Control And Domination As A Sign Of A Dependent Relationship

Video: Control And Domination As A Sign Of A Dependent Relationship

Video: Control And Domination As A Sign Of A Dependent Relationship
Video: 8 Signs You May Be Codependent 2024, March
Control And Domination As A Sign Of A Dependent Relationship
Control And Domination As A Sign Of A Dependent Relationship
Anonim

About addictions and procrastination

There is no single possible view on this topic, there are different ones and they are legitimate. Addiction is a complex phenomenon. It is naive to count on a simple formula and a panacea. I will write about one of the views that is closest to me.

These thoughts are not new and not mine. For myself, I checked them in my gut. And it is logical for other people to think for themselves, to question, to choose their own.

Often people with a serious face declare their Internet addiction. (A choice of TV, porn, alcohol, cigarettes, sects, etc.) Others undertake to treat this misfortune. And sometimes it even works out. In this case, it happens that a person has quit smoking, but cannot get off the network. Or eats when not hungry. Or washed it down. I cured the first addiction, you can start treating the second.

And who heals how - some with fear and disgust, some with CBT, hypnosis or Alcoholics Anonymous. Not the point. And the bottom line is that often these worthy people are engaged in the fight against the consequence, leaving the reasons untouched.

In my opinion, addiction is a reaction. It is secondary and closely related to other phenomena.

It's worth starting from the beginning. From that serious face with which the person came. He presents his imperfection, says - correct me, I am broken.

There are two points here. The first is good in that a person already admits the presence of a source of the phenomenon in himself, because before he himself was nothing, and everyone around was to blame - work, wife, boss-bastard, mother-in-law, got it, midlife crisis, God punished, etc. All reasons were outside. This step (I mean) is important and huge, it all starts with it.

At the same time, sometimes a person wants to hide behind a "disease" or "addiction", behind a diagnosis tag - after all, then part of the responsibility falls on the doctor. I am sick, treat me. Right now, I'll just finish the smoke and start. Yes, and anxiety calms down, there is some kind of explanation with a smart word.

What's on the surface? Feeling - "something is wrong with me." You can call it a shame. And first it is worth dealing with this feeling, because while it is sitting, it is almost impossible to work with deeper layers. This work takes place in different ways, and can take from several days to several years. At the exit, the person does not absolve himself of responsibility, but he also does not hammer himself into the blood for the fact that he is what he is. He accepts himself here and now - at least in relation to one feature. In this sense, calls and orders - "Don't smoke" - work exactly in the opposite direction, as a rule, they are of little use.

Be careful here. The other extreme is "I don't need anyone's help, I myself." The stereotype that asking for help is not like a kid, weakness and zapadlo. I do not think so. On the contrary, I consider it strength and reason to ask for help if a person understands that he has a problem and that he cannot cope with it himself, moreover, in the process of self-healing, he harms himself and others. (In my opinion, there is also stigma, shame and fear hidden under the talk about strength and weakness).

Dependency addiction is different. Nicotine, heroin and caffeine are stimulants. At the same time, nicotine does not cause "biological dependence" like heroin. The cigarette puts off the hangover syndrome and this biological phenomenon by itself disappears in a couple of weeks. Addiction to cigarettes is psychological. It is interesting to listen to smokers, for example, that "a cigarette calms". Nafig here is a lecture that, biologically, on the contrary, a stimulant is exciting. Another thing is important here. The person wants to calm down. He's somehow not right inside.

What is being done inside - there are a lot of options. This can be anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, trauma, shame, guilt, etc. As a rule, a person does not know what it is. And he doesn't want to know, it's painful. A person replaces one with another and goes into an alternative reality. He does not want to be overwhelmed with these unpleasant things inside, but he cannot cope with them, he includes protection.

Addiction and procrastination are essentially psychological defenses by the method of substitution or, escapeism, withdrawal.

Question - from what?

You can switch to postponing here. A person reproaches himself for doing nothing, that he is lazy, gouging, etc. That there is no sense in these alternative pursuits, but he is putting off something important and meaningful.

I would like to say, dear friend, that if you do something, then you need it for some reason. Every second of his life a person is doing something and in each of these activities there is a meaning. There is no “I do nothing”, it does not exist. It makes sense to sleep, it makes a lot of sense. This is often more important than shaking the palm. There is a sense in having tea, surfing the Internet, etc. You can take this for now for granted, allow yourself and have fun. What does this lead to? Shame goes away and you can do what is inside.

Replacing one occupation with another, a person makes a choice. There is what he does and what he leaves from. You can heal what he does. And you can do what he leaves and ask - why?

The answers to this question are individual and complex. They require work, patience, often

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