2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We (in our culture) empathy is an unusual thing. Here they roll a year old in a stroller across the road, but he doesn't like it, and the English mother does not hesitate to say "Ohh I know I'm so sorry baby it must be awful to sit like that, sorry you have to do it". Is it customary to hear a Russian-speaking mother with a baby pulling out of a stroller "baby, I'm so sorry that you have to sit, I know it's awful, what a pity that you have to do this." Inwardly, we cannot admit out loud that the child is now terrible with us. We will try to distract, entertain, and explain that “nothing but how fun”, “look the bird flew”, “well enough, we’ll come right now,” “who is crying so loudly here,” and so on.
But this post is not condemnation, I myself taught empathy by syllables. And I deeply believe that this is a trainable skill, and does not have to be natural and spontaneous from the deep movements of the soul.
So, apart from everything else that is life-giving for a child's personality, empathy very, very much helps to live. Because it takes our role as a parent out of the constant need to decide life for the child or conflict with him.
When a child says "boring homework" - we don't have to stand under the barrel of a decision to force-pressure-allow not to do-pick up from school, we can just support him: "yes, I wouldn't be particularly interested with such and such a task either." … And that's all.
We do not have to get involved in the fight to give sweets before meals or not to give "I want cookies", just be "yes, it looks very tasty."
It is not necessary to rush into the buffoon, if the child says "I'm bored of waiting", you can just support him "yes, it's hard when you have to wait so long, I don't like it either."
"I'm ashamed" does not require "do not be ashamed, everything will work out", it requires "I was also scared when I have to sing in front of strangers."
I can't do anything! "Does not have to cause a lot of actions to save and receive, it just requires" yeah, it is difficult and does not work the first time ", and even if after that he throws furiously" I do not like it! I will not do it ", you can also leave him in this," it's a shame when he doesn’t come out.”And leave. Let it be in this. He hatches there into himself, let him.
We greatly underestimate our children. When you leave them like this, in support, to be - they do amazing things. They take decisions on themselves. They try again. They return to the abandoned one. They walk forward. They sigh and wait for dessert. They ask for help. Overcome laziness. Go to meet their fears.
Empathy normalizes negativity, relieves the fear of "negative emotions" that everyone is so overwhelmed by. The child again and again goes through the situation that you can experience fear, irritation, anger, insecurity - and live through it all. Empathy is not only a way to understand your feelings. This is a powerful experience of going through difficulty, through your own imperfection in an active, not a passive role.
If we say that proactivity and awareness are almost indispensable components of a fulfilled, happy, meaningful life, then it is empathy that allows them to arise.
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