Fear Of Shame

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There are many phobias in the human world. In fact, every new hobby or discovery of humanity brings a new fear of it. There are common phobias, there are rare ones.

For example, claustrophobia and agorophobia are known to almost everyone. Moreover, probably everyone can remember among his acquaintances people who are afraid to ride in an elevator or fear open spaces. The more people discover in themselves one of the types of phobias, the more it is social in nature. That is, this disorder is becoming not only an exclusively psychiatric problem. Of course, there are many types of fears that are somehow psychologically understandable to us. For example, fear of snakes or spiders. Everything is quite simple here. There is a certain object that is frightening. They are disgusting to the eyes of many people and can bite snakes. It's the same with spiders. However, man is a complex creature. There are a lot of phobias that relate to certain specific situations in which a person may find himself. These include fear of public speaking, fear of blushing, etc. And there is also a group of phobias when a person is afraid to experience certain feelings. For example, fear of a situation where a person may experience fear or phobophobia. Intricate? Well, that's how it happens to people. Be afraid of fear.

Traditionally, these phobias have been viewed on an individual basis. Those. there is a certain person who suffers from this phobia, is afraid of something there, but this, in fact, does not bother anyone. And I must say that phobophobia is not such a frequent occurrence in the clinic. Recently, however, it has become clear that a group of these phobias has a serious impact on the daily life of a fairly large group of people. First of all, they call it "the fear of experiencing shame." In English-language literature it sounds like "seimophobia" from the word "shame" - shame, shame. From the very beginning, this issue has been talked about in relation to gender psychiatric and psychological issues. First of all, it was about men. It turned out that there is a fairly large group of representatives of the stronger sex who experience a serious fear of situations in which their masculinity will be called into question, and they will feel ashamed from this. Since their masculinity is a certain fad, they will see in every situation an attempt to question this quality of theirs. And to react to these attempts very aggressively. They are very worried about the question that no one would think that no "women", that they are "under the heel of his wife," that they once at least somehow correlate with the world of femininity. They can become infuriated when their wife asks them to clean up their dirty socks and throw them in the wash. Well, let alone sitting with children, changing diapers or washing the dishes and there can be no conversation. It would be like if they were asked to change their sex. The more a man fears for his image of masculinity, the more aggressively he tends to behave in personal relationships. He is very demanding of partners and does not tolerate contradictions, which seem to indicate that he is that weakling with whom you can play all sorts of games. However, contradictions often arise here. For example, he wants to feel like an alpha individual, which in battle confirms the right to a woman, but the very fact of such battles is already a serious blow to his feeling of being a man. If someone claims to fight him, then he doubts his masculinity. Still, it is a little scary for them to fight with other males for status more often. they are not sure of themselves. But to assert your masculinity in the family is welcome. Here you have an arsenal, ranging from emotional violence and further towards weighting. He must show who is in charge in the house so that there are no doubters. These men often have difficult relationships with children. Children for them are always a reflection of their own complexes. Sons are always weak and losers, girls are stupid and ugly, which they tell children about with varying degrees of frequency. It is clear that women also have such problems. And they are, I must say, not rare. Few are afraid that they will be lured with a man, but being a bad mother or a bad housewife is serious. In principle, these are the social aspects of a woman's life, and if you cannot keep your house in order and your children are not smarter and happier than everyone else … The situation is very threatening. The more a woman is afraid of feeling shame for not being able to fulfill female roles, the more aggressively she behaves in such situations. If you are a woman, then you probably had experience of communicating with aunts, who will surely ask with passion: “What, don't you have children? / And what, your child is 3 years old, and you are not breastfeeding? pies every Sunday. " You say no, and you will be immediately given to understand that you are a heinous criminal and it is better for you to immediately start having children, breastfeeding and baking pies on Sundays. Otherwise you will burn in hell. Tellingly, it is very difficult to get away from these ladies, because in this case you are in their picture of the world that favorably sets off their unstable sense of their own femininity. They will contact you again and again in order to check whether you have got children, whether the GW is established and whether pies are being baked. And in fact, they will be happier if you never have pies or children. The most classic case is a mother-in-law, who regularly looks for signs of a female role mismatch in her daughter-in-law. A daughter-in-law cannot be perfect, even if she tries hard. The point is not at all in her, but in the fact that all claims are related to the self-feelings of the mother-in-law herself. This is a projection. There is the same relationship between mother and children. Often daughters suffer, who in the eyes of the mother will never become those who would please her. The parent openly tells them that they are slovens, failures, inept, fools, etc. And, naturally, in the mother's opinion, such a daughter will never be needed by anyone. Thus, it turns out that this phobia has very extensive consequences and generates a lot of problems for the people around the patient. Everything is very complicated by the fact that even though the person suffering from a phobia really needs support and approval, he never accepts them from others. The very statement of the problem and its awareness already for such a person is psychotraumatic and causes aggression.