Relax Your Sex

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Arina Kholina Source: snob.ru

People don't like each other. Therefore, their sex is so-so.

Not in the sense of "they do not like" when they meet or live together - and, behold, they do not like very much. And when they don't know how to be in love, they don't know how to admire, and open up, and be kind, cheerful, happy. They never know how - not in the first moment, not in a year. This turns sex into something weird. It's good if a person is very drunk - it still liberates. But even so, if he continues to behave delicately, then alienation, constraint and distrust immediately affect sensuality.

For example, a young, handsome (even very handsome) man, and smart, and, in general, sex with him is not bad. But this man is shackled. Not physically - everything is fine here. Emotionally. He has everything according to some schemes, according to his own rules. He evaluates relationships, even if they are for the first and last time today, and hangs a label on them. Digs into them, calculates. Not that one can seriously condemn for this - everyone has their own culture, but a man loses something at the same time. He doesn't get the kind of great sex he could. You know how it happens when you are a little uncomfortable all the time, and all sorts of sounds seem awkward, and the light gets in the way. This is all not very good sex. When you're good, you don't notice anything. Because this story is like with an airplane, for example, with a Boeing-737: at a speed of 220 it will take off, but at 200 it will not, although it travels very quickly.

I had one friend with whom we met only three times, after which we left for different countries. To be honest, I didn't really like him in the first minutes, and I thought that we would just have a drink, talk and disperse.

But he turned out to be so funny, so witty, intelligent, kind, sincere and open, that we had just fantastic, great, amazing sex. He fell in love with me instantly, I fell in love with him twenty minutes later. This, of course, is not the kind of love that begins a long and, God forgive me, "serious" relationship. ("Serious" relationships cause a desire to commit suicide or start killing people - they breathe a damp basement, darkness and hopelessness.) It was a wonderful love without continuation, with the understanding that we live on different continents and will not even try to meet. But this guy - he knew how and wanted to love. In the morning it seemed to me that I had known him for a hundred years, that he was a close person to me. Perhaps, with the same ecstasy as this friend of mine, I love dresses or bags, and he loves his computer, but that doesn't matter, the main thing is that we are open to feelings.

When I thought about all this, I realized that the best sex in my life was with such men. With whom you immediately feel as if you are with your best friend (not in the sense of sex, but in the state of mind). And it doesn't matter if I spent the night / morning with them or for several years.

After all, it happens that you live with a person for several years and suddenly realize that sex all this time was only slightly above average. And your boyfriend was just as wary as he was the first time. He seems to be in a bulletproof vest all the time.

It can look differently. Some always have complaints about you, even violently jealous. This is also protection. If they all the time think about whether you can cheat on them or not, then they do not really love. They simply do not have the strength to do it. They are incredulous, and love is a kind of trust, when you are so happy that there is no time to suffer and doubt.

Of course, people need sex - and they do it, overcoming their fears. But even after living your whole life, you may not understand what sex really is. A couple needs, say, several months to relax, but they have already missed the most wonderful time and immediately enter the habit phase. At some point, of course, they almost manage to catch the very same state: they are already without a helmet and chain mail, but not yet in pajamas. But this is only an echo.

Sometimes people stimulate passion with different fantasies. Some of my friends have tried all kinds of sex that only exist, in a variety of places and circumstances, but you can see from them - they do not get the pleasure they are striving for. New impressions excite them - they have "something to write home about", but it is still noticeable that they are not too happy. It's as if you are very hungry, you go to visit, and there is a lot, a lot of food, but it is not very tasty. He seemed to have eaten, but did not receive much joy.

Once I was in a sex club and it struck me how boring it was. Precisely because in such clubs people just want to distance themselves from each other, they do not want intimacy, the feeling of being in love. They want excitement. And intense arousal and good sex are not the same thing. Excitation is technical: overexcited, had sex, perhaps even had an orgasm - mission accomplished, you can go home, read the newspaper.

Of course, everyone scribbles as he wants. But after all, everyone is chasing stunning sex, everyone wants to fly to the moon, lose consciousness, experience both physical and emotional catharsis. And this can be felt only when you are not afraid of anything and do not close yourself off from anything, when it is easy for you with a person who you really like.

We are brought up in a ridiculous culture, where love is contrary, and this makes us disabled. Love as tolerance, love as overcoming and humility. And sex too. Nothing, it will be better further, we must wait. And then there are children, mortgages and other obligations. And that's why people don't expect much - some sex, some relationships, and thank God, it's better than nothing. In contrast to them, it seems that falling in love is immediately a waterfall, it will kill. Everything will go to hell. You need to control yourself, otherwise you will rush without a rudder and without sails.

Everyone probably has friends who have lived together for many years and do not engage in, for example, oral sex. They don't know what it is at all - they are so notorious. I had a boyfriend who really didn’t like blowjob, he actually tried it for the last time in his distant adolescence. We both got together in a hysterical state, it seemed to us that we love each other, but in fact there were no two people who would be less suitable for each other. It was the classic despite. And then he began to meet with one of my acquaintances - and they had such a wild passion, they loved each other so much that all prejudices flew off him.

Love (or being in love) liberates. From ourselves. Somehow this happens - maybe the feelings are so strong that it is impossible to pretend to be a bore. And, again, it doesn't matter here, it's for a few hours or years. You just need to convince yourself that feelings are not dangerous, not scary, to strip off your wretched equipment and just enjoy life, without questions, torments and doubts that multiply like some cockroaches.

Sex is Love. Amen.