the prince begins to look for his chosen one himself.

Cinderella Strategy:

1) Search for the desired object.

2) Demonstration of his uniqueness to him.

3) Arouse interest.

4) Disappearance.

5) Allowing to find yourself.

6) Wedding.

Points 4 and 5 can be repeated several times - the main thing is that the effect of novelty does not disappear.

2. "The Frog Princess"

The story is instructive for those girls who do not have flashy and obvious virtues. Let's remember a fairy tale: the father got tired of the infantile sons, and he decided to marry them. And since they almost do not care who to marry (which, really, for promiscuity!), The father invites each of them to shoot an arrow. Where she goes - there is the chosen one. The older sons had an arrow hitting the right girls in the yard, and the younger one … it's a shame to say …

In general, you don't need to be a psychoanalyst to relate an arrow to male dignity. And then it becomes obvious what is meant by "hitting an arrow": even before marriage, a girl demonstrates her capabilities in the field of sexual and erotic skills.

So, the arrow was in the mouth of the frog. Let's not joke about this, the frog deserves respect. After all, with a frog we associate such ideas as "cold", "nasty", "unpleasant". Thus, not possessing vivid external data, or, more precisely, being frankly ugly, the frog, nevertheless, finds the right way to win the youngest son.

However, in our time this is not enough: the number of divorces and partings is growing, and the frog girl needs not only to catch her betrothed, but also to keep him. Therefore, after marriage (or after the start of life together), frogs show a variety of talents. In a fairy tale, the frog surprises with a high level of development of traditional female skills: the ability to sew, cook and extract the maximum value from its appearance. Note that the wise frog enlists the support of the most important person for Ivan (her husband) - his father. After all, when a man's social environment admires his chosen one, this reinforces the man's confidence in the correctness of his choice, enhances his self-esteem, and maintains interest in her. A man becomes attached to his frog, because it is for him that she tries so hard. And then, when, according to the tale, the frog disappeared, Ivan quickly feels the difference between "life with …" and "life without …".

Maxim and Nastya met for several years. Maxim is an eccentric, selfish, picturesquely handsome man who is in a continuous search for himself. Nastya is an ordinary girl. Well … In general, not a beauty. She has a lovely figure, wonderful hair, but otherwise she is far from model ideals. Especially when he is next to the handsome Maxim.

Maxim, without hesitation, periodically informed Nastya that they are not a couple, because he is just an ideal man, and Nastya, if not a toad, then certainly no match for him. Nastya endured all this patiently. She devotedly looked after Maxim, prepared food for him, listened to all his stories and never took offense at his sarcasm about her appearance.

But the unexpected happened - Maxim wanted to shoot with his arrows, and he sent his arrow, and this arrow flew … let's say - into the yard to the girl Diana. And Maxim told Nastya that he had met another girl, very beautiful, and that he had cheated on Nastya with her. She survived that too. But when he seriously suggested that the three of them live, Nastya left - but she left calmly and with dignity.

They haven't met or called back for three months. This is how long Maxim's short-lived happiness with the beautiful Diana lasted. It turned out that the latter is capricious, capricious, stubborn and no less selfish than Maxim himself. Within a month, he began to understand that beauty in a relationship is not the most important thing, and when Diana had a row with him several times, he became wiser. It turned out that Diana was stupid - after all, she constantly hinted, or even directly informed Maxim about his unmanly behavior and unmanly earnings. Of course, she did not have Nastya's wisdom and patience (she never told Maxim the hard-hitting truth, smoothing the corners in a relationship), nor her culinary skills and cleaning skills.

After a noisy scandal, Maxim broke up with Diana, and as soon as she left him, he tried to return to Nastya. But it was not there. Wise Nastya said that she was not ready to continue the relationship in an indefinite old format. In addition, she had a man - older and not so handsome (look at the fairy tale - the character Koschei, he is a competitor). But this man considers Nastya to be a beauty, prays for her and is ready to marry even now. With him, she feels peace and confidence.

As in a fairy tale, Maxim had to fight for Nastya. After all, it’s one thing when it’s your personal "frog in a box", and another thing when it was snatched by some Koschey. The competition that Maxim entered gave him a sense of the value and importance of a girl. And all the friends-acquaintances-relatives-parents, twisting their fingers at their temples about the actions of Maxim, also made their contribution.

In general, after all the proceedings, there was a "happy end". Maxim managed to return Nastya (she, of course, did not resist very much). Nastya managed to create a respectful attitude towards herself Maxim.

At the wedding, Nastya was lovely, like all brides, next to her divinely beautiful husband. So much for your toad.

So, for a frog, appearance is not the most important thing. Her talent lies elsewhere.

Strategy of the Frog Princess:

1) Fast attack on a suitable object.

2) Winning your place near the man.

3) Formation of addiction in men.

4) Winning the sympathy of his social environment by demonstrating his merits.

5) Disappearance in response to aggressive or devaluating actions, but only after the 3rd point.

6) Excitement of competition with the chosen one with the real or virtual Other.

7) Allowing yourself to win yourself as a worthy prize.

8) Wedding.

3. "Sleeping Beauty"

The story is especially interesting for those girls who, for some reason, "missed" the golden time, when all their peers get married, and now they have come to their senses and are looking for a prince.

It is known from the tale that a girl who reached maturity was pricked with a spindle (again symbolism, be it wrong). Then she fell asleep. The man who found her was by nature a seeker, a naturalist, a pioneer. He had to wade through a dense thicket (we know what this is about), find the princess, kiss and wake her up. But, as soon as the princess wakes up, all her entourage immediately wakes up. And right there under the arms of the white - to the crown of the prince of the liberator! Kissed? Everybody saw it! And no one remembers whose spindle the princess was pricked 100 years ago. The affairs of bygone days … But you yourself made your way through the thicket - that means, as a decent person, you must marry!

Marina “slept” until she was 27 years old. That is, I slept conditionally. More precisely, I was walking. Some relationships are six months, others two months. More than one spindle pricked Marinochka. But the parents thought that their daughter was very decent. It just sometimes lives with friends, sometimes goes on business trips. And when my grandmother left the apartment, the problems disappeared altogether.

But when Marina woke up, it turned out that she was alone and no one was in a hurry to marry her. Everything seems to be there - a profession, career growth, an apartment. Still, a good peasant - so everyone got married while Marina was thinking and sorting out.

And then Marina began to develop a plan. Having met Styopa, a promising young and energetic military man, she interested him with her eccentricity, charmed with femininity. And also - the story that she is a decent girl and is waiting for her chosen one.

For several months Stepan "made his way through the thicket." Having received the coveted prize after all Marina's oohs, oohs and tears, he went with her to the registry office the next day. But somehow he hesitated … For everything to be fine, Marinochka lied - after 3 weeks she said that they would soon become happy parents … In fact, there was no child at all, but both Marina and her parents created the necessary surroundings. Within a few days Stepan became a husband. And after a while "there was a miscarriage" …

They did not have children soon, but the marriage is stable. Marina is now really "woken up" - both as a woman and as a wife and mother. It's a pity that the marriage began with deception - but Stepan does not happily know about it.

Sleeping Beauty Strategies

1) An unsuccessful sexual experience that “freezes” her, or a complete lack of attraction to the opposite sex due to physiological or psychological immaturity.

2) Awareness of the need to find a marriage partner.

3) "Luring" a partner by the need to overcome and conquer a beauty.

4) Allowing the partner to "wake up" himself (or kiss, or "prick with a spindle" - all about the same thing).

5) Giving the partner the status of a unique rescuer.

6) Creation of conditions that make it mandatory for the "rescuer" to marry a sleeping beauty.

7) Wedding.

The three fairy tales described show the importance of a flexible combination of strategies and tactics in finding, choosing, attracting and retaining a marriage partner. Having passed various "social and psychological filters", a potential marriage partner either demonstrates his suitability, or ends up in the wastebasket.

What is important to remember for a girl who chooses not a boy, but a husband?

Firstly - to make the initially correct choice. This is the most difficult part, because it requires both self-understanding and a good "express diagnostics" of the partner's characteristics.

Secondly, take on faith that any plan will require strength and energy, that ups are replaced by falls, the Fish sometimes slips off the hook near the shore, but this is no reason not to go fishing anymore.

Thirdly, analyze and understand which combination of elements will be most effective. If a partner strives for comfort and peace, then you need to demonstrate your ability to create comfort and peace. If it is important for him to be a conqueror and fight, let him compete with you as the main prize. If he wants to be a lifeguard - give him the opportunity to save you - from the flu, drowning in the bathroom, angry parents …

Strategies can change - we change too. Someone considers himself a toad, and the chosen one sees in her Cinderella. Then you need to breathe and remember that, as Shakespeare wrote, "the whole world is theater" … And to play what is so important for your main audience.