Signs Of A Toxic Relationship

Video: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship

Video: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Video: 12 Signs You're in an Unhealthy Relationship 2024, March
Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Anonim

From time to time, more often than I dreamed, clients from the category "Mice cried, injected, but continued to eat cactus" visit me. Their personal life is oversaturated with tears, annoyance, anger.

Thoughts about "man" - for some reason they all depersonalize their partners, calling them "man" (I think I know why, but this is a completely different story) - so, thoughts about "man" occupy all available mental space, causing system overload and general collapse.

They come with a question similar in meaning to: "How else can I please" man "so that he doesn't get angry / stay with me / want to get married / common children / spend time together / etc.?"

In the course of further questioning, it turns out that the "person" temporarily does not work / lives with the client and at his (her) expense / drinks / regularly refuses sex / is seriously ill with VSD - substitute the necessary. And sometimes all together. At the same time, the "man", of course, loves and endures all the imperfections of my counterpart - he does so! True, he is extremely reluctant to enter into dialogues, demanding to accept himself as he is, because he has an injury / terrible experiences / terrible work / severe VSD illness - enter the necessary. From the outside, it seems, everything is clear, right?

Do you think people are unable to understand what is happening due to their extreme naivety?

It was not so. It is good to look from the outside, uninterested persons. But from the inside, everything looks not so simple.

Emotional abuse in relationships usually occurs when they have already passed the stage of first recognition and have strengthened a little. Until recently, life seemed like a cheerful duet of two - and now one of them discovers that he has long ceased to speak and steps through life carefully, like on thin ice, never knowing what and where will crack.

This form of violence (also called psychological violence) becomes available when one of the parties receives enough information about the partner to be able to control him. And to manipulate the most subtle settings of the human soul: ideas about reality and moral and ethical attitudes, including the understanding of the acceptable and unacceptable. Emotional abuse is often based on a threatening, accusatory or intimidating context that forces the victim to comply with the abuser's wishes.

All his behavior deals a strong blow to the victim's self-esteem, which over time sinks deeper into helplessness. If the situation of violence lasts long enough, the victim will lose hope and despair, in which he will see that he is able to act, even try to act, and even with all his might, but will no longer see the way. And - remember the guilt - most rapists do an excellent job of convincing the victim that everything that happens is hers, only her fault.

When I ask a person like this: "Do you understand that you are a victim of violence?" - most often I meet a puzzled look. Yes, you can be used in such a way that you yourself will not notice it. So here are the markers for toxic relationships. If there are too many of them in your life, it may be time to think hard.

Emotional abuse can take the following forms

  • Harassing or putting you in the center of embarrassing situations.
  • Constant interruption, sudden departures.
  • Hypertrophied criticism.
  • Making fun of your values and priorities.
  • Overuse of sarcasm.
  • Continuous banter or open mockery.
  • Refusal to communicate.
  • Ignoring or taking you out of the circle of common affairs and acquaintances.
  • Third-party love affairs.
  • Provocative behavior with the opposite sex.
  • Unreasonable jealousy.
  • Excessive whims.
  • Formulations like: "I love you but …"
  • Threats in the style: "If you are not … then I …"
  • Attachment prohibitions.
  • Frequent reproaches and accusations.
  • Isolating you from family and friends.
  • Control with money or lack of it.
  • Continuous calls or SMS if you are not around.
  • Threats to "get lost" or commit suicide if you leave.

People exposed to this shelling can become so vulnerable that they face the risk of an even deeper impact on the personality: memory alterations. This happens when false information is provided to make the victim question their own sanity. Impact options can range from simply denying the obvious to creating fake situations. And this is not a plot of sophisticated detectives.

Have you ever seen people who, after a difficult breakup, themselves do not understand who abandoned whom? I've done it. And what about the parents who refused child support "so as not to spoil the relationship"? That's it.

The abuser is well aware of the methods of disguise. The word "love" sometimes looks like it was simply designed for control and manipulation.

When it is not enough, another common technique is used: violent repentance, gifts and other pleasures for the sacrifice. It makes sense to take off, after all, rose-colored glasses and learn a simple truth: this is one of the standard cycles of violent behavior.

Rare moments of happiness give the victim an opportunity to cling to the hope that nothing can be changed now, and the abuser knows this.

If you suddenly find yourself a victim of violence, the first thing you need to understand is that it is not your fault.

The rapists are professionals in their field. They know that everyone has doubts - and they use them against you. They know how to convince you that you do not deserve a better attitude, that they are doing everything to help you, and most of them know how to be charming in public enough to convince those around them that they are sincere and right.

If you recognize yourself in all of the above, I have really bad news: your relationship has very little chance. Not that there are none at all, but change will require the abuser to have a level of understanding, patience and motivation that he usually simply does not have. You probably love him, but he, acting the way he acts, absolutely does not love you. And does not respect.

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, you will most likely need professional help. But not in convincing the offender that he should act differently, and not in inventing ways to appease him, but in restoring his own dignity. Actually, this is the only step that gives the rapist a rare chance to draw conclusions and try to change his behavior. Your chance is not at all rare, but quite real: to reconnect with reality and make your decisions with open eyes, with a clear head and of your own free will.

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