2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many people say: “Why do I need a psychologist? My best psychologist is my friend "or" I can share everything that happens with my mom, sister, etc. " Family, close people, having friends are certainly a great value. Sometimes we need to speak out, we really need friendly advice, encouragement, so that one of our friends just says: "Your ex is a complete fool, since he left you." Or for my mother to hug in a difficult situation and say that she loves and everything will work out.
True, it is very valuable when close people can not only listen, but also hear experiences, be with a person in this complex process. But sometimes for close people the experiences of another become intolerable and then you can hear the answer: "Yes, what are you experiencing, enough to become limp." Thus, loved ones often want to cheer up, express, in this way, their support. But, as a rule, this has the opposite effect. A person perceives this as that his experiences are not important now, or that now he feels what he should not feel. And next time, he may not want to share his problem because of the fear of devaluation of his feelings.
Many people find it difficult to be around someone who is experiencing strong feelings, perhaps because of the fear of expressing their own strong feelings. And if there is no person nearby who could support you in expressing anger, fear, despair, pain, then you can try, together with a psychologist, to touch your feelings.
There are situations when a person is not satisfied with the way he lives, difficulties in relationships, at work, apathy, lack of energy and interest in life. In such cases, friendly participation and advice, support of loved ones may not be enough, since deep work with a psychologist is necessary.
Here are a couple of examples. For example, a young girl lives for herself, who has always studied with only A's, has entered the most prestigious university, which was chosen by her parents, for the specialty of a lawyer, which, in the opinion of her parents, is in demand and highly paid. And every Saturday with the whole family, they go to the Philharmonic, because it is customary in the society of her mother. Classmates admire the girl's knowledge and talk about what a wonderful family she has. And she herself feels unhappy, lonely and does not understand why she does not want to live so much. And only in working with a psychologist, she realizes her true needs and desires, that, it turns out, she always wanted to become a designer, hates the Philharmonic, really wants to learn how to dance and spend weekends with friends. And most importantly, she realized that she now wants to rely on herself in her choice, and not follow the instructions of her parents.
Or another example, when a young woman chooses a man in a relationship with whom she feels constantly guilty, forgives any disrespectful attitude towards herself, suppresses her true needs for fear of losing her beloved. As a result of therapy, it turns out that a woman at the age of 4 had a traumatic situation when her parents left, leaving her with her aunt, without explaining anything to the child. At that age, she perceived this situation as that she is bad and does not deserve love, and in order to deserve the love of her parents, you need to be obedient and comfortable, always doing as others want. She transferred this model of behavior into a relationship with a man, and every time she tries to meet the expectations of others, in the hope of earning love.
If you yourself find it difficult to figure out what you feel, what you want, then a psychologist may just be the one who will accompany you on the path of awareness of your feelings, thoughts, needs and desires. With an understanding of what is happening to you and what is right for you, the reliance on yourself grows, and not on the expectations and desires of the people around you. There is more freedom in choice and in life in general. This is generally not a quick process, but it's worth it.
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